A PIECE OF CAKE

Golden Girls
Season 2 (1987)

Over the years Golden Girls had several anthology-style episodes, composed of several original, albeit short, segments held together by oh-so-subtle framing scenes (“That reminds me of the time…”). Anthology episodes aren’t usually my favorite, but then again some of the show’s best moments sprang from episodes of this type, as the birthday-themed “A Piece of Cake” proves.

We begin with the girls preparing a surprise birthday party for their friend Roberta.  Golden Girls was never that solid on continuity, so dear “Roberta” is never seen nor mentioned outside of this episode (she was condemned to the same limbo as Coco, the girls’ gay housekeeper seen only in the pilot).  Sophia realizes she forgot to bake the birthday cake, so as she bakes (and gets drunk on rum) the girls reminiscence about past birthdays.

The first segment is my favorite, as it involves Rose surprising Dorothy with a birthday celebration at Mr. Ha Ha’s Hot Dog Hacienda, a Chuckie Cheese-style kiddie restaurant.  Dorothy is not feeling the food (including something called a Cherry Burpee) or Mr. Ha Ha himself, an obnoxious clown.  Things go from bad to mortifying when she’s called up on stage with the other birthday kids and, as the oldest, is forced to lead the birthday parade.  My family and friends can tell you that I LOATHE being sung to at restaurants on my birthday (and for the record I am anti-picture taking in restaurants as well), so I can really relate to Dorothy in this scene, even more so than usual.

Argh!  And hello perfectly posed lady in the background!

There is also a weird moment when one of the kids, who kind of looks like a young ginger Ben Savage, has some dubbed dialogue.  And the dialogue is clearly being done by an adult woman trying to sound like a young boy.  It’s terrifyingly surreal.  You can also see "Bobby" clearly looking at and being directed by someone off-screen moments before he walks over to Dorothy with a piece of cake.  Shocking that Jeffrey Webber's career didn't take off after this episode and his only other screen credit as "Child" in something called "On Location: The Roseanne Barr Show" (thanks IMDB!).

The next segment is sad.  I mean, it’s bleak.  It’s a flashback to before Rose moved to Miami and gives us a rare glimpse at the oft-referenced St. Olaf. Her husband has recently died and so she has baked her own birthday cake, which she “surprises” herself with.  She then proceeds to talk to her husband’s ghost about how she’s moving because she can’t handle the memories of their old home.  The scene fades out on her cutting into her cake, by herself.  Alone.  A widow.  On her birthday.  Like I said, bleak.

Make the sadness stop...

The other two segments are a flashback to Sophia’s 50th birthday in New York and a surprise party the girls threw for Blanche.  The Sophia-Dorothy flashback scenes were never particular favorites of mine, though I bet Estelle Getty welcomed the chance to show people how much younger she was in real life, sans wig and old lady glasses.  The Blanche scene is more fun, for Rose invites all of the men from Blanche’s little black book to the party.  Back to the present and the girls make their way to the living room—only to turn around and surprise Blanche.  Turns out the birthday party is for her, one week early.  An all-male conga line appears from the lanai and everyone goes dancing into the sunset.

What’s not to love here?  Golden Girls is just sheer perfection.  Even when it's not that great it's still amazing, and when it's amazing it's AMAZING.  In an early scene in this episode Dorothy pops a balloon animal named Scotty that Rose makes.  In an episode of Maude that I recently watched, Maude (also played by Bea Arthur) pops a balloon being held by Vivian (played by Rue McClanahan).  I really hope on Bea Arthur’s resume, under “Special Skills” it listed “Disdainful Balloon Popping.”  Nobody does it better than Bea!

Dorothy goes in for the kill

Birthday Quotient: 5

See It, Skip It, Own It?
Do I really need to say it?  Own it.

