THE 10 GREATEST QUEER TV CHARACTERS

I have to admit, I am not the biggest fan of Gay Pride Month.  I like the idea of Gay Pride Month, as an effort to broaden representation of the gay community in the ongoing fight against homophobia.  What bothers me is the gap between what Pride is meant to represent and what it actually is, namely an excuse to drink and hold oftentimes over-sexualized parades and events.  In a lot of ways rather than represent the struggle for gay rights Gay Pride Month ends up showcasing a lot of the things that frustrate me about (primarily male) gay culture: the immature partying and the emphasis on sex and appearance.  

But, as I said, I’m not a total curmudgeon; I think Pride serves its purpose and that purpose is ultimately noble.  And a celebration doesn’t have to come in the form of techno music and booze.  A celebration of gay pride can be as simple as a list of the greatest queer TV characters, which I’ve assembled just for the occasion.

As with all of my lists I’m sure some of my choices, or even more so my omissions, will prove controversial.  Just because a character is well very known doesn’t mean they make the cut.  I make my decisions based on my own wildly subjective criteria—and I often prefer lesser known characters and shows exactly because they don’t get as much credit or attention.  So go ahead and start writing your indignant comments  of “Glee!” and “Modern Family!” now.

Okay, here goes!

10. Nancy Bartlett Thomas

Show: Roseanne

Sandra Bernhard is a comedy goddess and a gay icon, but a lot of people may forget that she played the character of Nancy throughout Roseanne’s long run.  Nancy was always flighty and self-involved, but she wasn’t always a lesbian-- she was married for a while to the obnoxious Arnie.  Luckily Arnie was abducted by aliens (really!) and Nancy came out, eventually even dating another character played by Morgan Fairchild.  Nancy was always true to herself and always fun to watch.

Episode to Watch: “Ladies’ Choice”

Nancy comes out to Roseanne and Jackie, much to their initial disbelief.

9. Bob & Ray

Show: Seinfeld

Bob and Ray were minor recurring characters on Seinfeld, but extremely memorable ones.  As a couple they terrorized the regular cast members in three different episodes with their “street tough” demeanor—the joke being that they were actually just totally normal guys who intimidated everyone with their confrontational ways.  Whether chasing down Kramer for not wearing an AIDS ribbon or stealing furniture, it was always fun seeing two tough gay guys calling the shots!

Episode to Watch: “The Soup Nazi”

Bob and Ray steal Elaine's armoire from a helpless Kramer.

8. Captain Jack Harkness

Show: Doctor Who & Torchwood

Jack Harkness brought an Erroll Flynnish air of the swashbuckling rogue to Doctor Who (and eventually headlining spin-off show Torchwood).  He made for an admirable companion to the good Doctor and remained just rougish enough as to remain entirely lovable.  His ominisexuality and penchant for flirting with men, women, aliens and robots made sense for a man from the far-flung future, where sexuality is a lot more fluid and acceptance more widespread. The heroic Jack defies boundaries and stereotypes, and provided us with a much-needed queer science fiction icon.

Episode to Watch: “Captain Jack Harkness”

Jack travels back in time to the 40s to meet the man who’s identity he stole—but romantic complications and heartbreak are in store for both of them.

7. Leon Carp

Show: Roseanne

Leon served as Roseanne’s boss, nemesis, sparring partner and eventual friend up to the very last episode of the show.  His character evolved but he never lost his edge, always prone to a cutting remark.  His coming out was handled a bit more subtly than some of the show’s other outings, as his character had already been around for a while and he only casually mentioned the fact that he was gay during a poker game with Dan and his friends.  Eventually we met Leon’s partner, saw them get married and plan to adopt a kid.  A smart and always funny character, played brilliantly by Martin Mull.

Episode to Watch: “Why Jackie Becomes a Trucker”

Leon casually comes out during a poker game, taking Dan and the viewing audience by surprise.

6. Jerri Blank

Show: Strangers with Candy

Amy Sedaris can inhabit a character so totally it’s easy to forget that they aren’t one and the same.  Certainly I will forever think of her as Jerri Blank, the monstrously selfish former drug addict and dropout giving high school a second chance at the ripe age of 46.  Jerri was no role model, but the frank portrayal of her bisexuality was refreshing amid the character’s more craven characteristics.  She lusted after men, she lusted after women, she just plain lusted!  

