TRICK OR TRUTH

Girlfriends

Season 2 (2001)

Wow, this episode was dramatic!  And weird.  Weird and dramatic.  When I sat down to watch this, my first episode of the surprisingly long-running Girlfriends, I expected a slightly stupid and corny sitcom (which often produce the best holiday episodes).  Instead this episode veered off into some crazy directions, none of them Halloween related. 

This episode begins with the titular girlfriends split asunder by a feud between Toni and Joan (the convoluted catalyst for this fight, somehow involving Toni’s boyfriend, apparently happened in a previous episode).  This is the first year that Toni will therefore not be invited to Joan’s annual Halloween party.  The party proves something of a dud as Toni usually “brought the men.”  So instead the party is a bunch of women and just one guy, a regular character who is supposed to be a horny, woman-hungry dude but is confusedly played by a super gay actor (his Wikipedia page says he “chooses to keep his private life private” AKA he sleeps with men). 

Meanwhile crazy shit is going down with Toni!  She goes out to get a pumpkin to carve with her boyfriend as consolation for missing the party but when she returns, wielding a massive pumpkin in a shopping cart (that she stole from the store, I guess?) her boyfriend is shirtless and making out with some other woman.  He set the whole thing up as revenge and then berates Toni with a lot of genuinely upsetting insults (including something about her giving him an STD?  What is this show?!).  She attempts to run him over with the pumpkin-filled shopping cart (not kidding) but he fends her off and she goes crazy.

Now crazy, she shows up at the party (she brings the shopping cart, for some reason) but Joan is still all “nope, not friends” so the other two girlfriends later drag her to Joan’s church to beg her forgiveness yet again.  What then unfolds is a very long, VERY intense sequence in which a preacher sings about forgiveness while Joan is STILL like “nope, not friends.”  So Toni goes from crazy to batshit crazy and stumbles to the front of the church sobbing uncontrollably and just stands in front of the singing preacher, swaying and on the verge of collapse until Joan starts sobbing too and joins her and I guess they are friends again and ohmygod this show is way unnecessarily dramatic.

Toni, seen here slumped over her beloved shopping cart.

So yeah, not so much Halloween to be found here.  There’s a couple brief scenes at the party and a fun, decorated buffet table.  And then way, way too much religion and sobbing and drama for my tastes.  Seriously, it was stressing me out to watch this.  Toni looked like she could pull a gun and shoot everyone at any moment.  I mean, she did try to run someone down with a shopping cart earlier in the episode.

And isn’t that what Halloween is all about?

No?

Okay.

Halloween Quotient: The weird religious turn this takes merits an overall rating of 1.

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Skip it unless you like experiencing uncomfortable feelings while watching people having public mental breakdowns on church altars

THE UNPLANNED CHILD

Mad About You

Season 2 (1993)

This episode of Mad About You ranks very low in the Halloween department but is fun as a sort of 90s time capsule.  I never followed the show (except for one episode guest starring Yoko Ono, who wants to make a documentary about “the wind” that has somehow stay trapped in my mind for years).  This episode, as I suspect the show as a whole, nicely captures relationship dynamics but is a bit on the dry side.

It’s Halloween and Manhattan couple Paul and Jamie have plans: Paul is going to shoot documentary footage of the Halloween parade from their rooftop and Jamie is going to meet a girlfriend to shop.  Their plans are derailed when Paul’s sister drops off her son and then later fails to retrieve him (seriously, at least in the episode she is the WORST MOTHER EVER.  She abandons her kid.  On Halloween, no less!). 

The two bicker over taking care of the kid and, in one of the episode’s few cute moments, Jamie is forced to improvise a homemade Aladdin Halloween costume for him and then later take him trick-or-treating.  Outside of the costume (complete with their dog transformed into a camel) the episode’s highlight is Jamie trying to explain to a snobby British neighbor exactly what trick-or-treating is.

Behold Last-Minute Aladdin & Camel-Dog

I emphasized the Halloween aspects of the plot but this episode is very low on holiday cheer. The majority of the time is spent on Jamie and Paul arguing and, perhaps the biggest crime, there is not a single Halloween decoration or even a freaking pumpkin to be seen throughout the entire episode.  Someone eats some candy corn at one point.  That’s it!

