SEASON'S STAGINGS: HOLIDAY INN

Growing up, the movie Holiday Inn was a perennial favorite in our household, especially around Christmas.  It’s a combination of all my favorite things: musicals, the 1940s, inns, New England, and, most importantly, holidays!  So when I heard there was a new stage musical adaptation headed for Broadway, I promptly bought tickets.  Some unabashed Golden Age musical optimism seemed the perfect anodyne to these last few days of the most stressful election season ever (something the lead actor touched upon during his closing remarks).  It’s got that All-American, Greatest Generation “we’re gonna put on a show!” (which is literally dialogue in the musical) sunniness.

Although the critical reviews were somewhat tepid, I was not disappointed.  The first act was definitely a bit sluggish despite the many chipper Irving Berlin tunes (in addition to the holiday-themed tunes that appear in the original film, the stage version is padded out with several other Berlin songs such as “Blue Skies”).   There was a lot of plot set-up before we actually got to the holidays themselves, but once the first seasonal number started (replete with showgirls dressed like turkeys wearing cornucopia headpieces) I was all in.  The best number came towards the end of Act One—and I’m not saying that just because it was Christmas-themed.

Interestingly, the song was “Shaking the Blue Away,” a Berlin tune I associate more with Easter since it appears in the film Easter Parade.   However here it was repurposed and staged at Christmastime, with a bevy of enthusiastic showboys and showgirls shaking and singing while simultaneously decorating the inn for Christmas.  Most impressive was a tap routine that was done while the dancers also jumped rope using a bedazzled garland.  That’s the kind of old school musical razzle dazzle that I live for! 

The second act was loaded with holiday-themed numbers, including the aforementioned “Easter Parade” (with wonderfully over-the-top Easter bonnets) as well as numbers devoted to Valentine’s Day and the 4^th of July, including a recreation of Fred Astaire’s famous fireworks and tap routine.  Gone is the “Abraham” number from the original film, which makes sense given that it was done in blackface (a reminder that the 1940s, however idealized now, was also fucked up).  The ensemble of the stage version was relatively diverse, and one of the male leads was African-American, which signaled a nice change from the all-white casts of days gone by.  There was one sour note, a tired trans-panic joke where one of the showgirls speaks in a deep man's voice and scares off one of the male leads.  I was surprised that such a moment (aside from being unfunny) would be included in such a traditionally queer-friendly space as Broadway theatre.

Also gone was the problematic character of the African-American housekeeper, replaced with a coded lesbian “handywoman” played to perfection by Megan Lawrence.  It’s the type of supporting character that Thelma Ritter or Mary Wickes would have relished back in the day.  The other standout for me was leading lady Megan Sikora, who in addition to all of the dancing and singing was extremely funny in the type of part that can sometimes be a bit bland.  Speaking of a bit bland, the one weak spot was High School Musical graduate Corbin Bleu.  His dancing was admirable (he’s the one that does the 4^th of July fireworks routine), but his character, a lovable cad played by Fred Astaire in the film, fell flat.  Perhaps due to a surfeit of dialogue, his character barely registered outside of his dancing. 

The true stars of the night, however, was the cranky elderly woman and her hard-of-hearing husband sitting behind us!  She irritably repeated the punchline of every joke to him after the fact, and after a not-terribly-funny joke about a character being stung by a Connecticut wasp, she relayed the punchline and then said:

Cranky Wife: “Took you long enough.”

Husband: “What?”

Cranky Wife: “I said, took you long enough!”

Husband: Pause.  Yes, it did.

I’m waiting for the day those two get their own Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?-style stage musical extravaganza!

FILM FOCUS: VALENTINE

I am (somewhat covertly) a big horror movie fan, though my weak constitution places limits on how and which horror movies I watch.  Rather than see a scary movie in the theater, I much prefer to watch them the way I did growing up, as reruns on cable with the goriest parts edited out by some kindly network censor.  Watching scary movies on TV also gives you the handy option of quickly changing the channel right before something gruesome happens, and then switching back when you think it’s safe (often only to catch the tail end of the gruesome bit--it takes practice).  I don’t go for gore or “torture porn” but I love me a good  ole fashioned chase sequence and a hapless group of sexy teenagers getting bumped off one by one.  As Nick said the other night, he knows that if I like a certain horror movie it must mean that it’s not actually scary. 