Episode to Watch: “Feather in the Storm”

Jerri develops an eating disorder in order to join the debate team.  It’s way more hilarious than it sounds…

5. Ben Sutherland

Show: The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Ben appeared in just one episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, but it happens to be one of the show’s best.  Introduced as Phyllis’ visiting brother, Phyllis is horrified when instead of falling for Mary (as she intended), Ben and Rhoda hit it off.  At one of Mary’s infamously bad parties Phyllis goes off the deep end, expecting Ben and Rhoda to announce their engagement—only for Rhoda to reveal that Ben is gay.  It’s a truly remarkable moment given the time period, especially in the offhand and funny way that it's handled.  Even better is Phyllis’ relief at the revelation; she doesn’t care if Ben is gay, only that he doesn’t date Rhoda!  And really, what self-respecting gay man doesn’t love Rhoda?

Episode to Watch: “My Brother’s Keeper”

Ben makes his first and regrettably only appearance in this fantastic and funny episode.

4. Willow Rosenberg & Tara Maclay

Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

You may consider it a cheat to count two characters as one, but Willow and Tara work so well as a couple, and their relationship is so iconic.  Willow of course didn’t start out as gay but was always a great character; however her relationship with Tara made her that much better.  Tara was always an underrated character and one of my particular favorites.  Their relationship was ill-fated but while it lasted it was pure magic (couldn’t resist) and was a groundbreakingly earnest depiction of same-sex love and the development of sexual identity.

Episode to Watch: “Once More, With Feeling”

In this musical episode Tara starts out serenading Willow but ends up leaving her after uncovering her magical betrayal.  

3. Ellen Morgan

Show: Ellen

Are you shocked that Ellen isn’t Number One?  We certainly all owe Ellen Degeneres a huge debt for coming out, both in real life, and in character as Ellen Morgan.  I love both the closeted and out versions of the character, who is neurotic, kind to a fault, and prone to babbling.  Plus she owns an independent bookstore, one of the coolest jobs ever.  True, the quality and humor of Ellen the show suffered a bit post-coming out, but Ellen the character always remained entirely lovable.

Episode to Watch: “Lobster Diary”

Ellen rescues a live lobster from a local seafood restaurant, but then must hide the lobster’s death from the media and guest star Mary Tyler Moore!

2. Thomas Barrow

Show: Downton Abbey

Downton Abbey is highbrow, soapy escapism at its finest.  It may be prone to some over-the-top moments but the show’s characters are nuanced and artfully written, none better than Thomas Barrow.  The villainous, grasping Thomas is ambitious to a fault, but when his sexuality was revealed in the very first episode of the show, Thomas’ bad behavior suddenly made a lot more sense.  Living as a closeted man in 1912 can’t have been easy, and Thomas is as much victim as villain—though whatever his role he always looks positively dashing!

Episode to Watch: “Episode One”

Thomas is first introduced, as is his secret affair with a visiting Duke.

1. Rickie Vasquez

Show: My So-Called Life

My entire family watched My So-Called Life together when its first and only season aired.  We all related to different characters back then, whether it was the beleaguered parents, the rebellious Angela, or in my case the ignored younger sister.  I was only ten when the show first aired so it wouldn’t be for many years that I started identifying with gay teen Rickie more than the twerpy tween sister.  But even at the tender age of 10 Rickie made a powerful impression upon me.  He was different and daring from any other character I’d ever seen on TV: slightly effeminate, stylish, sweet and caring but damaged and sad all at the time.  But the most subversive thing was how he hung out with his female friends in the girls bathroom at school, a small act of defiance that seemed wildly daring—and something I would totally have done myself if I had been braver at that age. The character of Rickie, as well as the actor who portrayed him, Wilson Cruz (who like Rickie eventually also came out), would serve as a role model for a lot of people over the years.  He was a fully realized, realistic, gay teen character who embodied both strength and extreme vulnerability.  He was also a person of color and poor, character traits rarely seen in connection with the affluent, white-washed gay characters regularly still seen on TV. 

Episode to Watch: “So-Called Angels”

In one of the most depressing (yet powerful) Christmas episodes you’ll ever watch, Rickie finds himself homeless for the holidays.

To conclude, I present you with a couple of dishonorable mentions in the form of “Come Out of the Closet, Already!” Awards.  These are for three characters whom I really like but frustratingly were never explicitly outed, despite their wildly queer ways. 

Michele Gerard from Gilmore Girls

Michele was super snarky and SUPER gay but weirdly the character was written as straight—and then later sort of asexual.  He would have been that much better if he’d actually been allowed to come out and have a love life, a big missed opportunity.

Squidward Tentacles from SpongeBob Squarepants

Fox News at one point thought SpongeBob might have been gay but c’mon—with his fussy ways and bachelor lifestyle Squidward is totally the bitchy, elder gay octopus I hope to one day become.

