THE WITCHES OF PENNBROOK

Boy Meets World

Season 5 (1997)

This Halloween episode of Boy Meets World is a TGIF crossover bonanza—it’s Boy Meets World meets Full House meets Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.  Despite being a child of the 90s, I am only a fan of one of the three shows represented.  While my love of Sabrina is well documented, I always found Full House a bit too saccharine and stupid, even judging by sitcom standards.  As for Boy Meets World, I also found it saccharine and stupid (and rather boring) but my main reason for disliking it is that during my tweens and teens (and even sometimes now) people told me I looked like the show’s lead actor, Ben Savage.  I never took this as a compliment (nor do I think it was ever particularly intended as one) so I’ve always had a somewhat antagonistic relationship with the titular “Boy.”

That being said, I did occasionally tune in over the years and I actually enjoy some of the show’s holiday episodes.  I vaguely remember watching “The Witches of Pennbrook," which actually aired on Halloween night in 1997.  It’s interesting for a couple of reasons.  For starters, it adds a witchcraft/fantasy element to a show that otherwise reveled in its ordinariness. But more importantly it features Full House actress Candace Cameron playing a witch, and, even better, Melissa Joan Hart in character as Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

The plot is your basic “guy gets new girlfriend who comes between guy and his bromantic roommate and then girl turns out to be witch looking to sacrifice them both on Halloween night to unleash a portal to Hell.”  The two guys in question are Eric and Jack, who in the show’s later season shared an apartment together.  Main characters Cory and Topanaga are given a super lame B-story about flying together in a small plane with an idiot pilot. 

The witchy new girlfriend is played by the aforementioned Candace Cameron and man, is she terrible in this.  Her acting is DREADful.  I don’t know if she was this consistently bad on Full House as well but in this episode she delivers her line in a bizarrely stilted, declaratory manner that is extremely off-putting.  I know she’s now (or always was?) a crazy Christian, along with her homophobe brother Kirk Cameron, so I wonder if she regrets playing a Satan-worshipping witch on primetime TV.  However she should be more embarrassed by her terrible acting.

Even though the episode’s finale takes place during a Halloween night party put on by Cameron and her coven, it's overall rather lacking in Halloween cheer.  We get just one true Halloween scene when Eric visits Mr. Feeny for advice (because Feeny holds ALL the answers and is by far my favorite character on this show, mostly because he spends his time being annoyed by all of the other characters.).  In the scene Feeny is handing out thesauruses to some trick-or-treaters.  It’s a cute moment but sadly short-lived. 

Once the witchy antics are over and the roomies have returned to their normal homosocial dynamic, we finally get our scene with Sabrina.  Eric, relieved to be rid of witchcraft, reveals that his new girlfriend is Sabrina Spellman.  And oh yeah, it’s also revealed that post-coven encounter Shawn is apparently now a talking frog?!  This episode really is a glorious mess.

If I have the strength I’ll do a post about the recent Halloween episode of Boy Meets World spin-off Girl Meets World that Nick made me watch.  It makes this episode seems like high art in comparison…

Halloween Quotient: Despite lots of witchcraft and witches, actual Halloween fun is scarce, earning this a 2.

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Fun to watch for the 90s sitcom nostalgia factor, but ultimately skippable due to the low Halloween quotient.

BEACH BLANKET BIZARRO

Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Season 5 (2001)

I can’t believe that it’s taken me this long* to write about Sabrina, the Teenage Witch!  I’ve really come to love this show, first during its run on TGIF and then later via reruns and DVDs.  It’s totally goofy yet endearing and this spring break episode encapsulates that dynamic perfectly. 

Frankie & Zelda & Hilda (no Annette)

We begin with Sabrina, red-haired and enjoying her first year of college life, booking a last-minute spring break trip for her friends and maybe-boyfriend Josh (he only lasted four episodes).  Sabrina’s aunts, remembering their own debauched spring breaks past (which involved centurions and a fountain), cast a spell on the group to inspire “good clean fun.”  The spells comes in the form of guest star Frankie Avalon, teen heartthrob of many a beach movie in his day.  Sabrina had a surprisingly wide and very random array of guests stars, whether it was Barbara Eden as a wicked aunt, Coolio as a talking poster in an alley (it happened,  people!) or Johnny Mathis awkwardly singing Christmas carols.