Since the 1970s success of Halloween and Black Christmas, moviemakers have long mined the 'holiday + psychopathic killer = box office gold' formula.  When thinking of a Valentine’s Day slasher film the obvious choice may be My Bloody Valentine (both the original and the more recent 3D remake).  But again, I tend to opt for not-very-scary slashers, so for me the cupid-killer movie that holds my heart is 2001’s box office embarrassment, Valentine.

Valentine is one of those movies with a cast of somewhat recognizable faces, mostly culled from TV shows.  David Boreanz is the biggest name, probably followed by Katherine Heigl, who is only in one scene  because **spoiler** she dies (this is not a spoiler because basically everyone dies).  Heigl later publically regretted her involvement in this movie, claiming she hadn’t read the entire script before signing on.  Knowing how apparently unashamed she is of her many other shitty movies, that really speaks to the quality of Valentine.  Even the movie’s director (who also directed Urban Legends, another fun, not terribly frightening slasher flick I enjoy) has publically apologized for Valentine’s shortcomings.  They can all say what they will, but I still get a kick out of the proceedings.

There really isn’t a plot so much as a series of deaths connected by a Valentine’s Day theme.  The movie begins with a flashback, in which a group of middle school girls help humiliate a dorky boy at a Valentine’s Day dance.  Years later the girls are all blond (except for one, Denise Richards) and sexy and living in San Francisco (which looks more like L.A. by way of Toronto).  One by one the girls receive threatening valentines signed by “JM,” the initials of the geeky boy from their past.  And then one by one they get killed off, along with a lot of other secondary characters who solely hang around to provide a bigger body count (seriously, was it really necessary to kill the maid?!). 

The women fall into the usual horror movie clichés: smart one, fun one, good girl and the slutty girl, the latter played with some spark by Denise Richards.  They are less notable for their characterizations than they are for the methods of their deaths—one is literally shot with arrows by the cupid-masked killer.  The movie’s most memorable death again belongs to Denise Richards.  It involves a sealed Jacuzzi and a power drill, and I'll leave it at that.   There is also the single worst fake severed head you will ever see in a movie.  Not only does it not in the least resemble the doomed detective it’s meant to represent, it’s clearly a mask someone bought at a Spirit Halloween close-out sale.

It all may sound pretty bloody but the gore is surprisingly minimal.  I won’t spoil the ending but basically there are two candidates for who the killer may be, and ultimately neither really makes sense (I even watched the closing scene with the director’s commentary this year and it still didn’t fully clear it up for me).  Amidst all the death is a lot of talk of dating and romance and some odd sexual moments (but no real nudity).  Example: a creepy dude is caught trying on his neighbor’s pantyhose before being bludgeoned to death with an iron.

In terms of its holiday theming, however, Valentine nails it.  There are the aforementioned creepy death threat valentines.  There is maggot-filled candy in a heart-shaped box, red roses, and a heart-shaped sucker.  The final third takes place at the world’s most lavish Valentine’s Day party, with tons of decorations that suggests a passion for the holiday that nobody seems to have in real life.  The killer is also on-theme, wearing a porcelain cupid’s mask.  If you’re one of the many anti-Valentine’s Day people out there, watching a bunch of aspiring early 2000 starlets get murdered by a killer cupid ain’t a bad way to pass the evening.  Or, if you’re like me, and like your horror fairly tame and intestine-free and can appreciate a good-bad movie for what it’s worth, check out the movie or at least the trailer below.

I do still feel bad that the maid had to die though. 

HEY, BABY, WHAT'S WRONG?