TWENTY-ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER

Gilmore Girls
Season 6 (2005)

Not many WB shows can boast former Secretary of State Madeline Albright as a guest star, but Gilmore Girls was a classy kind of show (Christiane Amanpour and Norman Mailer also logged guest appearances during the show's run)   Early on in this Season 6 episode Rory has a dream in which Madeline shows up to wish her a happy birthday, just one of many reasons to love this birthday bonanza.  

This episode of Gilmore Girls ranks in my Top 25 list for many reasons.  It takes place during one of my favorite seasons, during which Lorelai and Rory were estranged, Lorelai and Luke were engaged, and Rory was living with her grandparents (aka “The Pool House Era”). This episode marks the beginning of their reconciliation, showcases Emily Gilmore at her absolute bitchy best and a trademark lavish Gilmore party.  It’s also the show’s one true Halloween episode, though the Halloween-related scenes are minor (and I’ll keep them in reserve for an October post).  A dollhouse is even featured in the opening scene—all of my favorite things in one episode!

Rory’s 21st birthday is fast approaching, and both mother and daughter are feeling blue.  For years they planned to be in Atlantic City, playing blackjack at midnight and then buying 21 souvenirs and kissing 21 men.  Now, however, they’re not even speaking.  Emily offers to throw Rory a party, and we’re treated to scenes of invitation selection, cake-tasting and Emily ordering around the hired help (always a treat).

Amidst the elaborate party preparations Emily and Richard suspect that Rory is sleeping with her boyfriend Logan. They invite their pastor over to awkwardly interrogate Rory over dinner, a memorable and hilarious scene in which she reveals that the ship has long since sailed in terms of her virginity. 

The party itself takes up the final third of the episode, and it’s a real treat.  Everyone shows up, including “Rory’s Asian friend” (as Emily insists on calling Lane), Paris, Logan, Lorelai and Luke.  Lorelai feels awkward at her own daughter’s party, interacting with Rory’s new middle-aged DAR friends and drinking the signature cocktail, a pink concoction named “the Rory” that Luke describes as tasting like a liquefied My Little Pony.  While Richard sulks in his study and fights with Emily over Rory’s lack of direction, Lorelai and Luke end up leaving early.

Proudly Presenting the Rory!

All parties can be judged by the guests, the food, and the general ambiance, and Rory’s 21st birthday bash delivers on all three counts.  There’s lots of familial drama and awkward interactions between guests.  There is also a lot of emphasis on and discussion about the party’s “chocolate boxes” (which are apparently exactly what they sound like—a sort of dessert/favor for all of the guests), the Rory cocktail and the catered sushi.  Finally, for ambiance there’s the gorgeous Gilmore mansion and Emily’s sparkling silver blouse.  

And for the record, I would LOVE to sip a Rory while attending an Emily Gilmore soiree.  The pinker the drink the better!

Birthday Quotient: 4

See It, Skip It, Own It?
All of Gilmore Girls is worth watching and owning—but feel free to skip Season 7.

FILM FOCUS: THE LUCK OF THE IRISH

I am an unabashed fan of Disney Channel original movies; I haven’t kept up as much in recent years but I have watched and enjoyed many in my time.  Some even achieve a sort of low-budget brilliance (Don’t Look Under the Bed, Wish Upon a Star and the Halloweentown franchise spring to mind).  In addition to a host of Christmas and Halloween-themed movies over the years, in 2001 the Disney Channel made a stab at St. Patrick’s Day with The Luck of the Irish.  Even with pre-lowered expectations The Luck of the Irish proved to be both a bit painful to sit through and, at times, absurdly delightful—in other words the usual mix one encounters with a made-for-television movie.

The plot is your basic “preteen discovers he is a half-paranomal creature,” well-trod territory that’s been covered with everything from witches to mermaids.  Naturally in this case our hero learns he is half-leprechaun (on his mother’s side) once he starts shrinking, his hair turns red and his ears grow pointed.  Kyle (played by Ryan Merriman) must then battle an evil senior leprechaun who steals his family’s good luck in the form of a magical coin Kyle normally wears around his neck.  In the process he’s reunited with his estranged leprechaun grandfather, who runs a potato chip factory (as one does).