Andrew Wells from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Andrew, a villain turned hero, is still “alive” in the pages of the ongoing Buffy comics.  However he STILL isn’t out, despite constant hints and jokes about his sexuality.  Joss Whedon, a big friend to the queer community, has said he thinks Andrew’s cluelessness is funny but I find it wearisome that he isn’t allowed to evolve and find love and full happiness. Hell, even Tom Lenk, the actor who played Andrew, came out years ago!  

THE 20 GREATEST TV DADS, PART 2

Welcome back to Part 2 of my Greatest TV Dads countdown!  We’re up to the Top 10 and it’s an eclectic mix from TV shows old and new.  Here we go!

10. Howard Borden

Show: The Bob Newhart Show

After he played the goofy neighbor on I Dream of Jeannie Bill Daily went on to play the even goofier next door neighbor on The Bob Newhart Show.  While most might remember Howard as a dim-witted navigator, he was also a stellar single dad.  Despite being a little slow, Howard was always genuinely concerned with his son Howie’s welfare, seeking child-rearing advice from his neighbors and dealing with the sometimes painful repercussions of divorce and co-parenting.  He was  a man ahead of his time, and not nearly as dumb as people thought him.

Episode to Watch: “Sorry, Wrong Mother”

Howard’s new girlfriend tries to win his son Howie’s affection, but Howard himself interferes.

9. Jake Morgendorffer

Show: Daria

Jake Morgendorffer was a man of contradictions: ex-hippie, corporate drone, sensitive and yet full of rage.  Quick to anger and quick to cry, Jake often played up his haplessness by simply drifting off to sleep in mid-argument with his wife and daughters.  And while the women definitely ruled the roost, Jake strived hard to provide his daughters with the kind of receptive, affectionate parenting that he was denied by his strict, emotionless father.  Despite his myriad faults Jake was a good guy and a great dad.

Episode to Watch: “Monster”

Jake falls into a funk when he repeatedly watches a home movie of himself as a child falling off a bicycle and not being ignored by his father.

8. Jack Arnold

Show: The Wonder Years

Jack Arnold was the archetypal dad, or maybe it just seems that way to me because he reminds me so much of my own father.  Hard-working and a bit gruff, Jack isn’t super forthcoming with conversation or his emotions.  He made sacrifices for his family and though he sometimes disapproved of their actions, he always welcomed them back into the fold.  He truly loved his wife and provided for his family, a man of his times and a dad we would all be lucky to have.

Episode to Watch: “The House That Jack Built”

Tempers flare when the family visits daughter Karen at her new house and meet her new boyfriend.

7. Dan Conner

Show: Roseanne

Dan is the fun dad, the kind of dad who will wrestle with you, clown around and order pizza for dinner when Roseanne was out of the house.  He slaved away at menial jobs just to make ends meet but he also remained a big kid and the good cop to Roseanne’s more strict bad cop role.  When he need to, though, Dan could become rather fearsome, such as when he was defending his sister-in-law from an abusive boyfriend. What a lovable lug!

Episode to Watch: “Like A New Job”

With Roseanne busy at her new waitressing job, Dan takes over parenting, with mixed results (it involves clothes being thrown onto the front lawn).

6. Burt Hummel

Show: Glee

I almost resent how the character of Burt Hummel was written, because he’s so engineered for maximum likeability.  He’s the salt of the earth type, a blue collar man’s man and yet a big softy underneath.  His gradual acceptance of his teenage son’s coming out remains some of Glee’s most poignant moments.  And for added fatherhood points, actor Mike O'Malley also played another admirable TV dad on Yes, Dear!

Episode to Watch: “Preggers”

Kurt comes out to his dad and joins the football team—all this plus a performance of “Single Ladies.”

5. Luke Danes

Show: Gilmore Girls

Luke Danes is a father three times over: surrogate dad to Rory, uncle to errant nephew Jess, and eventually a biological dad to his own long-lost daughter.  He fulfilled all three roles admirably, encouraging Rory in everything she did and bemoaning her poor eating habits, exercising tough love with Jess and standing by April even when her own mother tried to keep him out of the picture.  Luke is a stand-up guy—and he can cook, making him the complete package.

Episode to Watch: “A Family Matter”

Luke must deal with both his flaky sister Liz and the reappearance of Jess—and admits to stealing Jess’ car.

4. Cliff Huxtable

Show: The Cosby Show

I have to admit that despite growing up watching The Cosby Show I’m not the show’s biggest fan.  However there is no denying that when you think of “TV Dad” Cliff Huxtable immediately springs to mind.  With his wry sense of humor and ability to bond with kids of all ages, Cliff was an accomplished professional (an OBGYN, appropriately enough) but also the ultimate sage at home, dispensing advice in all situations to his many kids.