30 Rock

Season 6 (2012)

I've never before been so committed to watching Valentine's Day episodes, so it's been fun tracking a whole new set of TV tropes that come with the holiday.  I've discovered that pretty much every Valentine's Day-themed episode, whether it be sitcom, drama or reality show, will feature at least one character who hates the holiday and decries it as a made-up "Hallmark holiday."  Indeed, judging by TV standards alone, Valentine's Day must easily be the most hated holiday of them all.  30 Rock not only brought us numerous Valentine's Day episodes over the course of its seven seasons, but it also crowned Liz Lemon the Queen of Hating Valentine's Day (a crown I would like to see-- I'm picturing iron spikes piercing paper hearts).

30 Rock made Valentine's Day episodes a tradition so there are a wealth to choose from.  The best and wackiest (which is saying something) is probably the hour-long "Hey, Baby, What's Wrong?" AKA The Ikea Episode.  We begin with Liz Lemon being awakened by her boyfriend Criss, who serenades her with a half-written love song.  Liz tells him that she plans on ignoring the holiday, based on her history of disastrous February 14ths (which we are shown a quick montage of, flashing back to some of the earlier episodes).  Criss convinces Liz that now that they are together they can turn the holiday around, promising to make her a romantic dinner, complete with "mashed potatoes served in martini glasses."  Yum!  When they realize that they don't even have a dining room table, however, a horrified Liz states that they'll have to go Ikea.

The rest of the episode unfolds as Criss and Liz attempt to navigate the store without arguing, as Ikea tends to destroy relationships.  This makes total sense to me, as Target tends to be kryptonite for Nick and I; rarely can we make a Target trip without some sort of argument ensuing.  Blame the stress, blame the crowds, blame the rage-inducing red shopping carts.  In this episode Ikea plays a similar role, challenging Liz and Criss' happiness at every turn.  There's even a stalkerish employee who follows their increasing tension with creepy glee, feeding off of their misery.  

You've just gotta love those blue giant-sized Ikea bags!

Despite Criss' efforts to buy heart-shaped salt and pepper shakers, Liz eventually blows her top when he can't decide on a table.  They end up arguing and she stalks off, convinced their relationship is over and that Ikea has won.  However once she returns home she finds a totally calm Criss, who has assembled a table out of tree limbs and an old Herman Cain campaign poster and cooked the romantic dinner after all.  He shows Liz that one Ikea fight does not a relationship end and they settle down to dinner-- only for the makeshift table to collapse and Liz to utter the best and final line of the episode: "This gets me out of sex!"

Conservatives in love. It involves a lot of navy and gray.

Since this is an hour-long episode there are a ton of other storylines.  One involves Jack fighting his attraction to his mother-in-law (guest star Mary Steenbergen) as they visit the U.N.  Concurrently producer Pete attempts to coach Jenna for her live singing event, eventually figuring out that pain is her best motivation.  Finally, yet another plot follows loser Lutz as he's coached by his co-workers on how to pick up insecure women (hence the episode's title).  Jack's scenes at the U.N. are a lot of fun (they involve a totally-not-a-vampire Transylvanian delegate) but even better is a scene in which a desperate restauranteur tries to lure Jack and his mother-in-law in for a romantic Valentine's Day dinner.  Seriously, is there anything more terrible than those guys who stand outside restaurants and  aggressively try to get you inside?  This is why I hate you, Little Italy.

Though it's a bit overflowing, even given the extra half-hour, this is a standout episode of the show as well as terrific Valentine's Day viewing.  I was never a big fan of the Criss character, perhaps due to the casting of so-so actor James Marsden.  Plus it just seemed that a smart character like Liz would never sell out for a dumb (albeit loving) pretty boy.  But the real draw here, as always, is Tina Fey's portrayal of Liz Lemon, in all her self-deprecating glory.  The jokes come so fast you'll need repeat viewings to catch them all, and it doesn't get more Valentinish than someone getting shot with an arrow, as Jenna is during her moment in the spotlight.

Recurring Themes: Liz represents the Everybody Hates Valentine's Day masses.  And while they aren't technically shopping for gifts, Liz and Criss' trip to Ikea counts as Last Minute Shopping.

Valentine's Day Quotient: 3

See It, Skip It, Own It?

All of 30 Rock is worth owning, for the Valentine's Day episodes alone.