Love means never having to say you're sorry.  And gazing to the left. 

The spell is cast on the unknowing teens and they show up to their Florida hotel ready to party. Once the gang hits the beach, however, they are disappointed to discover a group of squeaky-clean Gidgets and Moon Doggies straight from the 60s.  Soon they get into the spirit of things.  What follows are scenes of surfing, purposefully bad lip-synced musical numbers, and dances like The Watusi and The Monkey.  Throughout the episode the aunts spy on the group via their magic TV (yes, it’s kind of creepy).

Santos Dios!

Far creepier though is Miles, an extremely annoying and short-lived character.  He was one of Sabrina’s college roommates and a conspiracy nut who never seemed to have much to do.  In this episode the writers decided to switch Miles from annoying to terrifying by covering him in ghostly sunscreen.  He wanders around like a horror movie creature until he eventually finds love with a fellow sunscreen-clad beachgoer. 

If the far cheesier and less entertaining Boy Meets World can make a 2014 Disney Channel comeback, why not Sabrina, the Teenage Witch? I would love a show about a now married Sabrina and Harvey raising their teen witch children! I know a lot of high-powered TV executives read this blog, so make it happen already!

*Okay, I wrote about a Sabrina book already but this is the first official show post!

Spring Break Quotient: 5

See It, Skip It, Own It?

This episode is escapist fun, just like the entire series!

NIGHTMARE ON CARRIE'S STREET

Two of a Kind

Season 1 (1998)

I should hate Two of a Kind.  Despite my hankering for campy sitcoms I am somehow not a fan of Full House and the wealth and success of the Olsen twins is baffling and angry-making.  They were cloying as children and now design ridiculously expensive handbags, essentially still famous just for being twins, which is the worst kind of famous.  And yet I really like Two of a Kind, a short-lived late 90s TGIF sitcom starring the Olsen twins.

What’s the appeal?  The premise of Two of a Kind is essentially an updated The Nanny and the Professor.  Or more accurately, exactly the same premise.  The two Olsens (their main personality traits being that they are twins, as in every Olsen twins project ever) have a widowed professor dad who hires a spunky nanny and sparks fly between the two (the professor and the nanny, not the twins).  Not much really ever happened save two terrific holiday episodes.  I think the appeal lies in the two likable adult leads.  Christopher Sieber, the actor who plays the dad, is out and proud in real life which proposes an interesting theory as to why the Professor never hooks up with nanny Carrie.

 

I can't think of a witty caption but hey, check out that Mickey Mouse Jack o'Lantern logo in the corner!

The first of the two aforementioned terrific holiday episodes is this Halloween outing.  The girls want to go to Carrie’s Halloween bash but their dad forbids them from attending a college party.  While out trick-or-treating the girls swap costumes with two boys and sneak off to the party, which is AWESOME.  Their dad discovers the deception and pretends to be arrested in order to traumatize them.  Then they have to pick up garbage.  Fin.

The awesomeness of the episode is in Carrie’s party, one of those super-elaborate affairs that a poor college student would never manage to pull together in real life.  Unless you’re Kate Gosselin getting a free pass at Party City, the amount of rubber severed heads and life-size monster statues seen here would cost a pretty penny.  There is also some definite gayness going on.  The faux cop who handles the fake arrest is drawn back to the party to perform the YMCA along with an Indian chief and construction worker.  And Carrie’s Cleopatra costume keeps getting confused for Cher.  Subtly queer stuff for TGIF!

Bonus: the episode ends with some cute outtakes of the actors scaring each other on set.

Recurring Themes: The two boys dress in the girls’ costumes, leading to some Gender Confusion.  Carrie wears the ever-popular Cleopatra Costume.  Plus we get a Head-On-A-Plate (not technically on a plate but it’s the same concept).

Halloween Quotient: 5

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Worth owning, if only it was available on DVD!  So you’ll have to settle for watching a low-quality version on YouTube, but you’ll be so filled with Halloween spirit you won’t mind.