Episode to Watch: “Father’s Day”

The Cosby kids band together to provide a special Father’s Day for Cliff—six months early.

3. Rupert Giles

Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Giles is the only non-biological dad on my list (unless you count Professor Utonium, but that’s kind of a gray area).  But Giles proves that biology does not an excellent father make, as he mentored and cared for not only Buffy but the entire Scooby Gang.  Wise, stuffy, and always brave in the defense of his “kids,” Giles cemented the sense of surrogate family that was such a strong theme throughout Buffy’s run.

Episode to Watch: “Band Candy”

Giles reverts to his teenage self, showing Buffy and the Scooby Gang a decidedly different version of their mentor.

2. Louie C.K.

Show: Louie

Louie is one of those characters who always seems to say and do exactly the wrong thing, blundering his way from one awkward situation to the next.  But one of his redeeming qualities is his love for his two young daughters.  He often admits truths that other parents would hesitate to voice out loud, but whether he’s letting his daughter dress up as Frederick Douglas for Halloween or trying desperately to repair a broken doll, fatherhood is one area of his life where he’s able to rise above his own foibles and do something right.

Episode to Watch: “Lily Changes”

Louie goes crazy when he discovers that his daughter Lily is missing, leading him on a mad dash to find her.

1. Michael Bluth

Show: Arrested Development

The whole premise of Arrested Development lies in its wildly self-involved characters, a family who is quick to turn on one another for their own self-interests.  In the midst of this familial insanity Michael, however reluctantly, was the rock that his entire family relied on, including his own father.  Above all Michael strived to be a good dad to his son George Michael, instilling in him the same “family first” values that he practiced.  Once could argue that the most recent season of Arrested Development messed somewhat with Michael’s character (the season does end with George Michael punching his dad in the face, after all) but in my estimation Michael will always be the ultimate dad.

Episode to Watch: “Pilot”

Michael decides to finally turn his back on his family after one betrayal too many, but he finds himself invariably drawn back to the fold.

That’s all folks!  Don’t forget to show your dad (or Watcher or surrogate dad or dad-like loved one) some love this Father’s Day!

THE 25 GREATEST TV MOMS, Part 1

In addition to my usual episode spotlights, in honor of Mother’s Day I created a list of my 25 Greatest TV Moms.  I am an obsessive, consummate list maker.  I am always making lists and have lists at the ready: my 100 Favorite Movies, 500 Favorite Songs (subdivided into Upbeat and Mellow categories), 100 Greatest Villains of All Time, and the list of lists goes on.  This 25 Greatest TV Moms list is a new creation and rather than do my usual alphabetization I actually ranked the characters (a painstaking process, I assure you).

Before you delve in, a disclaimer: this is NOT a list of the most motherly mothers, or best mothers, but rather my favorite TV mom characters.  Hence some of the moms in this list are actually rather monstrous (which is oftentimes their appeal).  A couple aren’t even technically mothers!  Also, there are some amazing TV characters who also happen to be moms that didn't make this list.  I love Lucy and Samantha Stevens too, but motherhood wasn't necessarily their most winning aspect-- but never fear, Lucy makes my Best TV Characters of All Time List and someone else from Bewitched may just make an appearance somewhere on this list...  That said, I strongly encourage debate, suggestions, and indignant outrage in the form of comments, so let your opinions fly.  And now, on to the list!

25. Cherry Cherry
Show: Popular

Delta Burke is best known for playing larger-than-life Suzanne Sugarbaker on Designing Women, but if Suzanne was even wealthier, crazier, Texan, and had a daughter she’d be the even more outrageous Cherry Cherry.  Mother to the show’s best and most bizarre character, Mary Cherry, the aptly named Cherry made several appearances, whether she was insulting her daughter, marrying Erik Estrada, or temporarily teaching home-ec/transgender tolerance.

Episode to Watch: “Queen B.”  
Cherry Cherry makes her first appearance, coaching her daughter when she’s nominated for Prom Queen.

24. Norma Arnold
Show: The Wonder Years

Norma was the ultimate 60s stay-at-home wife and mother: caring, perky and just a little bit restless.  She eventually went back to college and got a career in addition to being the kind of sweet and sensitive mom every kid wants.  Bonus points for actress Alley Mills, who also portrayed lesbian mom Robin John on the aforementioned Popular!

Episode to Watch: “The Ties That Bind”  
When Jack is forced to be away for the holiday, Norma channels her feelings into making a lavish Thanksgiving dinner.

