SPECIAL SPOTLIGHT: WHICH WITCH IS WHICH?

Which Witch Is Which? premiered in 1984, the same year as my illustrious birth.  Apparently it’s part of the Chucklewood Critters series, which began with a Christmas special and then went on to cover all the other major holidays.  It was even made into an ongoing series in the late 1990s, but Buttons and Rusty only ever scampered across our television screen every year around Halloween.

Which Witch Is Which? is set in a national park (apparently named Chucklewood Park, but that’s never mentioned in this special) where Ranger Jones is keeping a watchful eye over the (talking) animals in his care.  Apparently none of the other humans but the Ranger (or Jonsey, as he is also known) notices that the wildlife can speak or occasionally wear pants, but such is life.  Buttons and Rusty, our young fox and bear cub, have a tendency to snoop around the human campers, much to Ranger Jones’ dismay.  When the two learn about the Ranger's upcoming Halloween party they are only too eager to celebrate this strange new human holiday, woodland creature-style.

Meanwhile in a dingy trailer two burglars are plotting to rob the rest of the residents blind while everyone is off at Ranger Jones' party.  Do people really live in trailer parks on the edges of national parks in October?  Probably.  But even as a kid this community always seemed a little weird to me.  The pair of burglars select their Halloween garb in which to perform their Halloween crime spree: a bear suit and a witch.  That’s Witch #1.  Pay attention-- there’s more coming up.

The Ranger's party gets underway and we are treated to a neat musical number, apropos of nothing remotely connected to the plot, but from which our title is taken.  It’s all bubbling cauldrons and jack-o-lanterns and a couple of witches (that’s Witches #2 & #3).  Also in attendance at the party are a local cantankerous shop owner (Witch #4) and a random blond lady in a peaked hat (Witch #5).  All of these witches play a very nominal role in the actual storyline  and no one seems confused as to their identity.  But some identity swapping is in the works, so bear with me.

While the Ranger parties (dressed as some sort of Elton John vampire that always made my sister laugh), the aforementioned burglars snoop around, stealing a fur coat and silver teapot (those trailer park people appreciate fine things).  Meanwhile Buttons and Rusty attempt to trick or treat amongst their oblivious forest friends.  They get skunked by a skunk and get a bunch of acorns dropped on them by a cantankerous squirrel.  Their hapless fathers are in search of the boys as well.  Abner the bear wears overalls; George the fox goes au naturale, and in classic cartoon fashion, no explanation is given for this sartorial discrepancy.

Everything comes to a confusing climax when Button and Rusty cross paths with the robbers, mistaking them for trick-or-treaters.  At one point Rusty dons a witch’s hat, which I guess makes him Witch #6, but no one really cares.  Buttons, Rusty, Abner, George, Ranger Jones, the robbers, and the locals all collide.  Justice is served, peace prevails and the animals return to the forest.

I’ve learned much from Which Witch Is Which? over the years, including:

* Halloween is for humans, not for bears and foxes.

* People in trailer parks wear fur coats and drink out of silver teapots.

* Some animals are nudists, others are more modest.  Especially overweight bears.

* Judging by his choice of Halloween costume, Ranger Jones may be gay.  And I’m okay with that.

And finally, which witch really is which?

Beats me.  But it sure is fun to say the question out loud!

Where To Watch It: I was thrilled to discover that Which Witch Is Witch? is now (finally!) available on DVD as part of a set of mostly holiday-themed Chucklewood Critters episodes.  It's priced insanely high on Amazon, so luckily it's also up for free on YouTube: 

TO TRICK OR TREAT OR NOT TO TRICK OR TREAT

Bewitched

Season 6 (1969)

Bewitched had a long run of eight seasons and the show was pretty shameless about recycling plots in its later years.  Hence this Season 6 episode, which is basically an amalgam of two of the show’s earlier Halloween episodes, Season 1’s “The Witches Are Out” (in which Sam and Darrin argue over the portrayal of witches in an ad campaign) and Season 2’s “Trick or Treat” (in which Endora turns Darrin into a werewolf).  Then again, pretty much ALL of Bewitched’s episodes involve either Darrin being transformed into something and/or some sort of ad campaign gone wrong.