VALENTINE'S DAY

Roseanne
Season 3 (1991)

I was delighted to discover this Valentine’s Day episode of Roseanne; I’m a big fan of the show but somehow had never seen this.  First things first: the terrible hair!  Roseanne went through many looks over the course of the show but she’s sporting a truly awful hairstyle in this episode: cut short and dyed a weird shade of red.  Even Jackie has bad hair in this episode, eschewing her classic short hairdo for bangs and long locks.  I just had to get the hair out of the way.

The Conner men fail at Valentine's Day

We begin on Valentine’s Day morning, and Dan has forgotten the holiday.  Roseanne preys on his guilt, especially when DJ gives her a Valentine.  DJ’s Valentine turns out to be “From Warren,” as he says the one he made was no good and so he fished Warren’s discarded, gravy-stained Valentine out of the trash.  Everything in Roseanne’s life needs to be just a bit beat-up (and better yet gravy-stained), which is why the show is so relatable and true-to-life (and why the final season was so terrible!).

The greatest spin-off that never was

After consulting with Jackie, Dan reluctantly heads to the mall to buy Roseanne’s desired gift: lingerie.  This was by far my favorite part of the episode, as it introduces us to the “BIG and Beautiful” lingerie store in the Lanford Mall.  Dan, as a man surrounded by women and panties, is a nervous wreck.  Upon entering the store he’s assessed by the two sales associates, who try to determine if he’s  a pervert or just a husband.  They come to his aid but he eventually runs off without buying anything.

All kinds of yes!

The two store employees, neither of whom is plus-sized and who are named Amy and Jennifer, sport some amazing 90s looks and have a very fun dynamic.  Amy is wearing a floral Laura Ashley-type dress and has weird curlicues gelled to the sides of her face.  I was utterly amazed when I looked it up and discovered that she was played by a very young Judy Gold, a favorite comedian of mine (and if you know anything about Judy Gold and her laid-back persona, it makes sense why she looks so uncomfortable in a giant floral dress).  We as a society were robbed of our “BIG and Beautiful” spinoff show!  I would have loved to watch a show set in the store and witnessed the further adventures of Amy and Jennifer!

The main plot of the episode concerns Becky trying to help Darlene get a date for the Valentine’s Day dance, but Darlene’s crush ends up asking Becky instead, inadvertently egged on by Roseanne.  The sisters eventually work things out, and Dan ends up giving Roseanne a homemade Valentine, not the lingerie she asked for.  He writes a cute little poem and signs it “From Warren” so Roseanne forgives him and goes to the bedroom to “try it on.”

This episode also features two notable side characters.  We are first introduced to Martin Mull as Leon, Roseanne’s manager at the restaurant (and later business partner).  Leon was eventually revealed to be gay and remained a very positive gay presence on TV when such a thing was still rare (and sadly still kind of is).  The other is a cameo appearance by Baby Tobey Maguire as Jeff, one of Darlene’s crush’s friends.  So much 90s goodness packed into one great holiday episode!

I love how Roseanne is looming in the background.  Look out, Tobey!

Recurring Themes: Dan does some Last Minute Shopping.

Valentine’s Day Quotient: 3

See It, Skip It, Own It?
Worth a watch, especially is you are a fan of Roseanne and/or of 90s fashions!

GALENTINE'S DAY

Parks and Recreation 
Season 2 (2010)

Just yesterday I read that Parks and Recreation has been renewed for a seventh season.  I have very mixed feelings about this; in the show’s early years I prayed it wouldn't get cancelled but as it’s been limping its way through the current Season 6 I was somewhat hoping for a mercy killing.  This early Valentine’s Day episode demonstrates everything that was right with the show for its first 4 seasons, as well as a making glaringly obvious everything that’s wrong with it now.

We begin with Leslie Knope’s Galentine’s celebration, an annual gathering of female friends for breakfast held on February 13th.  Leslie has prepared gift bags for everyone with extremely thoughtful, handmade gifts, including portrait mosaics made from the crushed bottles of their favorite beverages.  Leslie’s manic attention to detail and obsession with perfect gift-giving is only one of many reasons why I love her!  Part of the tradition includes Leslie’s mom telling the story of her youthful lost love, a boy named Frank that she met on vacation. Frank saved her from drowning but then they were forbidden from seeing each other.