23. Edna Payne
Show: Martin

All of the best characters on Martin were the ones that Martin Lawrence played himself, including his own mother, Edna Payne.  She was frumpy, lumpy, gray-haired and yet still sported Lawrence’s mustache.  Mama Payne doted on her little boy but didn’t hide her dislike of his girlfriend Gina, offering up insults in her trademark high-pitched squeal.

Episode to Watch: “Feast or Famine”  
Mama Payne shows up at Gina’s door to help her prepare Thanksgiving dinner (and sings the “Pass the Peas” song!).

22. Martha Generic
Show: Bobby’s World

Bobby’s mom deserves a spot on this list for her unforgettable Midwestern accent alone!  She also had major mom style, sporting a blue jogging suit and bright orange-red hair.  In the course of the series she gave birth to twins in addition to playing mom to Bobby, Derek and Kelly and was clearly the glue that held the Generic (“it’s pronounced JEN-a-rick”) family together.

Episode to Watch: “I Want My Mommy”  
The Generics surprise Martha with a trip to an amusement park for Mother’s Day.

21. Sara Blank
Show: Strangers with Candy

Sarah Blank, played by the brilliant Deborah Rush, is the definitive wicked stepmother.  Racist, drunken Sara dotes on her biological son Derrick and does everything in her power to insult and drive away her adult stepdaughter Jerri. Also: she has a special relationship with Stew, the family’s meat delivery man.

Episode to Watch: “Dreams on the Rocks”  
Stepmom Sara develops a drinking problem just in time for Jerri’s stage debut.

20. Agnes Skinner
Show: The Simpsons

Originally I had Marge Simpson on this list but upon reflection I decided that Agnes, elderly mother to Principal Skinner, outmothers Marge.  Overbearing and controlling Agnes is a harridan with a memorably cantankerous voice.  She collects pictures of cakes—but she doesn’t eat them.  They’re too sweet for her taste.

Episode to Watch: “Last Exit to Springfield”  
Agnes only makes a cameo in this episode, but utters one of my all time favorite lines: “Seymour needs the toilet.  His bladder’s full.  Full of urine!”

19. Regina Newly
Show: Samantha Who?

Jean Smart brings life to every role she plays but her true standout is Regina Newly, from the short-lived and criminally overlooked Samantha Who?  When amnesiac daughter Samantha is first reintroduced to her mom Regina, she seems like a doting parent.  But slowly Regina’s pettiness and pecadillos are revealed and the true nature of their strained relationship emerges.  Jean Smart also gave voice to another great, non-traditional mom, the animated Pickles Oblong in The Oblongs.

Episode to Watch: “Pilot”  
Upon awakening from a coma and suffering amnesia, Samantha quickly learns not to trust her mother’s twisted version of their past.

18. Nanny 
Show: Muppet Babies

Okay, Nanny is not the biological mother of any of the Muppet Babies.  But her face is never seen, so above the shoulders she could look like Gonzo for all we know.  As kids, my sister and I debated a lot over what Nanny really looked like and what exactly was her relationship to the Muppet Babies.  Were they all orphans and she their adoptive mother, or was she just hired help?  Regardless, Nanny was the loving, slightly mysterious authority figure every baby needs.  And she was voiced by Barbara Billingsley, June Cleaver herself!

Episode to Watch: “My Muppet Valentine”  
Rolf is dismayed when it appears that Nanny made all of the Muppet Babies personalized cookies for Valentine’s Day cookie—except for him.

17. Clair Huxtable
Show: The Cosby Show

Clair Huxtable was a full-time mom to a big brood of kids of all ages—but she was also a successful lawyer and extremely stylish.  In the 80s Claire proved women could have it all and set the bar impossibly high.  Her more no-nonsense approach to parenting paired well with hubby Cliff’s goofier demeanor, but you never doubted the love between them.  A true class act. 

Episode to Watch: “Clair’s Liberation”  
Claire messes with her family after discovering that they are wary of her going through menopause.

16. Joyce Summers
Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

In a show teeming with vampires and demons, suburban mom Joyce would be easy to overlook.  But she kept daughter Buffy rooted to the real world and while she started out oblivious, eventually she clued in and joined the good fight, most memorably wielding a fire axe and uttering the line “No one lays a hand on my little girl.”  Joyce even has her own action figure, but the character was only truly appreciated once she was gone—Joyce’s death marked the show’s descent into real world darkness and the Buffyverse has always been a slightly sadder place without her.

Episode to Watch: “School Hard”  
Joyce comes to Buffy’s rescue with ax in hand during the worst parent-teacher night ever.

That wraps it up for now, but stayed tuned to see if your favorites will show up in the next installment of the 25 Greatest TV Moms!