DIAMONDS

Everybody Loves Raymond
Season 1 (1997)

A lot of sitcoms get goofier in their later seasons, but as this Season 1 episode of Everybody Loves Raymond demonstrates, this show didn’t hit its stride until it scaled back the goofy in favor of showing the humor of smaller, more realistic incidents.  “Diamonds” begins with Robert announcing his arrest of a family friend, from whom both Ray and patriarch Frank bought their spouses' wedding rings.  Robert reveals all of the fake jewelry they discovered, causing Ray to freak out and realize that the diamond in Debra’s engagement ring has always been glass (“Not glass—glassite” says Robert, one of the episode’s better lines). 

Ray’s attempts to steal the ring from Deborah so he can replace it with a real diamond for Valentine’s Day go predictably awry.  We get a long sequence of Ray trying to extract the ring from Debra’s finger while she sleeps. It goes on way too long and shows that Ray Romano’s strengths as a comedian do not lie in slapstick (I’m not really sure what his strengths are—looking exasperated?  Portraying sloth?).  Debra awakens to find him with a flashlight and some butter and they engage in some weird sex role play game (thankfully off camera). 

Awards for Cutest Couple, Best Wrapped Gifts & Most 90s Outfit (for Amy)

Ray eventually steals the ring while Debra’s in the shower, causing her to go on a frantic search on Valentine’s Day.  Meanwhile new couple Amy and Robert exchange presents.  Side Note: I never realized that the character of Amy, one of my favorites on the show and Robert’s eventual wife, dated all the way back to the first season.  She gives him a tie and he gives her an iguana (again with the goofy; things got better, trust me).  Ray arrives with flowers and the redone ring, only for Debra to reveal that years ago she substituted her grandmother’s $15,000 diamond for the fake one.

Roses induce semi-creepy smiles and tears

It’s a nice twist and Patricia Heaton (as Debra) plays her role with aplomb, going from teary to angry in a split second. The ending is rather weird: the couple’s daughter shows them a paper valentine a classmate made for her, with chewed gum stuck in the middle.  This somehow reminds them that love isn’t materialistic or something—I don’t really get it, especially since during the credits we see them digging in a dumpster looking for the discarded diamond, suggesting that at the end of the day $15,000 trumps construction paper sentiment.

Recurring Themes: Robert engages in a Perfect Gift Search, a trope so tropey that it's been carried over from the Christmas season!

Valentine’s Day Quotient: Thanks to the scenes of Valentine-making and gift exchanging, this earns a 3.

See It, Skip It, Own It?
Worth a watch if you have the time but there are better both Valentine’s Day and Everybody Loves Raymond episodes out there.