Despite the rather unoriginal premise, “To Trick Or Treat Or Not To Trick Or Treat” holds some wacky surprises.  We begin with Samantha working on Halloween costumes for Tabatha and some of the neighbor kids, only for Endora to appear and be offended by a stereotypically ugly witch costume.  The argument escalates when Darrin shows up, and—surprise!—Endora casts a spell on him to teach him a lesson.

This brings us to the most enjoyable part of the episode, in which Darrin slowly transforms into a hag at the office (and in front of a new client, because new, rich clients are fucking EVERYwhere in the world of Bewitched).  While it’s funny to see Darrin try and hide his rapidly changing appearance, it’s made even more weirdly delightful by the fact that he’s basically undergoing gender reassignment surgery before our very eyes.   In addition to his warty nose and missing teeth, he sprouts long hair and bizarrely glamorous purple-pinkish fingernails.  

Fleeing the office, Darrin gets stopped by a cop who first compares him to 60s singer Tiny Tim and then makes various disparaging remarks about how basically Darrin will never have sex because he’s ugly.  It’s as weird and awkward as it sounds.

If you’re wondering when Halloween comes back into the picture, I’m getting there.  A now fully transformed Darrin is forced to take Tabatha and her friends trick-or-treating, since his new client’s wife is a big supporter of the “Trick or Treat for UNICEF” campaign.  Of course all the neighbors think Darrin’s just in costume and he ends up raising a lot of money, which he delivers to the client and his wife at a Halloween party later that night.  Samantha ends up resolving the ad campaign dilemma by modeling a glamorous witch outfit and suggesting Glinda the Good Witch as the new mascot.

Bewitched is always campy fun, and this episode ups the camp factor by about a 100.  I’m a fan of Darrin #1 and the early black and white seasons, but Elizabeth Montgomery is as charming as ever in these later seasons, and Endora is forever the Head Bitch in Charge.  I’ve read at least one biography of Elizabeth Montgomery that highlighted her charitable efforts and said that she was the one responsible for some of the show’s more socially conscious elements (such as the UNICEF subplot in this episode).  It all adds up to a lot of harmless fun with a trippy 60s, gender-bending twist for good measure.

Recurring Themes: Darrin and the kids Trick or Treat for UNICEF, just like Harvey Kinkle on a Halloween episode of yet another witch-themed show, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.

Halloween Quotient: 4

See It, Skip It, Own It?

What better time of year to watch Bewitched?  See it, along with the show's earlier (even better) Halloween offerings.

HALLOWEEN ON NETFLIX

Every year I do a lot of research leading up the holidays, updating and adding to my lists of holiday-themed TV episodes.  I keep a list of episodes I own on DVD, a list of what’s on YouTube (for free) and what’s currently on Netflix streaming.  This year my sister asked me to send her my list of Halloween episodes on Netflix Instant (and then once I did she made a few additional suggestions of her own).

I figured I’d share the Netflix episode list with you all as well.  This isn’t a comprehensive list of every single Halloween episode you can stream, but rather my personal picks of the best and most Halloweeny episodes that Netflix Instant has to offer this year.  The list is arranged in alphabetical order by show title, then season number and episode number for handy dandy reference.

It’s a long list so get to watching! 

CHARMED

“All Halliwell’s Eve” = Season 3, Episode 4
The sister-witches time travel back to colonial Virginia on Halloween.  Plus Julian McMahon in a terrible, no good, very bad Pilgrim wig!

CHEERS

“House of Horrors With Formal Dining and Used Brick” = Season 5, Episode 5
When Carla buys a haunted house she and Cliff spend a spooky night together.

“Bar Wars V: The Final Judgment” = Season 10, Episode 7
A prank war goes awry when the Cheers gang scares their competition-- to death!

EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND

“Halloween Candy” = Season 3, Episode 6

Frank accidentally hands out brightly-colored condoms instead of candy to trick-or-treaters in this semi-classic episode.