Even at a trim hour and a half (with commercials) The Luck of the Irish dragged; it had a few good lunatic moments but way too much basketball (which the main character plays…and plays…and plays).  Weirdly, this is the second "leprechaun playing basketball" bit of media I've consumed this month, after reading Leprechauns Don't Play Basketball.  I think I've discovered a new subgenre!  

There is a nice scene in the movie set at a lavish Irish festival, complete with carnival rides, Irish step dancing and booths selling all sorts of Irish wares.  Kyle’s mom, who morphs into a full leprechaun early on, also brings some charm as she cooks disgusting Irish breakfasts and struggles to unbuckle her seatbelt while in miniature form. But the real draw here is the villain, Seamus McTiernan.

Firstly, of course the villain’s name is “Seamus.”  Aren’t they all?  Seamus starts out as the leader of the Irish step dancers, wearing a rather flamboyant green silk blouse.  As the movie progresses he starts to increasingly lose his shit, engaging in an RV car chase and challenging the young hero to a sporting competition (which involves throwing wagon wheels, dancing, and hurling boulders).  But it’s during the penultimate basketball game showdown between the good leprechauns and the evil middle-aged ones (don’t ask) that Seamus goes from campy antagonist to the stuff of nightmares.  

When it looks like Seamus will lose the basketball game he literally changes from normal-looking dude to utterly freaky leprechaun-monster (still wearing his basketball uniform though).  Don’t believe the level of freakiness?  Take a look at this pic and see if you can spot which player is Seamus:

Argh!  He’s basically Satan if Satan was a basketball-playing leprechaun.  Despite the boost of zaniness that Seamus provides everything else about the movie is rather flat: the slow-moving story, the poor acting, and the lack of actual St. Patrick’s Day (it’s never specified when the movie takes place, but the holiday is never mentioned).  It was also rather distractingly filmed in Utah, and it shows. 

Even more distracting is the final message of this Irish-themed film, which is basically “the U.S. is awesome!”  While Kyle ultimately embraces his inner leprechaun, towards the end of the movie he makes several comments about how in America you can be whatever you want by working hard.  He ends up banishing Seamus to the shores of Lake Eerie and the final scene is Kyle standing in front of an American flag and leading a crowd in a group sing of “This Land is Your Land.”  So happy St. Patrick’s Day everybody!  But in the mixed-message spirit of The Luck of the Irish, don't have too happy of a holiday because the U.S. is ultimately best.  Happy Fourth of July, everybody!

STILL PARADING

Still Standing
Season 2 (2004)

Still Standing is one of my guilty pleasures sitcoms.  Normally I’m an unabashed supporter of the sitcom format, but even I admit that there are a lot of stupid (sometimes frustratingly long-lived) shows out there.  Still Standing is as cookie-cutter as they come: schlubby dad with an attractive wife, bitchy redheaded teenage daughter (the redheaded daughters are always bitchy in sitcoms-- see Cybill, Reba, 8 Simple Rules, etc), single sister-in-law, blah blah blah.  It’s one of many King of Queens clones that appeared in the early 2000s and yet I’ve always rather (guiltily) enjoyed it.  

Maybe I’m just a sucker for Jamie Gertz, who plays wife/mother Judy, or for Sally Struthers’ frequent and funny guest shots as the mother-in-law.  There’s also a Christmas episode that I adore and watch every year.  Certainly it’s not the schlubby husband or predictable plots that give the show it’s mysterious appeal.  Whatever the reason, it just works for me, much like Yes, Dear, another so-so sitcom that I also find highly watchable.

This was my first time watching the show’s St. Patrick’s Day episode and it was something of a roller coaster ride.  It started out with a lot of unimaginative and slightly offensive gay jokes, as Brian, the nerdy son, is building a St. Patrick’s Day parade float in the backyard.  Dad Bill is frustrated by his son’s geeky hobbies and friends and so he sends his own friend’s jock son Scotty to help and hopefully befriend Brian.  When Bill later demands why Brian and Scotty didn’t get along Brian reveals that Scotty asked him out on a “guy on guy gay date.”

