THE WITCHES OF PENNBROOK

Boy Meets World

Season 5 (1997)

This Halloween episode of Boy Meets World is a TGIF crossover bonanza—it’s Boy Meets World meets Full House meets Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.  Despite being a child of the 90s, I am only a fan of one of the three shows represented.  While my love of Sabrina is well documented, I always found Full House a bit too saccharine and stupid, even judging by sitcom standards.  As for Boy Meets World, I also found it saccharine and stupid (and rather boring) but my main reason for disliking it is that during my tweens and teens (and even sometimes now) people told me I looked like the show’s lead actor, Ben Savage.  I never took this as a compliment (nor do I think it was ever particularly intended as one) so I’ve always had a somewhat antagonistic relationship with the titular “Boy.”

That being said, I did occasionally tune in over the years and I actually enjoy some of the show’s holiday episodes.  I vaguely remember watching “The Witches of Pennbrook," which actually aired on Halloween night in 1997.  It’s interesting for a couple of reasons.  For starters, it adds a witchcraft/fantasy element to a show that otherwise reveled in its ordinariness. But more importantly it features Full House actress Candace Cameron playing a witch, and, even better, Melissa Joan Hart in character as Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

The plot is your basic “guy gets new girlfriend who comes between guy and his bromantic roommate and then girl turns out to be witch looking to sacrifice them both on Halloween night to unleash a portal to Hell.”  The two guys in question are Eric and Jack, who in the show’s later season shared an apartment together.  Main characters Cory and Topanaga are given a super lame B-story about flying together in a small plane with an idiot pilot. 

The witchy new girlfriend is played by the aforementioned Candace Cameron and man, is she terrible in this.  Her acting is DREADful.  I don’t know if she was this consistently bad on Full House as well but in this episode she delivers her line in a bizarrely stilted, declaratory manner that is extremely off-putting.  I know she’s now (or always was?) a crazy Christian, along with her homophobe brother Kirk Cameron, so I wonder if she regrets playing a Satan-worshipping witch on primetime TV.  However she should be more embarrassed by her terrible acting.

Even though the episode’s finale takes place during a Halloween night party put on by Cameron and her coven, it's overall rather lacking in Halloween cheer.  We get just one true Halloween scene when Eric visits Mr. Feeny for advice (because Feeny holds ALL the answers and is by far my favorite character on this show, mostly because he spends his time being annoyed by all of the other characters.).  In the scene Feeny is handing out thesauruses to some trick-or-treaters.  It’s a cute moment but sadly short-lived. 

Once the witchy antics are over and the roomies have returned to their normal homosocial dynamic, we finally get our scene with Sabrina.  Eric, relieved to be rid of witchcraft, reveals that his new girlfriend is Sabrina Spellman.  And oh yeah, it’s also revealed that post-coven encounter Shawn is apparently now a talking frog?!  This episode really is a glorious mess.

If I have the strength I’ll do a post about the recent Halloween episode of Boy Meets World spin-off Girl Meets World that Nick made me watch.  It makes this episode seems like high art in comparison…

Halloween Quotient: Despite lots of witchcraft and witches, actual Halloween fun is scarce, earning this a 2.

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Fun to watch for the 90s sitcom nostalgia factor, but ultimately skippable due to the low Halloween quotient.

A RIVER OF CANDY CORN RUNS THROUGH IT

Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Season 2 (2007)

I finally got around to reading Melissa Explains It All, Melissa Joan Hart’s memoir, that we bought when we met Sabrina herself at our local B&N almost a year ago.  The book wasn’t very remarkable, thought Hart was pretty candid about her life. Of course the one chapter on Sabrina, The Teenage Witch was my favorite, though I wish she’d gone into even more detail.  The most interesting tidbits?

*Hart’s mom licensed Sabrina from Archie Comics for only a dollar (and then proceeded to make a lot of money when the show was a big success).

*Hart and co-star Nate Richert, who played Harvey, never dated in real life.  But they did once do mushrooms in the woods together.  And Richert did date actress Lindsey Sloane, who played Sabrina’s friend Valerie.

