Full House
Season 3 (1989)
Full House is in the midst of a comeback, similar to the Boy Meets World renaissance that's currently
occurring. I’ve written about my
ambivalent feelings for both of these saccharine shows before, but with a
recent behind-the-scenes Lifetime TV movie and the new Netflix original series Fuller House, clearly Full House’s fans remain plentiful, just
as they were back when the show was first airing. There aren’t a ton of back-to-school themed sitcom episodes
out there, so despite my non-enjoyment-bordering-on-dislike for the show I decided to give this episode a try.
We begin with D.J.’s first day of seventh grade, and Stephanie’s first
day of second grade. Now that
she’s in junior high, D.J. will be at a different school than her sister, much
to Stephanie’s dismay and D.J.’s delight.
D.J. and her best friend Kimmy are ready to dive in to their new mature
existence as junior high schoolers, but things go predictably wrong for
them. The upperclassmen look and
act intimidating and call them “shrubs.”
Their former classmate grew boobs over the summer. Kimmy and D.J. are on
different schedules, so, in the episode’s saddest moment, D.J. is forced to eat
lunch alone in a phone booth, pretending to talk to someone while really just
calling for the time. The coup de
grâce is
that D.J. is wearing the exact same "tan slacks and vest with white tennis shoes" ensemble as a dorky teacher.
I could relate to most of these scenarios. My junior high and elementary schools were one and the same,
so I didn’t have that culture shock feeling of starting somewhere new until high school. However I did once wear almost the same
necklace as my high school yearbook advisor (yes, I wore a lot of necklaces
back in the day). And there was a
kid in my freshman class who seriously looked about 25 years old, while I
looked about 12, just like a kid with a mustache who D.J.
marvels at in this episode. But I never did eat
lunch in a phone booth.
Traumatized by their first day of school, D.J. and Kimmy try to make up for their mistakes the next morning by slathering on makeup and dressing like 1980s hookers. Of course D.J. is stopped on her way out
the door by her dad and two dopey surrogate dads. We are then subjected to one of the many scenes that make
Full House so irritating: a heart-to-heart between Danny and his daughter where
he babbles on and on against a backdrop of sappy music until D.J. sees the
error of her ways.
Naturally there’s a happy ending, as D.J. and Kimmy embrace their
inner selves, which I guess involves dressing like neon highlighters. Kimmy gets her schedule changed so they
can eat lunch together, and D.J. kinda sorta tells off the older mean girls
(who call her a shrub anyway).
Obviously the plot is mind-numbingly predictable and every time I watch this show Bob Saget and the bad child acting sends me into a near-rage. Seriously, you can see the struggle
behind the eyes of the various kids as they try to remember their lines. The Olson Twins, in their shared role
of Michelle, luckily have only a very small part in this episode, as Michelle
is still in pre-school and therefore exempt from the back-to-school drama. But Michelle’s few lines, meant to be
oh-so-cute, are teeth grindingly painful.
She talks like a hipster caveman:
“Me cool!” I won’t even go
into the subplot about Jesse learning to golf (with a requisite gay panic joke
thrown in for good measure).
The nostalgia factor is high, however, if like me you’re a child of the
late 80s and/or early 90s. I had
more fun analyzing the décor and toys in D.J.’s bedroom than I did listening to
Danny prattle on and on. For example, there were posters of Janet Jackson, George Michael and Mel Gibson on the walls and at one point, as seen in the photo above, D.J. clutches a Pillow Person called "Window Rattler":
I also liked the
teacher, Ms. Agbabian. The very recognizable
character actress who plays her (with the delightful name of Lucy Lee Flippin)
does a lot with her few lines and facial expressions. Too bad she apparently never showed up again on the
show. I wouldn’t mind a Ms.
Agbabian spin-off, where she adopts Kimmy and they go on wacky road trip
adventures together.
Back to School Quotient: 3. The scenes actually set at school are pretty light, but enough to evoke that nervous first day back pit of your stomach feeling. And a lunch in a brown paper sack makes an appearance.
Own It, See It,
Skip It?: I find the majority of Fulll House skippable, save for a select
few Christmas episodes. This
episode is no exception.