Lack of Halloween and general excitement aside, you can glean some enjoyment from the aforementioned 90s feel that pervades the whole episode.  The kid is obsessed with Aladdin, as was every self-respecting child of the 90s (I saw it three times in the theater).  Jamie and Paul go to a video store and rent an actual VHS.  A neighbor references Bosnia.  The episode even ends with them on their rooftop with the Twin Towers in the background.

Recurring Themes: Jamie is forced to improvise a Last Minute Costume (and does a pretty good job of it).

Halloween Quotient: 1

See It, Skip It, Own It?

This is definitely skippable.

COMMERCIAL BREAK: McNugget Buddies

When I was a kid I knew Halloween was on its way when the "spooky" commercials started creeping in between our Saturday morning cartoons.  I feel like modern holiday commercials are fewer and far between and way less elaborate than in the golden age of the 80s and early 90s (or maybe it’s just me?).  Regardless, in those golden times the Halloween commercials were plentiful and a marvel to behold.  They were primarily for two things: fast food and cereal.  Around Halloween, candy and soda commercials were the runners up.

For whatever reason one commercial that has held fast in my memory is this ad for McDonald’s, featuring the “McNugget Buddies.”  Maybe it’s just because the idea of a talking chicken nugget dressed like the Bride of Frankenstein is rather unusual.  Or maybe it’s because as a miniature enthusiast I was impressed by the mini-castle set.  Whatever the reason, it’s rather amazing:

And not only did the McNugget Buddies star on a series of commercials, they even got their own Happy Meal toy line in the early 90s.  Sadly I didn’t have any of these, as fast food was a rare treat as a kid and we were more Burger King folk.  But I’m sure I coveted them at the time (I certainly do now), along with every other fast food toy ever made. 

Are you craving McNuggets yet?!  If so, that’s messed up because they can talk and have personalities and costumes and SOULS you sicko!

Yes, this is a picture of Count McNugget bathing in Sweet & Sour Sauce.  Don't act like you wouldn't, given the chance.

GOSSELINS, GOBLINS & GHOULS

Kate Plus 8 (2010)

I am an unapologetic fan of Jon & Kate Plus 8 and to a lesser degree Kate Gosselin herself, despite her many glaring flaws.  She’s a type of bitchy that I can appreciate and that makes for good TV.  Even I must admit, however, that past the first few seasons the show degenerated into a fame-whoring mess, going from a realistic look at parents navigating the challenges of having eight young kids to a shrill single mom posturing for the cameras.  Unfortunately this episode falls into the latter half, as it was part of a series of specials that came post-divorce.

Kate has replaced Jon with a plastic pumpkin head.  Upgrade?!

Kate is living in the manse, sporting the extensions, manicured nails and fake tan that mark her post-fame transformation.  Any sense of reality is lost as she stops to sign autographs while shopping and when it comes time to decorate the basement she’s helped solely by the camera crew in lieu of a husband, family or friends.  A fair amount of the episode is taken up with non-holiday related things like the return of the family dog.  It gets dull fast; so dull that halfway through Nick elected to go do the dishes rather than watch the rest of the episode.  Now that’s dull!  Despite these flaws, however, there is some Halloween goodness to be found. 

First Kate lives out one of my fantasies by going on a Party City shopping spree, randomly stuffing three carts full of Halloween decorations in order to create a haunted basement for her kids.  Clearly Party City is footing the bill; indeed you get the sense that throughout this episode Kate doesn’t actually pay for anything, whether it’s pumpkins, dog treats or hay rides.  Still it’s fun to watch her navigate the aisles and later return with the kids to pick out costumes amid the usual last-minute costume mob.

Other Halloween highlights include a trip to the pumpkin patch, a game of toilet paper mummy wrapping, a hayride, pumpkin carving and a trick-or-treating finale.  Cara forgoes a costume and goes as “Cara Gosselin” which violates every tenet of Halloween decorum that I value.  She is forever disqualified from Halloween! 

The kids and their costumes.  And Cara.

All of the above scenes are enjoyable but cracks constantly appear to remind the viewer that this family is living anything but an ordinary life.  While on the aforementioned hayride, in one of the episode’s more surreal moments, Kate recalls the very first episode of the show, in which the family also went to a pumpkin patch.  She asks the kids if they remember and they respond by saying that of course they do because it’s all on the tapes. They’ve traded actual memories for taped episodes of their own show. 

Now that’s scary!

This post brought to you by the good people at Party City.

Recurring Themes: Alexis wears the ever-popular Cleopatra Costume while Kate designs a basement Homemade Haunted House for the kids.