Bill plays unwitting matchmaker

Here’s where the show luckily took a turn from clichéd gay jokes to something more interesting (though the jock who turns out to be gay is a cliché unto itself).  But just as things are looking up we’re subjected to a long and somewhat gross scene of Scotty’s dad unknowingly rattling off baseball-as-gay-sex references until Bill and Judy accidentally reveal that Scotty’s gay.  

The show then takes yet another turn, as the dad knows that Scotty is gay and is totally fine with it, prompting Bill to realize that his strained relationship with his son is his fault and not due to his geeky pastimes.  This episode can’t seem to decide if it wants to rely on gay panic humor or send a positive message about acceptance so it just keeps vacillating between the two.

If you’re thinking this episode sounds better suited for Pride than St. Patrick’s Day, so did I while I was watching it.  However the last five minutes or so practically explode into holiday goodness, with Bill, dressed as a leprechaun, showing up to support his son and ride together on the float.  There’s also a running subplot about Judy being a terrible Irish dancer and her daughter being embarrassed to be seen with her during the parade (eventually Judy discovers that if she’s drunk her dancing improves).

I can’t really make up my mind about this episode.  Certainly the St. Patrick’s Day stuff is fun, but I can’t decide if the gay storyline is slightly offensive or surprisingly progressive (for a sitcom, anyway).  I do, however, fully approve of the term “guy on guy gay date.”  

St. Patrick’s Day Quotient: You have to wade through a lot of double entendres to get there, but things get very festive at towards the end of the episode, earning it a 4!

See It, Skip It, Own It?
This episode is an eclectic mix of tired gay jokes, pro-gay plot twists and St. Patrick’s Day parade floats.  Worth a watch just to witness the weirdness.

THE LEPRECHAUN

Bewitched
Season 2 (1966)

Nick and I are both big Bewitched fans, though we each prefer a different Darren.  Which Darren you like says a lot about your psychology: I’m all for the original, Dick York, and Nick prefers Dick Sargent (which I find weird).  Differences in Darren aside, we’ve been enjoying watching the complete series on DVD, which Nick received for Christmas.  In honor of St. Patrick’s Day we jumped ahead a bit to Season 2’s “The Leprechaun.”

The episode begins in typical Bewitched fashion: Darren (still Dick York, since this is only Season 2) arrives home from work and Samantha reveals that they have a supernatural visitor, in this case a leprechaun.  Just as Darren begins to complain about yet another of Samantha’s weird relatives she rather gleefully reveals that the leprechaun is in fact from Darren’s side of the family.  It’s a nice twist that pokes fun at the show’s predictable (yet undeniably delightful) plots.  

Brian O’Brien, the eponymous leprechaun, is a distant relative of Darren’s who has come from Ireland in search of his last remaining pot of gold.  Apparently leprechauns derive their magic from their gold, and Brian’s emergency stash was hidden in a fireplace that was transported to a neighbor's of the Stevens.  The neighbor—surprise!—also happens to be a wealthy businessman that Darren hopes to sign up as a client (aren't they all?).

Extreme Makeover: Shoe Edition

Darren refuses to help Brian, who slowly drinks his way through the Stevens’ entire liquor cabinet and adds giant buckles to Darren’s dress shoes.  After Brian makes a failed attempt at stealing back the gold and ends up in jail, Samantha agrees to help him. She uses her magic to sneak them into the neighbor’s house (memorably turning giant guard dogs into Chihuahuas).  Just as all seems well the neighbor/businessman appears with both the pot of gold and a loaded gun.

The man with the golden...pot.