FREAKS & GEEKS

“Tricks & Treats” = Season 1, Episode 3

One of the best Halloween episodes of all time!  Equal parts laughs and heartstring-tugging 80s nostalgia.

GOOSEBUMPS

“Attack of the Jack O’Lanterns” = Season 2, Episode 15
Pumpkin-headed ghouls force a group of kids to trick-or-treat-- to death!  

“The Haunted Mask, Pts. 1 & 2” = Season 5, Episodes 1 & 2
More classic R.L. Stine Halloween goodness.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

“The Slutty Pumpkin” = Season 1, Episode 6

One of my sister’s recommendations (so don’t blame me if it’s bad!).  All I know is that it involves Katie Holmes in a pumpkin costume.

JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS

“Trick or Techrat” = Season 2, Episode 16
You get not one but THREE Halloween-themed music videos in this bizarrely wonderful 80s gem.

MY NAME IS EARL

“Little Bad Voodoo Brother” = Season 4, Episode 8
A possessed little boy threatens Earl's attempts to throw a Halloween party for his kids.  Does anyone remember this show?!

NEW GIRL

“Halloween” = Season 2, Episode 6

Another “sister recommends” episode.  I have no idea what it's about, but I'm guessing Zooey Deschanel is adorable at some point.

PARENTHOOD

“Orange Alert” = Season 2, Episode 6

And yet another sister suggestion.  I hope Lauren Graham's character dresses as Lorelai Gilmore for Halloween!

PARKS & RECREATION

“Greg Pikitis” = Season 2, Episode 7

An excellent Halloween episode with pranks, a memorable Halloween party, and the omnipresent rag doll costume.

“Halloween Surprise” = Season 5, Episode5

Click the episode title to read my review!  A decent episode that nevertheless once forced me to type the phrase "fart attack."

THE OFFICE

“Halloween” = Season 2, Episode 5

This one makes my Top 25 Halloween Episodes of All Time list!  A must see!

“Costume Contest” = Season 7, Episode 6

Click the episode link to read my review.  There are additional Halloween (or at least Halloween-flavored) episodes of The Office on Netflix streaming but the above two are the ones worth watching.

RAISING HOPE

“Happy Halloween” = Season 1, Episode 5
A so-so show with a couple of good holiday episodes, this one included.

SABRINA: THE ANIMATED SERIES

“Nothin’ Says Lovin’ Like Somethin’ From A Coven” = Season 1, Episode 8
You did know there was an animated spin-off of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, right?!  The bitchy girl character's name is Gem Stone.  Perfection.

SAVED BY THE BELL

“Mystery Weekend” = Season 5, Episode 13

Not technically a Halloween episode, but the closest that Saved By the Bell has to offer.

Enjoy!

THE WITCHES OF PENNBROOK

Boy Meets World

Season 5 (1997)

This Halloween episode of Boy Meets World is a TGIF crossover bonanza—it’s Boy Meets World meets Full House meets Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.  Despite being a child of the 90s, I am only a fan of one of the three shows represented.  While my love of Sabrina is well documented, I always found Full House a bit too saccharine and stupid, even judging by sitcom standards.  As for Boy Meets World, I also found it saccharine and stupid (and rather boring) but my main reason for disliking it is that during my tweens and teens (and even sometimes now) people told me I looked like the show’s lead actor, Ben Savage.  I never took this as a compliment (nor do I think it was ever particularly intended as one) so I’ve always had a somewhat antagonistic relationship with the titular “Boy.”

That being said, I did occasionally tune in over the years and I actually enjoy some of the show’s holiday episodes.  I vaguely remember watching “The Witches of Pennbrook," which actually aired on Halloween night in 1997.  It’s interesting for a couple of reasons.  For starters, it adds a witchcraft/fantasy element to a show that otherwise reveled in its ordinariness. But more importantly it features Full House actress Candace Cameron playing a witch, and, even better, Melissa Joan Hart in character as Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

The plot is your basic “guy gets new girlfriend who comes between guy and his bromantic roommate and then girl turns out to be witch looking to sacrifice them both on Halloween night to unleash a portal to Hell.”  The two guys in question are Eric and Jack, who in the show’s later season shared an apartment together.  Main characters Cory and Topanaga are given a super lame B-story about flying together in a small plane with an idiot pilot. 