Halloween Quotient: It would be a 4 if not for the bloated running time and non-Halloween stuff crammed in, so this rates a 3.

See It, Skip It, Own It?

This episode is up on Netflix so see it if you have the time and can tolerate this tainted version of Kate Gosselin.  Otherwise you can skip it in favor of the superior Season 1 episode “Ten Little Pumpkins.”

DAWN & THE HAUNTED HOUSE

The Baby-Sitters Club

Season 1 (1990)

Somehow in my youth I never read a single Baby-Sitters Club book, though like any late 80s to 90s kid I was well aware of them.  The Baby-Sitters Club books were something rooted in the background of my childhood, found on library shelves and inside friends’ backpacks, most notable for their awesome covers and that baby block logo.  Despite the massive success of the book series the TV series was a one-season flop and was already a failure regulated to reruns when I first discovered it.  It was one of those midday Saturday afternoon shows found on the Disney Channel, aired only for the very bored and/or lazy.  Of course I watched it.

The best thing about the show, then and now, is its insanely catchy theme song.  Seriously, I defy you not to sing along…

To call “Dawn and the Haunted House” a Halloween episode is something of a stretch, even for my somewhat loose standards.  It falls into a haunted house subgenre that shows often substitute for an actual Halloween episode.  To even use the word “haunted” in this case is pushing it.  Dawn isn’t even really the central character, so basically the title should just be “And the…House.”  Still, it’s the closest thing to a Halloween episode the Baby-Sitters Club offered so I’ll take it.

The plot is your basic “misunderstood neighbor woman believed to be a witch but turns out to be nice.”  The girls in the titular club are leery of spooky neighbor Mrs. Slade.  While in the woods near her house they discover a sick dog and a weird pile of stones (very Blair Witch) and at the hardware store they witness her buying a shovel and… A BROOM!  Burn her!!!!  Obviously, she’s a witch.  I mean, she bought a broom.  

Do not buy a broom in front of these two.  Not even a mop.

At their spooky attic sleepover Claudia is weirdly defensive of Mrs. Slade.  So naturally her rational, loving friends deduce that she’s under a spell.  When they later see her in Mrs. Slade’s house they hatch a scheme in which Mrs. Slade is sent running to the woods to search for an imaginary sick dog while they rescue Claudia.  Who, it turns out, is just being tutored by Mrs. Slade, who is not a witch but a former veterinarian who just really cares about animals.  To the girls’ credit, I myself have confused many a veterinarian for a witch in my day.  They are practically indistinguishable.

The girl gang then rushes into the woods to rectify their mistake, eventually all barking like dogs to better attract Mrs. Slade’s attention.  So yes, you do get a scene of the various members of the Baby-Sitter’s Club all simultaneously barking like dogs in the woods.  Bonus!

There’s a nice little coda at the end in which the girls don monster masks to scare Claudia, which is about as Halloweeny as things get.

Heading off to dish out some more vigilante justice

 Halloween Quotient: 1

See It, Skip It, Own It?

This one is a skip, but hold out for the amazing Christmas diabetes episode (to come!). 

 

THE HAUNTING OF TAYLOR HOUSE

Home Improvement

Season 2 (1992)

In the 90s Home Improvement gave Roseanne a run for the title of Best Overall Halloween Episodes (though in my not-so-humble opinion Roseanne managed to hang on to her Queen of Halloween crown).  Home Improvement’s first Halloween offering is a prime example of how to do a holiday episode right.  Namely: lots and lots of awesome Halloween decorations in the background!

Ignore the carrot woman and take in all that Halloween swag!

The plot is pretty basic and just an excuse to show off the glorious aforementioned décor (the stupid characters kept blocking my view!).  Oldest son Brad is throwing a Halloween party and the Taylor parents have gone full tilt in decorating the house, costuming (after a tried and true “costume store mix-up” Jill ends up in giant carrot costume) and turning the basement into “Catacombs of Terror.”  Brad and his girlfriend Jennifer agreed to dress as Raggedy Ann and Andy but then she shows up with a date and dressed as a biker chick.  Tim advises his son on how to woo her back and then the family comes together to scare the snot out of her snotty date.