After threatening to shoot, he quickly changes his mind upon learning that Brian is a leprechaun, as he himself is an Irishman.  He happily hands over the gold… and then grabs Brian and demands he grant him a wish.  Seriously, this guy goes through more mood swings in one scene than… I dunno, a mood ring or something else with a lot of moods.  He goes from gun-toting thug to cheerful Irish laddie to creepy kidnapper and then back to nice guy again.  For it turns out his wish is simply that Brian serve as mascot for his Irish lace company—but he’ll be paid and get full benefits (so why did he need to capture him instead of just offering him the job in the first place?!).

Brian O’Brien is quite delightful, as leprechauns go; he’s played by character actor Henry Jones, who appeared on a whole lot of TV shows over the course of several decades (there's an Ethel Award just waiting for him).  There are a lot of nice Irish touches in this episode as well, including even an Irish cop and the aforementioned reference to Irish lace.  What’s missing are my two favorite things about Bewitched: Endora and Mrs. Kravitz.  In my perfect world, there’s a Bewitched spin-off where Endora and Mrs. Kravitz are reluctant roommates and have wacky adventures together.  If I ever capture a leprechaun of my own, that will be my wish…

St. Patrick’s Day Quotient: Lots of Irish cheer to be found here, earning the episode a 3.

See It, Skip It, Own It?
It’s not one of Bewitched’s best, but it will do for some satisfying St. Patrick’s Day viewing.  Go ahead and take a gander.

BLAME IT ON NEW ORLEANS

Designing Women
Season 5 (1991)

Travel-themed episodes of Designing Women were always among the show’s best (we’ll be getting to some more of them once when we hit “Summer Vacation” month on the blog), and this New Orleans-set episode is no exception.  True, it’s not technically set during Mardi Gras, but it might as well be considering the debauchery that the women of Sugarbakers Design Firm engage in while in the Big Easy.

The gang heads to New Orleans for a design conference, but the four women are all forced to room together after realizing that they never booked Anthony his own room. Julia is all business, Mary Jo contemplates having a fling with a business associate, and Suzanne and Charlene are just running around doing every New Orleans-related activity they can think of.  I always liked the various pairings that the show presented, with Suzanne and Charlene’s friendship a particular highlight.  And drunken Suzanne and Charlene is that much better!

Seriously, there is so much New Orleans going on this episode (though most of it is talked about rather than seen).  Make a scorecard and check things off as you watch: beignets, Hurricanes (the cocktail), a jazz band funeral, a voodoo shop that doesn’t open until midnight, and a female impersonator named Lolita LuPage.   Watching this episode will expand your New Orleans IQ:  when Charlene and Suzanne drunkenly burst into the hotel room late one night Charlene brings “takeout étouffée” with her; a little googling revealed that it’s a type of seafood gumbo.  Who says sitcoms never teach you anything?

Betrayal: pairs well with coffee.

Mary Jo takes the plunge, sowing her “one wild oat,” and sleeps with the rather dweeby-looking guy.  All seems well until the next morning when he casually tells her not to answer his phone in case it’s his wife. A shell-shocked Mary Jo makes her way to the group’s presentation, where the microphone is malfunctioning and Charlene is totally hungover.  After Julia vainly attempts to deliver a speech to a room of carousing podiatrists (who stumbled in from the wrong convention), Mary Jo blurts out her secret—just as Charlene manages to get the microphone working again.

The episode ends with an appearance by Miss Lolita LuPage herself.  Charlene brings her to confront Suzanne, who suspects that Lolita is pulling a Victor/Victoria and is actually a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman.  After both Lolita and Suzanne tear off their wigs Suzanne drags her to the bathroom to end the debate once and for all, only to come running out moments later yelling at someone to call the police—there’s a man in the ladies’ restroom.

A good ole fashioned wig-off

There are no elaborate floats or costumes or cheap bead necklaces but I defy you to find another episode that is more New Orleansy than this!

Mardi Gras Quotient: As I wrote above, this isn’t technically a Mardi Gras episode, but it’s positively dripping in New Orleans ambience, so I’ll average it out to a 3.

See It, Skip It, Own It?
All of Designing Women is worth owning and watching—again and again and again.