*Paul Feig, who played science teacher Mr. Poole for one season, went on to create Freaks & Geeks and direct Bridesmaids. Upgrade!

So you’re welcome, as I just saved you the trouble of reading the book.  In her memoir, Hart didn’t go into detail about any of the Sabrina Halloween episodes, which were always a highlight of the show (the Christmas episodes were particularly fun as well).  Season 2’s “A River of Candy Corn Runs Through It” is probably my favorite of the lot, and not just because the title references a semi-obscure 90s Brad Pitt movie.

This is about as Halloweeny as you can get, from the decorations, the magic, the monsters, and lots and lots of candy corn, as promised by the episode's title.  The premise is that Sabrina’s friend Valerie guilts her into hosting a Halloween party as a counterpoint to mean girl Libby’s oh-so-exclusive Halloween bash.  Sabrina is of course reluctant, given the weird happenings that usually go down at her house, but her witchy aunts are all for it.  Right before the party begins things quickly go downhill—the new furniture ordered from the Other Realm starts to talk, magical termites invade the house, monstrous “Halloween carolers” show up, and Hilda’s homemade candy corn won’t stop producing (the overflowing cauldron of candy corn in this episode always reminded me of Strega Nona’s pasta pot).

When some “cool” guys show up all seems lost, but after the promised river of candy corn comes bursting through the dining room doors, all of the guests just think the weirdness was  all party tricks planned by Sabrina. A relieved Sabrina then randomly conjures up the band 10,000 Maniacs to perform just as Libby shows up to receive her comeuppance, her own party having been a bust and ending early.

This episode is just fun, fun, fun from start to finish.  Aunts Zelda and Hilda are at their best here, with Zelda carrying a parade of furniture through the party to feed to the termites and Hilda trying to pawn off all of the excess candy corn.  Melissa Joan Hart is in good comedic form via her frantic efforts to keep things under wraps.  Even better, she wears a orange, yellow and black dress that makes her look like a piece of candy corn herself. 

Recurring Themes: Halloween carolers from the Other Realm show up and mix with Sabrina’s oblivious mortal guests (who think the otherworldly creatures are just wearing costumes) in an example of the trope Real Monsters at the Party.  Also, Valerie is the unfortunate victim of No One Else in Costume, when she shows up dressed as a duck only to discover that all of the other guests are in normal clothes.

Halloween Quotient: The first 5 of the season!

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Own this one so you have it on hand for annual viewings!

BEACH BLANKET BIZARRO

Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Season 5 (2001)

I can’t believe that it’s taken me this long* to write about Sabrina, the Teenage Witch!  I’ve really come to love this show, first during its run on TGIF and then later via reruns and DVDs.  It’s totally goofy yet endearing and this spring break episode encapsulates that dynamic perfectly. 

Frankie & Zelda & Hilda (no Annette)

We begin with Sabrina, red-haired and enjoying her first year of college life, booking a last-minute spring break trip for her friends and maybe-boyfriend Josh (he only lasted four episodes).  Sabrina’s aunts, remembering their own debauched spring breaks past (which involved centurions and a fountain), cast a spell on the group to inspire “good clean fun.”  The spells comes in the form of guest star Frankie Avalon, teen heartthrob of many a beach movie in his day.  Sabrina had a surprisingly wide and very random array of guests stars, whether it was Barbara Eden as a wicked aunt, Coolio as a talking poster in an alley (it happened,  people!) or Johnny Mathis awkwardly singing Christmas carols.

Love means never having to say you're sorry.  And gazing to the left. 

The spell is cast on the unknowing teens and they show up to their Florida hotel ready to party. Once the gang hits the beach, however, they are disappointed to discover a group of squeaky-clean Gidgets and Moon Doggies straight from the 60s.  Soon they get into the spirit of things.  What follows are scenes of surfing, purposefully bad lip-synced musical numbers, and dances like The Watusi and The Monkey.  Throughout the episode the aunts spy on the group via their magic TV (yes, it’s kind of creepy).