You'd be beaming too if you'd just received a portrait mosaic

The next day Leslie and the Parks & Rec crew prepare for the senior citizen Valentine’s Day dance.  Leslie’s boyfriend of the moment, lawyer Justin, hears the story from the day before and encourages Leslie to track down Frank and reunite him with her mom at the dance.  After tracking him down, they embark on a road trip to bring back Frank.

Meanwhile the rest of the crew is having romantic trials and travails of their own.  Tom is unsuccessfully attempting to woo his former green card wife.  Ann is having misgivings about her perfectly normal (and perfectly boring) relationship with Mark, despite his showering her with purposefully cliché Valentine’s Day gifts.  And April and Andy are engaged in a flirtation, even though she's involved with her bisexual boyfriend (and his tagalong boyfriend).  Leslie and Mark eventually find Frank (guest star John Larroquette), who acts increasingly odd and nervous, leading Leslie to question their plan.

Everything comes together (and falls apart at the dance).  April dumps her obnoxious hipster boyfriend after he can’t stop making fun of the senior citizens, and cloaking everything “in, like, fifteen layers of irony.”  Tom gets turned down, yet again.  Leslie tries to call off the reunion due to Frank’s bizarre behavior, but Justin eggs him on.  It’s predictably disastrous, with Frank proving himself a legit weirdo.  Ron and Leslie have a conversation in which Ron sagely identifies Justin as a “tourist,” someone who jumps into people’s lives, gathers stories, and doesn’t consider others’ feelings.  

Leslie & The Tourist

The characters of Parks and Recreation and the show itself always had a lot of heart and this shines through in this episode, such as a tender moment in which hard-shelled April tells an elderly couple how adorable they are.  I also love the subtle douchery of Justin (played by Justin Theroux) in this episode.  He’s a seemingly nice and interesting guy but is really a stealth asshole, and its this type of layered characterization that I’m afraid the show has lost in its later seasons.  The show has gotten broader and broader: Andy has gotten dumber and more obnoxious, Leslie even more manic, the characters less believable. 

The greatest cookie in the world!

The dance scenes in this episode are bursting with Valentine sweetness, and full of pink and red décor.  Leslie’s mom is seen nibbling one of those heart-shaped, red-sprinkled supermarket sugar cookies that I absolutely live for this time of year (I once scoured half of Manhattan looking for some).  Even the music, provided by Andy’s fictional band Mouse Rat, is lovely: classic love songs slightly tweaked and providing the perfect soundtrack to the heartbreaks and new loves that unfold over the course of the episode.

Valentine’s Day Quotient: 5

See It, Skip It, Own It?
The perfect episode to get you in a sweet and sentimental mood for the holiday—go watch it!  And the entire Season 2 is worth owning.

And here's one more mosaic for the road:

DICK PUTS THE ID IN CUPID

3rd Rock from the Sun
Season 5 (2000)

Before 30 Rock there was 3rd Rock from the Sun-- though the two shows actually have absolutely nothing in common save for each having a “3” and “Rock” in their titles.  I discovered 3rd Rock from the Sun in reruns (RIP, UPN) and despite the silly premise of aliens posing as a human family it’s a very enjoyable show, bolstered by excellent performances and quirky supporting characters.  As the equal parts ego-maniacal and utterly naïve Dick Solomon, John Lithgow is pretty genius and the always funny Jane Curtin as Dick’s beleaguered girlfriend Dr. Mary Albright is equally delightful.  

I can't get enough of Valentine's Day-themed wrapping paper pics!

3rd Rock from the Sun delivered quite a few holiday episodes over the course of its run, including Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving and New Year’s shows.  This Season 5 Valentine’s Day offering is a bit uneven, as it features three different story lines  of varying quality, but all related to the holiday.  The first story concerns Dick’s discovery that his girlfriend Mary is in therapy.  He books a session with the same therapist (SNL alum Ana Gaesteyer) and spies on Mary’s files in order to buy her the perfect Valentine’s Day gift.  Mary is thrilled with the sentimental gift but horrified when she learns of Dick’s methods, culminating in a shared emergency Valentine’s Day therapy session.

