SUMMER LOVE

Hey Arnold!

Season 4 (2000)

This special, extra-long episode of Hey Arnold! starts with some catchy surf music and the classic “bell ringing as students burst out the school doors on the last day of school” opening.  Arnold heads to the beach with his grandparents and their tenants/surrogate family only to discover his stalker Helga is sharing the other half of their beach house duplex.  The central story concerns a love triangle between Arnold, Helga and new girl Summer (her name is what the episode is!  Get it?!) but there are also about a hundred subplots that I’ll get to below.

But first for the A story-- the alluring Summer (the girl, not the season) approaches Arnold on the beach, complimenting his sand castle (FORESHADOWING!).  Summer and Arnold begin to while away the days together, but Helga soon discovers that Summer is only interested in having Arnold build her a winning sand castle for a local contest so she can win a role on “Babe Watch”, after which she will promptly dump him for her real boyfriend, aptly named Sandy.  Boy, the writers really threw in the towel when it came to naming characters for this episode.

Helga does her best to convince Arnold of Summer’s wicked ways, but due to her history of horribleness Arnold doesn’t believe her.  Eventually the truth is revealed and Arnold and Helga team up to build the winning sandcastle together and then film a slightly creepy CPR-kiss scene on the aforementioned “Babe Watch.”

Overall it’s a cute storyline but it’s somewhat overshadowed by the gazillion B stories going on simultaneously.  The best part of the episode is Summer, who makes for a very attractive summer romance-- and I write that as a human adult gay man (as opposed to a cartoon pre-teen straight boy).  She’s every pre-teen boy’s fantasy: tan, blonde and belly-shirted.  I don’t blame Arnold for falling for her and I’m surprised Helga doesn’t either (I so get future lesbian vibes from Helga).

The many subplots are a bit more fun, if not overwhelming.  Grandpa gets stranded on an island and is rescued by two Rastafarians.  Grandma surfs, discovers a nude beach and then surfs nude.  Oscar combs the beach with a metal detector, eventually stealing people’s belongings.  Ernie gets buried in the sand (and then sat on) while Mr. Hyunh searches for him.  Big Bob, Helga’s dad, is sunburned and forced to stay inside while his wife is wooed by a Latin dance teacher.  Whew!  They really cram a lot in.

Hey Arnold! always did a good job of mixing the kid and adult characters, but in this episode the adults are far more interesting.  Helga’s drunken mom, who clutches a blender to her chest for most of the episode and later drinks some sort of red concoction directly out of it, steals the show for me.  I also really like the glimpses we’re given of the beach town, which looks so cozy and picturesque I’m ready to move there.

Summer Quotient: 4

Further Reading: I recently learned that several novelizations were made of certain Hey Arnold! episodes, including this one.  I haven't added it to my holiday TV tie-in book collection as of yet, but used copies are out there if you're interested!

See It, Skip It, Own It?

This is perfect TV viewing for that wistful, end of summer, youth-is-fleeting, nostalgia vibe (especially for those of us raised on the Golden Age of Nickelodeon).  See it!

FILM FOCUS: SUMMER RENTAL

Summer Rental is part of the “nice guy-loser takes disastrous family vacation” oevure of the 80s and early 90s.  It never reaches the greatness of National Lampoon’s Vacation or even The Great Outdoors (also starring John Candy) but it has its moments.  It’s most enjoyable as a sort of 80s time capsule and just as goofy summer escapism.  I first saw it on cable as a kid (oh, the hours spent watching USA network on Saturday afternoons!  Totally worth it!) and at the time I found it scandalously sexy, mostly for a scene featuring a household of tanned, 80s lifeguard hunks and their jockstraps hanging on a clothesline.  Save for the mere suggestion of boobs that’s as sexy as it gets though-- it’s truly a family film.

In the film John Candy plays a stressed-out air traffic controller forced to go on vacation.  He rents out a beach house in fictional “Citrus Cove” Florida for his wife, teenage daughter, young son (played by Joey Lawrence, thereby satisfying the federal law that required a Lawrence brother in every movie and television show during this time period), adorable youngest daughter, and their hateful dog.  Things immediately go wrong (of course): the deluxe house they first settle in to turns out to be the wrong one so they end up in a decrepit rental next to a crowded public beach.  A rich guy steals their table and the last lobsters at a fancy seafood restaurant.  John (I’m just going to refer to him as John; his character’s name is meaningless) rams the same rich guy’s yacht and ends up in a cast.  Rich guy vows revenge against the horrible seasonal renters.  It’s 80s class warfare at its finest!

All of this ends in a big regatta race where John Candy must beat Evil Rich Man, who has become the owner of the summer rental just so he can kick him out of it.  If John wins the race his family gets to stay rent-free for two more weeks.  John ends up commandeering a dry-docked boat at Barnacle, the crappy seafood restaurant they dined at earlier in the film, which leads Evil Rich Guy to utter one of the movie’s best jokes, about it being the “S.S. Moveable Feast.”  The movie ends with Candy and his family and a crew of misfit pirate/seafood restaurant workers rallying together and winning the race.  And by end I mean it ENDS, abruptly.  It’s like they cross the finish line and the end credits start rolling.