The witchy new girlfriend is played by the aforementioned Candace Cameron and man, is she terrible in this.  Her acting is DREADful.  I don’t know if she was this consistently bad on Full House as well but in this episode she delivers her line in a bizarrely stilted, declaratory manner that is extremely off-putting.  I know she’s now (or always was?) a crazy Christian, along with her homophobe brother Kirk Cameron, so I wonder if she regrets playing a Satan-worshipping witch on primetime TV.  However she should be more embarrassed by her terrible acting.

Even though the episode’s finale takes place during a Halloween night party put on by Cameron and her coven, it's overall rather lacking in Halloween cheer.  We get just one true Halloween scene when Eric visits Mr. Feeny for advice (because Feeny holds ALL the answers and is by far my favorite character on this show, mostly because he spends his time being annoyed by all of the other characters.).  In the scene Feeny is handing out thesauruses to some trick-or-treaters.  It’s a cute moment but sadly short-lived. 

Once the witchy antics are over and the roomies have returned to their normal homosocial dynamic, we finally get our scene with Sabrina.  Eric, relieved to be rid of witchcraft, reveals that his new girlfriend is Sabrina Spellman.  And oh yeah, it’s also revealed that post-coven encounter Shawn is apparently now a talking frog?!  This episode really is a glorious mess.

If I have the strength I’ll do a post about the recent Halloween episode of Boy Meets World spin-off Girl Meets World that Nick made me watch.  It makes this episode seems like high art in comparison…

Halloween Quotient: Despite lots of witchcraft and witches, actual Halloween fun is scarce, earning this a 2.

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Fun to watch for the 90s sitcom nostalgia factor, but ultimately skippable due to the low Halloween quotient.

A RIVER OF CANDY CORN RUNS THROUGH IT

Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Season 2 (2007)

I finally got around to reading Melissa Explains It All, Melissa Joan Hart’s memoir, that we bought when we met Sabrina herself at our local B&N almost a year ago.  The book wasn’t very remarkable, thought Hart was pretty candid about her life. Of course the one chapter on Sabrina, The Teenage Witch was my favorite, though I wish she’d gone into even more detail.  The most interesting tidbits?

*Hart’s mom licensed Sabrina from Archie Comics for only a dollar (and then proceeded to make a lot of money when the show was a big success).

*Hart and co-star Nate Richert, who played Harvey, never dated in real life.  But they did once do mushrooms in the woods together.  And Richert did date actress Lindsey Sloane, who played Sabrina’s friend Valerie.

*Paul Feig, who played science teacher Mr. Poole for one season, went on to create Freaks & Geeks and direct Bridesmaids. Upgrade!

So you’re welcome, as I just saved you the trouble of reading the book.  In her memoir, Hart didn’t go into detail about any of the Sabrina Halloween episodes, which were always a highlight of the show (the Christmas episodes were particularly fun as well).  Season 2’s “A River of Candy Corn Runs Through It” is probably my favorite of the lot, and not just because the title references a semi-obscure 90s Brad Pitt movie.

This is about as Halloweeny as you can get, from the decorations, the magic, the monsters, and lots and lots of candy corn, as promised by the episode's title.  The premise is that Sabrina’s friend Valerie guilts her into hosting a Halloween party as a counterpoint to mean girl Libby’s oh-so-exclusive Halloween bash.  Sabrina is of course reluctant, given the weird happenings that usually go down at her house, but her witchy aunts are all for it.  Right before the party begins things quickly go downhill—the new furniture ordered from the Other Realm starts to talk, magical termites invade the house, monstrous “Halloween carolers” show up, and Hilda’s homemade candy corn won’t stop producing (the overflowing cauldron of candy corn in this episode always reminded me of Strega Nona’s pasta pot).

When some “cool” guys show up all seems lost, but after the promised river of candy corn comes bursting through the dining room doors, all of the guests just think the weirdness was  all party tricks planned by Sabrina. A relieved Sabrina then randomly conjures up the band 10,000 Maniacs to perform just as Libby shows up to receive her comeuppance, her own party having been a bust and ending early.