Beware cops bringing bouquets

The episode’s best storyline concerns Sally and her cop boyfriend Don.  Don leaves Sally flowers and a Valentine from a “secret admirer,” which she misinterprets as being from a crazed stalker who wants her literal heart on Valentine’s Day.  Embarrassed, Don pretends to pursue the fictional stalker until finally having to admit that he’s been the suspected pervert all along.

Note the roses, chocolates, card & mug on the side table.  Valentine's Day done right!

Finally teen Tommy has booked a hotel room for Valentine’s Day, planning on losing his virginity to his girlfriend Alissa (played by Alex Mack, AKA Larisa Oleynik, herself!).  When he learns Alissa isn’t a virgin he ends up having sex with Mary’s visiting niece for practice.  Thinking Alissa will be thrilled, he is surprised when she of course freaks out, leaving him to watch Pay-Per-View porn in the hotel room by himself.

There is a weird emphasis on sandwiches in this episode.  Dick talks about how last Valentine’s Day his gift to Mary was a ham sandwich, and Sally plans on giving Don a ham sandwich as well.  When the niece shows up she asks Tommy to make her a sandwich prior to them having sex, and then he eats a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while she tells him that she’s turned on by “food, clothing and shelter.” In other words, depending on your own level of perviness,  this episode will either make you hungry or turn you on or both.

Pretty much every episode of the show relied on the characters being confused by some Earth custom, whether it’s Valentine’s Day or utensils or love. Even the whole “slutty rebellious visiting teenage niece” is a tried and true sitcom trope. Despite the predictability of the formula, it’s all rather charming thanks to the solid performances.  And who could have guessed that Joseph Gordon-Levitt would graduate from horny alien teenager to genuine movie star?!

Recurring Themes: Dick goes to great lengths during his Perfect Gift Search.

Valentine’s Day Quotient: While all three of the storylines are connected to the holiday in some way, some of the connections are tenuous at best, averaging out to a 3.

See It, Skip It, Own It?
The Sally and Don storyline is by far the best and most holiday-centric, but the rest of the episode is just so-so.  Feel free to skip this one.

DIAMONDS

Everybody Loves Raymond
Season 1 (1997)

A lot of sitcoms get goofier in their later seasons, but as this Season 1 episode of Everybody Loves Raymond demonstrates, this show didn’t hit its stride until it scaled back the goofy in favor of showing the humor of smaller, more realistic incidents.  “Diamonds” begins with Robert announcing his arrest of a family friend, from whom both Ray and patriarch Frank bought their spouses' wedding rings.  Robert reveals all of the fake jewelry they discovered, causing Ray to freak out and realize that the diamond in Debra’s engagement ring has always been glass (“Not glass—glassite” says Robert, one of the episode’s better lines). 

Ray’s attempts to steal the ring from Deborah so he can replace it with a real diamond for Valentine’s Day go predictably awry.  We get a long sequence of Ray trying to extract the ring from Debra’s finger while she sleeps. It goes on way too long and shows that Ray Romano’s strengths as a comedian do not lie in slapstick (I’m not really sure what his strengths are—looking exasperated?  Portraying sloth?).  Debra awakens to find him with a flashlight and some butter and they engage in some weird sex role play game (thankfully off camera). 

Awards for Cutest Couple, Best Wrapped Gifts & Most 90s Outfit (for Amy)

Ray eventually steals the ring while Debra’s in the shower, causing her to go on a frantic search on Valentine’s Day.  Meanwhile new couple Amy and Robert exchange presents.  Side Note: I never realized that the character of Amy, one of my favorites on the show and Robert’s eventual wife, dated all the way back to the first season.  She gives him a tie and he gives her an iguana (again with the goofy; things got better, trust me).  Ray arrives with flowers and the redone ring, only for Debra to reveal that years ago she substituted her grandmother’s $15,000 diamond for the fake one.