Raggedy Brad v. Preteen Biker Gang

This episode has some nice 90s nostalgia casting.  Jennifer’s ne’er-do-well date is played by a young Boy Meets World’s Ryder Strong (along with Jonathan Taylor Thomas, decked out as a pirate in this episode, that’s two prepubescent heartthrobs for the price of one!). Jessica Wesson, who plays Jennifer, also played the bitchy girl in the Casper movie for added 90s Halloween interconnectivity points.  And man, she does her job well.  Jennifer is such a bitch in this episode, with her weird biker outfit and pouting!  Indeed the real theme of the episode seems to be kids acting like assholes, between Jennifer, Ryder Strong’s annoying character and a kid dressed as an atom who continually insults Jill.

This bitch.

But now that the pesky plot is out of the way we can focus on what makes this episode great: the decorations!  The Taylors/set designers truly outdid themselves in terms of party décor.  There is a severed head in the microwave, a “Black Cat Crossing” sign on the oven, a "Pumpkin Loading Zone" sign above the fireplace, several inflatable skeletons, and pumpkins and paper cutouts galore.  I like that it all looks like stuff you could actually buy at your local drugstore.  The party food they prepare is also worth noting: green punch, grape “eyeballs” in custard “puss” and at one point Jill is worried that her “monkey skulls” have burnt.  We never get a good look at exactly what they are (they sort of resemble cinnamon buns) but I bet they were delicious.

My favorite part of the episode?  A little motorized witch-on-broom thing that at one point spins wildly in a circle.  I feel like every family has at least one signature witch decoration they haul out every Halloween (ours was originally a paper cutout and then we eventually upgraded to a light-up plastic one that cackled madly).  The little spinning witch steals the show!  She appears at the left, hovering above the counter in the picture below.

Flying Motorized Witch looks on as Tim stirs the pus.

Recurring Themes: This episode is brimming with familiar tropes.  First there is the Homemade Haunted House in which our characters transform and then tour part of their house, usually the basement.  There is the aforementioned classic Costume Store Mix-Up plus there’s a Head-On-A-Plate (in this case Al).  Finally we have one of the weirder yet persistent themes, that of the Rag Doll Costume.

Halloween Quotient: The plot isn’t the strongest but it’s more than made up for in Halloween goodies, earning a solid 4.

See It, Skip It, Own It?

This episode will definitely get you in the Halloween mood.  It’s worth owning on DVD for annual viewings.  Home Improvement is currently in reruns but this episode is also up on YouTube, though I would recommend watching a higher quality version so you can catch all of that Halloween décor in the background!

SEASON'S SCREENINGS!

I love the holidays and I love TV and more than anything I love holiday-themed episodes of TV shows.  These episodes were part of my earliest holiday traditions: taped-from-TV VHS cassettes (yeah, I’m that old) of Nick at Nite and Disney Channel holiday marathons, complete with commercials.  Every Halloween and Christmas I watched these special episodes with a religious fervor, memorizing them (commercials too) like the words to ancient carols.  In our household Mary Tyler Moore, Bob Newhart and Dick Van Dyke held positions of honor alongside other holiday icons like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

As I grew older my mania for holiday episodes grew with me.  Shows started becoming available on DVD and online and I increased my seasonal viewings to include more and more of them, old favorites alongside newly discovered gems. 

Watch enough of these episodes and you begin to recognize shared themes and small details.  I started keeping a record of my annual viewings, wrote short plot descriptions, developed a ratings system and tracked common tropes. Each year I note how many episodes I watch and try to top my previous record (I adhere to a strict policy of only watching episodes during their appropriate timeframe, so Halloween episodes can only be watched during October, Thanksgiving episodes in November and so on.  It keeps them special and also adds a slightly frenzied time limit that only adds to the thrill).

Now I’m sharing my years of research and holiday TV traditions with you.  This blog will be a record of the many episodes I watch, along with reviews and recaps.  Each episode entry/blog post will feature a few things: along with a short plot synopsis and my review there will be a rating, based more on the level of holiday cheer as opposed to how objectively good the episode itself may be.  There will also be the ongoing trope tracker, keeping tabs on the many recurring themes and plots that crop up.  And finally I’ll let you know whether the episode in question is worth watching, owning for repeat viewings or skipping altogether.  Warning: there will be spoilers a-plenty but the vast majority of shows I'll be writing about have long since aired.

Outside of the regular episode posts there will also be TV Special Spotlights, Film Focuses, vintage holiday commercial goodness and all sorts of seasonal treats to get you in a celebratory mood.

So won’t you join me before the warming glow of your TV screen?

Happy Holidays & Season’s Screenings Everybody!