This episode is just fun, fun, fun from start to finish.  Aunts Zelda and Hilda are at their best here, with Zelda carrying a parade of furniture through the party to feed to the termites and Hilda trying to pawn off all of the excess candy corn.  Melissa Joan Hart is in good comedic form via her frantic efforts to keep things under wraps.  Even better, she wears a orange, yellow and black dress that makes her look like a piece of candy corn herself. 

Recurring Themes: Halloween carolers from the Other Realm show up and mix with Sabrina’s oblivious mortal guests (who think the otherworldly creatures are just wearing costumes) in an example of the trope Real Monsters at the Party.  Also, Valerie is the unfortunate victim of No One Else in Costume, when she shows up dressed as a duck only to discover that all of the other guests are in normal clothes.

Halloween Quotient: The first 5 of the season!

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Own this one so you have it on hand for annual viewings!

RIVAL HAUNTED HOUSES

Trading Spaces

Season 8 (2008)

When I was in high school one of my greatest pleasures was coming home from school and watching Trading Spaces.  And yes, clearly I was very, very popular in high school.  This was during the show’s golden age, when it was at its peak (though I proudly count my fandom all the way back to the Alex McLeod days, before she was replaced with professional perky person Paige Davis).  Back in the day Trading Spaces was truly part of the zeitgeist, spawning books and spin-off shows and starting the whole HGTV interior decorating reality show craze that persists to this day.  Despite it’s one-time popularity, the show is almost impossible to find in syndication.  I managed to TIVO a handful of reruns from some random channel shortly before it stopped airing them altogether.  Much to my delight this included a Halloween-themed episode!

The quality of the episodes always varied greatly on which designers happened to be appearing, and I am sad to report that my personal favorite, Hildi Santo-Tomas, does not appear in “Rival Haunted Houses.”  Besides having a name that’s very fun to say out loud, Hildi was known for having the most daring designs, such as gluing dried moss all over someone’s walls.  She was also known for not really giving a fuck about the homeowner’s personal preferences.  She was/is amazing.  I wish she had been one of the two designers in this episode just so I could continue to write about her.  I may need to start a separate blog just for this purpose. 

Anyhoo, the designers that do appear are Frank, the extremely gay yet inexplicably married to a woman Country Time Santa Claus, and some other guy named Goil I’d never seen before.  Frank and Goil team up with two sets of neighbors who swap houses and decorate a room in each other’s houses.  The couples are both really into Halloween and every year try and outdo one another with their decorations.  Ordinarily this would be a great premise except that this episode was clearly filmed in the summer, so instead of lavish Halloween yard displays and autumnal foliage we get sunshine, green lawns and the neighbors half-heartedly dragging out their Halloween decorations for the sake of the cameras.

Another missed opportunity is that instead of just designing walk-through haunted mazes the designers and couples actually redecorate a real room with only minor Halloween touches.  I think I have established by now that when I watch a holiday episode I want full-on holiday, not some black and white wallpaper with a subtle bat pattern!  Goil does design an unintentionally hideous “monster” made of pillowcases or something for the homeowner’s kids to use as a sort of beanbag chair but that’s about it.

The most Halloweeny thing about the episode is that the designers, carpenters and host Paige Davis all wear costumes throughout.  Paige has some lame get-up as “the Goddess of Time” (since her job is to monitor the time.  Get it?!).  One of the carpenters has a pretty elaborate Satan-serial killer outfit and mask, and I admit that it was a bit fun to watch Satan making shelves out of reclaimed barn wood.  The couples also don costumes for the room reveals, but watching two disco dancers cry over how much they love their new paint color isn’t as enthralling as it may sound.

As you can tell I was disappointed by the lack of Halloween elements, but I suppose they deserve some credit just for trying.  Really I was just happy to be watching Trading Spaces again and remembering the good ole days of homeowners who refused to do their nightly “homework” (usually painting), bickering designers and the Earth-bound goddess that is Hilidi Santo-Tomas.

Halloween Quotient: 2

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Skippable.