Roses induce semi-creepy smiles and tears

It’s a nice twist and Patricia Heaton (as Debra) plays her role with aplomb, going from teary to angry in a split second. The ending is rather weird: the couple’s daughter shows them a paper valentine a classmate made for her, with chewed gum stuck in the middle.  This somehow reminds them that love isn’t materialistic or something—I don’t really get it, especially since during the credits we see them digging in a dumpster looking for the discarded diamond, suggesting that at the end of the day $15,000 trumps construction paper sentiment.

Recurring Themes: Robert engages in a Perfect Gift Search, a trope so tropey that it's been carried over from the Christmas season!

Valentine’s Day Quotient: Thanks to the scenes of Valentine-making and gift exchanging, this earns a 3.

See It, Skip It, Own It?
Worth a watch if you have the time but there are better both Valentine’s Day and Everybody Loves Raymond episodes out there.

VALENTINE'S DAY

Jon & Kate Plus 8
Season 3 (2008)

This month I used some Christmas cash to buy the first three seasons of Jon & Kate Plus 8 on DVD.  Nick was okay with it once he learned each season only cost around $3 and therefore Kate Gosselin wouldn’t be profiting much from my shopping spree (if spending $6 counts as a spree).  This Valentine’s Day episode comes from the show’s third season, meaning it’s pre-divorce, pre-Kate on Dancing with the Stars, pre-everything is horrible.   The kids are very young and unaffected and Jon and Kate are only gently bickering, as opposed to engaging in outright warfare.  

During the course of the episode Jon and Kate represent the two opposing views of Valentine’s Day.  Jon thinks it’s a fake holiday invented by greeting card companies.  He waits until Valentine’s Day itself to go out and buy Kate a present, which he “wraps” in the car.  He also throws a tantrum when she asks him to wear a festive tee-shirt.  “It’s a medium!” he yells in disgust before hurling the shirt on the ground.  Knowing the cheating, lawsuits and acrimony that lie just a couple of years ahead, the image of the discarded “I Love Kate” tee-shirt on the floor seems more than a little prescient.  Plus it really bothers me that the shirt actually reads “I Heart Love Kate” and therefore makes no sense.

I Heart Love You Too

Kate, on the other hands, goes all out for the holiday in a way that I can only admire.  She decorates, puts together little gift bags for the kids, and proudly wears her “I Heart Love Jon” shirt.  She also themes all of the kids' food, making heart-shaped pancakes, heart-shaped grilled cheese and even cutting cucumbers into hearts.  I am a sucker for themed holiday food of any kind, so I highly approve.  

Heart-Shaped Grilled Cheese & Cucumbers for 6

Kate also creates edible Play-Doh for the kids (the one kid that tries to eat everything also tries to eat paper hearts at one point) and organizes a scavenger hunt in the house.  Every single thing seen and done in this episode is somehow themed to the holiday, thanks to Kate’s efforts, and this is a pre-fame version of Kate that’s quite likeable.  She seems to be doing everything to genuinely make a nice holiday for her kids, as opposed to doing it for the sake of the cameras.  This truly is the show at its peak, and by the next season it would all start to grow tainted by fame, money and out-of-control egos.

While decorating, it's best to coordinate one's outfit with the paper cut-outs

I know a lot of you are probably more sympathetic to Jon’s view of Valentine’s Day as a sort of bullshit holiday, but I of course am all for it. And I say that as someone who actually worked at a greeting card store for a couple of years and witnessed the hordes of last-minute husbands and boyfriends, like Jon in this episode, desperately buying whatever they could lay their hands on to alleviate the romantic pressure.  But I believe that we need Valentine’s Day to break up the doldrums of February and rather than ignore it, I agree with Kate in trying to make it even more of a big deal than it already is, replete with decorations and themed food and outfits.  As Kate says in this episode, it’s all about love-- whether that’s love for your kids, your soon-to-be-ex husband, or simply the holiday itself.

Recurring Themes: Jon runs out to the mall and does some Last Minute Shopping (which is also a Christmas trope!).

Valentine’s Day Quotient: 5

See It, Skip It, Own It?
This is a charming episode and chockfull of Valentine’s goodness.  Watch and enjoy!