Santos Dios!

Far creepier though is Miles, an extremely annoying and short-lived character.  He was one of Sabrina’s college roommates and a conspiracy nut who never seemed to have much to do.  In this episode the writers decided to switch Miles from annoying to terrifying by covering him in ghostly sunscreen.  He wanders around like a horror movie creature until he eventually finds love with a fellow sunscreen-clad beachgoer. 

If the far cheesier and less entertaining Boy Meets World can make a 2014 Disney Channel comeback, why not Sabrina, the Teenage Witch? I would love a show about a now married Sabrina and Harvey raising their teen witch children! I know a lot of high-powered TV executives read this blog, so make it happen already!

*Okay, I wrote about a Sabrina book already but this is the first official show post!

Spring Break Quotient: 5

See It, Skip It, Own It?

This episode is escapist fun, just like the entire series!

SEASON'S READINGS: TEN LITTLE WITCHES

Just yesterday I was talking with my friend Jackie (fellow member of the Sleepy Hollow gang) about the joys of media tie-in novels.  Like me, she never read very many growing up but she finds herself jonesing for a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fix and is interested in the many spinoff novels.  Buffy also led me down the rabbit hole of tie-in novels, which exist for lots of shows, including some unexpected ones.  Full House alone had four separate series and a total of 92 books! 

For a continuity hound like me books of this type are a welcome addition to the mythos, especially when a show has been cancelled and is dearly missed (Buffy!) as the books provide the sense that the characters and their world are still evolving.  Because they’re written by a variety of authors, books of this nature tend to vary wildly in terms of quality.  Some are truly enjoyable and the author nails the tone and characters. And sometimes they miss the mark completely. 

One excellent thing about TV tie-in novels is that you can usually get used, extremely cheap (like under a dollar cheap) copies online.  And almost all of the respective series have lots of holiday-themed offerings.

So far I’ve loved the three Sabrina the Teenage Witch novels that I’ve read, all of which were holiday-based.  Ten Little Witches goes the extra mile because not only is it a Halloween-themed Sabrina novel, it’s also based on Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None (aka Ten Little Indians), one of my favorite mysteries.  It’s a glorious, slightly messy mash-up of all my favorite things!  Don’t ask me why I love the “people trapped in a house get murdered one by one” scenario SO much.  But I do.  I truly, truly do.

This novel takes place in Sabrina’s fifth season, her freshman year of college.  Season 5 actually has a Halloween episode, thereby making the events of this book impossible, but sometimes it’s best not to think too hard about these things.  Besides, with Sabrina you can always just explain everything with: magic!  Anyhoo, Sabrina and her mortal ex-boyfriend Harvey are invited to a mysterious Halloween party at a hotel in the magical Other Realm.  Suspicious of the mortal-friendly invitation, her witch-aunts (and their talking cat Salem) forge an invitation and tag along.

Once at the hotel the gang meet several other mortal-witch pairs along with a mysterious proprietor, a manic maid and a suspicious chef.  Unfortunately because this is a YA novel nobody actually gets murdered, but instead the guests get turned into toy mice one by one.  It’s lame, I know, but you still get the drama of people disappearing and plenty of suspects.  And, true to the spirit of the show, things get really weird.  Really, really weird.  Here is a partial listing of the weirdly incongruous things that play a role in this book: MIT professors, a red feather, the ghost of a dog, not one but two cross-gender characters, and the Salem Witch trials.

It’s all pretty light on Halloween elements; other than taking place on Halloween and some candy apples it’s really more of a mystery.  However in terms of satisfying Sabrina fans this book pays off in a major way.  It’s rich in continuity, with references to tons of semi-obscure events from episodes of the show.  As an added bonus, the character of Aunt Irma plays a significant role.  Aunt Irma was a one-off guest role played by Barbara Eden.  So I found myself reading a Halloween magic Agatha Christie Sabrina novel while picturing Barbara Eden as one of the characters. It’s a glorious pop culture bonanza!