The plot is obviously nothing special but the fun lies in some of the movie’s weirder moments.  Example: the family’s neighbors are a woman who flashes her fake boobs at every man who will look and her husband, a big bruiser of a guy, who is totally okay with it.  John Laroquette shows up as a sexy single dad who you presume will prove a flirtatious threat to John Candy’s marriage.  Laroquette rescues the wife character at the movies when she forgets her money and then takes the family out on his boat.  The kids even make a point of saying he’s divorced… and then he literally never speaks again.  He’s seen just one more time, in the stands (silently) cheering on the Candy family in the race.  I’m guessing there are some cut scenes but his random entrance and then total disappearance is an intriguing mystery.  His son makes an equally silent love interest for the teen daughter.  They exchange dialogue in the movie theatre scene and she mentions him later but he also never speaks and is barely seen again.

The most terrifying moment of the entire film is during the climatic yacht race.  The adorable little girl at one point looks up and asks a question in THE DEVIL’S VOICE.  It’s literally the worst dubbing I’ve ever heard.  Not only is it not the actress's voice, it’s not even a child’s voice.  I don’t even think it’s a HUMAN’s voice.  Luckily someone has preserved this moment for us on YouTube: 

The second half of the movie is consumed by the boring yachting stuff but the first half is more fun, focusing on beachy 80s summer goodness.  There’s a lot of male flesh, including the aforementioned lifeguards and their conspicuous jockstraps on the clothesline.  The teen daughter wears these awesome headphones that are literally just two radios on each ear and at one point says she’s listening to Wham!  When the family is in the movie theatre lobby you see amazing, painted posters for Footloose and some other films that remind you how incredible 80s movie posters were.

See It, Skip It, Own It?

I would say watch the first 40 minutes and then you can just leave it playing in the background while you fold laundry or something.  Unless you’re really into yachting.

HOLIDAY

Kath & Kim

Series 4 (2007)

For those readers who may be unfamiliar with Kath & Kim, think of it as an Australian Absolutely Fabulous (and if you don’t know Ab Fab, I can’t even deal with you right now).  And if anyone remembers the short-lived, ill-fated American remake of Kath & Kim starring Molly Shannon, promptly scrub it from your brain as I have.  Both Ab Fab and Kath & Kim are female-driven sitcoms that mix goofy, broad humor with incisive cultural commentary, but where Ab Fab poked fun at British celeb culture, Kath & Kim was firmly rooted in the suburban middle class.   Maybe that’s why I love this show so much-- I may play the role of the unrepentant urbanite but my heart will forever lie in the housing tracts, malls and front lawns of my suburban childhood.

“Holiday” kicks of Series 4 of the show, which finds Kim, her husband Brett and their infant daughter living back home with her mom Kath and step-dad Kel.  Living conditions are cramped so Brett plans a getaway for himself and Kim to a resort in Coolum, on Australia’s Sunshine Coast (proving that Australia has the best place names of any continent).  However Kath, oblivious to Brett’s desire to escape his in-laws, invites herself and Kel (and their sad-sack friend Sharon) along as well.

The episode was filmed at the Coolum Hyatt Resort, which has a tropical vibe and a constant cacophony of birds screeching in the background of every scene (which Kath describes as “the sound of Australia”).  All resorts, however beautiful, have a sort of sameness to them and so the Coolum Hyatt seems very familiar, with its rows of white plastic lounge chairs, polo-shirted staff and stream of golf carts.  Everyone save Brett enjoys their activity-laden schedule, in-between bouts of meticulously-timed lounges by the pool.

Eventually Brett blows his top and tells off Kath, and, in one of the episode’s funniest moments, is warded off by Kel and a bottle of spray-on sunscreen.  Kath storms off and Kel fears she’s lost in the rainforest.  Kel and Brett put aside their differences to search for Kath, who it turns out has simply been shopping all day in the resort gift shop.  Again my kinship with this show and characters shows, as I adore gift shops of any kind, and like Kath could spend a lot of time and money on brooches in the shape of “a sexy pig in a blanket” and a “dinosaur in a tutu.”  The best part of any vacation for me as a kid was the souvenirs-- I have distinct memories of keeping a sparkly, blue-haired troll doll in our hotel room safe in Hawaii.

Despite Sharon getting a bad sunburn (and her burnt skin getting sickeningly peeled off by Kim) the family ultimately enjoys their vacation.  And Kath has one last “prezzie” for Brett from the resort gift shop: a wooden sign that says “No Mother-In-Laws Allowed.”

Vacation Activities: Rafting, Lounging by the Pool, Coconut-Throwing, Shopping

Vacation Quotient: 4

See It, Skip It, Own It?

This episode and the series as a whole is good escapist fun, so slather on the sunscreen and click over to YouTube, where you can watch it now: