TROPE TRACKER: RAG DOLL, TINA TURNER & CLEOPATRA COSTUMES

One of the things I love about obsessively watching and re-watching holiday-themed TV episodes is that patterns start to emerge. Rather than fault it as a lack of creativity on the part of sitcom writers, I find these tropes oddly reassuring, as if all sitcoms take place in a shared universe and are linked by their similarities. Obviously most Halloween-themed episodes feature characters in costume. Sometimes the episode is merely a showcase for elaborate or clever costumes and sometimes the costumes are a mere afterthought to the storyline. Witches, pirates and vampires abound, but over the years I’ve noticed a few costumes that tend to crop up over and over again.

The first of these, which I've written a bit before in previous posts, is the Rag Doll Costume. We all know Raggedy Ann and Andy, whether from the original dolls or their various animated TV incarnations. They even have their own Halloween special, The Pumpkin Who Wouldn’t Smile. But despite her place in pop culture, Raggedy Ann can hardly be called part of the zeitgeist. She belongs to an earlier generation and yet she makes for a surprisingly popular costume choice in TV sitcoms (whether the costume is meant to be Raggedy Ann specifically or just a generic rag doll is open to debate).

The character of Ann Perkins wears a Rag Doll Costume in the first Halloween-themed Parks and Recreation episode. Ann is hosting a rather lame Halloween party and her choice of costume is obviously intended to echo the dorkiness of the event (plus the whole Ann Perkins = Raggedy Ann thing). Usually the Rag Doll Costume is used in this way, as an example of a lame or embarrassing costume choice.

The grandmother dresses as a rag doll in an episode of Family Matters, but she is the rare exception where the costume doesn’t have a negative connotation. For that we can turn to episodes of both Home Improvement and The Big Bang Theory. In both of these shows the Rag Doll Costume is part of a couple’s costume gone wrong. In Home Improvement Brad’s girlfriend convinces him to dress as Raggedy Andy to her Raggedy Ann, only to show up at the party in a totally different outfit, leaving him trapped in the lame ensemble.

 In a Halloween episode of The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon and his girlfriend argue over their choice of couple costume, resulting in a weird compromise of a Raggedy Andy-C3P0 hybrid:

Another costume that pops up a lot, but specifically on sitcoms with predominantly African-American casts, is that of Tina Turner. The African-American sitcom saw its zenith in the 1990s, which helps explain why Tina Turner was a popular choice (as opposed to now, when her place in pop culture has faded a bit). The Tina Turner costume also gives its wearer the opportunity to do their best Tina Turner impression, which makes for some memorable moments.

Those characters who don the Tina Turner attire include Claire Huxtable on The Cosby Show (and yes, I feel icky even mentioning The Cosby Show these days):

(Side Note: when researching images for this post the first one to pop up was actually from my own blog, which tickled me to no end.)

The character of Gina (center in the photo below) on the show Martin is played by actress Tisha Campbell, who is also an accomplished singer. She makes for an especially good Tina Turner impersonator, seen below in the center:

And finally we’re back to Family Matters once again, with Tina this time filled by the character of Laura, seen here with Urkel as Superman:

But Rag Dolls and Tina Turners pale in comparison to the prevelance of another costume: Cleopatra.  Cleopatra costumes abound in sitcoms from across the decades.  So far I’ve identified 7 different episode/shows that featured a character dressed like Cleopatra for Halloween, including Caroline in the City, Full House, Living Single and Two of a Kind. Denise dresses as Cleopatra in the aforementioned episode of The Cosby Show that also features Claire dressed as Tina Turner: 

The Cleopatra costume has even crossed over to reality TV, as one of the Gosselin girls chooses it as her costume on a Halloween episode of Kate Plus 8.

The most impressive of all of these Cleopatras comes, not surprisingly, from the sitcom Roseanne.  Roseanne is known for its Halloween episodes, and its portrayal of a Cleopatra costume takes the cake.  It’s worn by minor character Vonda Green at a lodge Halloween party in the excellent episode “Trick Me Up, Trick Me Down.”  Besides just being a really great costume with an especially colorful and sparkly headdress, what puts this particular version over the top is the rubber snake dangling from the bodice:

That concludes our look at some of the most popular Halloween costumes in TV Land. As I continue to watch and keep track I’m sure I’ll discover more. Little Bo Beep is fast becoming a contender…

TV'S GREATEST QUEER-THEMED EPISODES (1970s-2000)

It’s been a historic and particularly celebratory Gay Pride Month this year, given the recent historic Supreme Court ruling. Last year, in honor of Gay Pride Month, I made a list of the Greatest Queer TV Characters of All Time.  This year I decided to compile a list of the greatest queer-themed TV episodes.  Rather than rank them I’m going in chronological order to better show the evolution of queer representation on TV.  This list covers the 1970s through the year 2000, and one of these days I'll write Part 2, which will encompass the modern era. 

Please note that this list is NOT comprehensive—a lot of great queer characters, stories, and shows are not represented here.  These are just my personal favorites, and all are well-worth watching.

“My Brother’s Keeper”

The Mary Tyler Moore Show (Season 3, 1973)

Amazingly progressive for it’s time (and even by today’s standards), this episode of my beloved Mary Tyler Moore Show keeps its big gay twist for the very end.  Throughout the episode Phyllis is increasingly upset over the closeness of her visiting brother Ben and her archenemy Rhoda.  But just as Phyllis’ histrionics reach their peak (at one of Mary’s infamously disastrous parties, naturally), Rhoda reveals that Ben is gay and therefore they are simply good friends.  It’s the refreshingly casual way Rhoda reveals the info and Phyllis’ relieved reaction that make this episode a standout.  If only Ben hadn’t been limited to just a one-episode guest spot… Rhoda and Ben could have become the Jack and Karen of the 1970s!

“The Gay Bar”

Maude (Season 6, 1977)

I finally watched Maude from start to finish for the first time last year and I reveled in the show’s many progressive topics, but most of all Bea Arthur’s flawless, complicated portrayal of Maude herself.  True, this gay-themed episode is heavy-handed (as many of the show’s topical episodes were), but it’s also earnest in its intentions.  And Bea Arthur brings the funny, as always.  This episode concerns Maude’s efforts to combat homophobic neighbor Arthur’s campaign to close down a new gay bar in Tuckahoe.  Both Arthur and Maude end up at the bar, where, overzealous as always, Maude goes out of her way to bond with the gay patrons.

“Isn’t It Romantic?”

Golden Girls (Season 2, 1986)

Golden Girls is one of the most iconic gay shows of all time for many, many reasons (the women are all basically drag queens, for starters).  But aside from its camp sensibility the show tackled gay issues head-on multiple times (there was even a gay housekeeper named CoCo in the pilot episode, but he was—perhaps thankfully—dropped).  Aside from the episodes dealing with Blanche’s gay brother (who eventually got married on the show), we have this Season 2 episode dealing with Dorothy’s friend Jean.  On the heels of a breakup, Jean stays with the girls for a bit and finds herself falling in love with Rose—who is utterly clueless about Jean’s affections.  The scene in which Dorothy and Sophia explain that Jean is a lesbian to both Rose and Blanche is a highpoint:

But it’s the sweet acceptance and understanding that Rose ultimately displays that makes this episode something special.

“Killing All the Right People”

Designing Women (Season 2, 1987)

Oh boy, this episode deals with some heavy stuff and it does not have a typically happy sitcom ending.  But it does mark an extremely important moment in TV history, as the women of Sugarbakers Design Firm deal with the AIDS crisis.  Kendall, a friend and fellow decorator, comes to Sugarbakers’ and asks them to plan his funeral, as he is dying of AIDS.  Julia’s subsequent epic takedown of a homophobic client is the stuff of legend:

You’ll be sobbing by the end, though, as the last scene depicts Kendall’s funeral, a grimly realistic ending during the height of the AIDS crisis.  The episode is made all the more poignant with the knowledge that creator-writer Linda Bloodworth-Thomason’s own mother died of AIDS after being infected via a blood transfusion.

“Ladies’ Choice”

Roseanne (Season 5, 1992)

Roseanne Barr deserves a lot of credit for dragging gay rights issues out of the closet and on to our TV screens in the early 90s.  The fact that she has two gay siblings helped prompt her to introduce some of TV’s best and most long-running gay characters to Middle America at a time when it was still considered a big deal.  In this episode the character of Nancy comes out, much to Roseanne and Jackie’s disbelief (up to this point Nancy had been something of a man-eater).  Nancy is played by queer icon Sandra Bernhard and I love that she never sacrifices Nancy’s primary characteristic (her shallowness) in favor of her sexuality.  The show may be better known for the episode in which Roseanne shares a kiss with guest star Mariel Hemingway, but Nancy’s coming out in this episode remains my favorite of Roseanne’s many queer landmarks:

“Resolutions”

My So-Called Life (Season 1, 1995)

Last year I declared My So-Called Life’s Rickie Vasquez as my pick for the Greatest Queer TV Character of all time.  The show’s entire (and only) season is a wonderfully realistic portrayal of a gay teen’s struggle to accept his own sexuality and be accepted by those around him.  This New Year’s Eve episode (double points for being holiday themed!) is the pinnacle of that portrayal.  Rickie has been struggling mightily with both his sexuality and related domestic abuse up to this point, but it’s in this episode where he hits rock bottom—and finds help in the form of a sympathetic gay teacher.  Rickie’s story is heartbreakingly true to life.

“Woman to Woman”

Living Single (Season 3, 1997)

I will never stop proclaiming that Living Single is   one of the most underrated sitcoms of the 90s until we get all five seasons released on DVD!  This Season 3 episode involves my favorite character, Max.  Max’s college friend Shayla comes to New York for her wedding—but when she reveals she’s marrying a woman, Max reacts badly.  But the progressive twist is that Max isn’t upset that Shayla is a lesbian, but rather that she kept it a secret from her for so long when everyone else knew the truth.

“Homer’s Phobia”

The Simpsons (Season 8, 1997)

If I was ranking episodes based on merit, this one just might be my #1.  The Golden Age of The Simpsons brings us this gem of an episode, which never sacrifices the laughs while still managing some razor-sharp social commentary.  John Waters guest stars as a campy shopkeeper who charms the entire Simpson clan, but when Homer learns John is gay and fears his effect on Bart, hilarity ensues.  Homer’s attempts to set Bart on a straight and narrow path are particularly funny.  The gay steel mill scene is one of the series’ highlights

By the episode’s end Homer has a change of heart and mind after being rescued from some rabid reindeer by John.   The Simpsons would go on to have several gay-themed episode in its later years, but never any as funny or insightful as “Homer’s Phobia.”

“Gay Yellow Pages”

Ellen (Season 5, 1997)

Yes, the quality of Ellen dipped after her the character and the real-life Ellen came out, but there were still some great episodes in the show’s fifth and final season.  Take for example “Gay Yellow Pages,” in which a newly out Ellen Morgan tries to connect with the gay community by hosting a prideful party.  However she feels the pressure to be politically correct and only frequent gay-friendly companies, resulting in her hiring a completely incompetent (and scantily clad) gay plumber.  Ellen’s efforts to later hide the fact that she hired a (seemingly) straight plumber to undo the damage while in the midst of hosting her party makes for some great, frenetic comedy.

We’ve now covered TV’s early and awesome efforts to portray queer characters and storylines.  We've come a long way baby, and we owe a lot to these shows for breaking new ground and paving the way for even better, funnier and more poignant portrayals of queer life to come.  

THE 10 GREATEST QUEER TV CHARACTERS

I have to admit, I am not the biggest fan of Gay Pride Month.  I like the idea of Gay Pride Month, as an effort to broaden representation of the gay community in the ongoing fight against homophobia.  What bothers me is the gap between what Pride is meant to represent and what it actually is, namely an excuse to drink and hold oftentimes over-sexualized parades and events.  In a lot of ways rather than represent the struggle for gay rights Gay Pride Month ends up showcasing a lot of the things that frustrate me about (primarily male) gay culture: the immature partying and the emphasis on sex and appearance.  

But, as I said, I’m not a total curmudgeon; I think Pride serves its purpose and that purpose is ultimately noble.  And a celebration doesn’t have to come in the form of techno music and booze.  A celebration of gay pride can be as simple as a list of the greatest queer TV characters, which I’ve assembled just for the occasion.

As with all of my lists I’m sure some of my choices, or even more so my omissions, will prove controversial.  Just because a character is well very known doesn’t mean they make the cut.  I make my decisions based on my own wildly subjective criteria—and I often prefer lesser known characters and shows exactly because they don’t get as much credit or attention.  So go ahead and start writing your indignant comments  of “Glee!” and “Modern Family!” now.

Okay, here goes!

10. Nancy Bartlett Thomas

Show: Roseanne

Sandra Bernhard is a comedy goddess and a gay icon, but a lot of people may forget that she played the character of Nancy throughout Roseanne’s long run.  Nancy was always flighty and self-involved, but she wasn’t always a lesbian-- she was married for a while to the obnoxious Arnie.  Luckily Arnie was abducted by aliens (really!) and Nancy came out, eventually even dating another character played by Morgan Fairchild.  Nancy was always true to herself and always fun to watch.

Episode to Watch: “Ladies’ Choice”

Nancy comes out to Roseanne and Jackie, much to their initial disbelief.

9. Bob & Ray

Show: Seinfeld

Bob and Ray were minor recurring characters on Seinfeld, but extremely memorable ones.  As a couple they terrorized the regular cast members in three different episodes with their “street tough” demeanor—the joke being that they were actually just totally normal guys who intimidated everyone with their confrontational ways.  Whether chasing down Kramer for not wearing an AIDS ribbon or stealing furniture, it was always fun seeing two tough gay guys calling the shots!

Episode to Watch: “The Soup Nazi”

Bob and Ray steal Elaine's armoire from a helpless Kramer.

8. Captain Jack Harkness

Show: Doctor Who & Torchwood

Jack Harkness brought an Erroll Flynnish air of the swashbuckling rogue to Doctor Who (and eventually headlining spin-off show Torchwood).  He made for an admirable companion to the good Doctor and remained just rougish enough as to remain entirely lovable.  His ominisexuality and penchant for flirting with men, women, aliens and robots made sense for a man from the far-flung future, where sexuality is a lot more fluid and acceptance more widespread. The heroic Jack defies boundaries and stereotypes, and provided us with a much-needed queer science fiction icon.

Episode to Watch: “Captain Jack Harkness”

Jack travels back in time to the 40s to meet the man who’s identity he stole—but romantic complications and heartbreak are in store for both of them.

7. Leon Carp

Show: Roseanne

Leon served as Roseanne’s boss, nemesis, sparring partner and eventual friend up to the very last episode of the show.  His character evolved but he never lost his edge, always prone to a cutting remark.  His coming out was handled a bit more subtly than some of the show’s other outings, as his character had already been around for a while and he only casually mentioned the fact that he was gay during a poker game with Dan and his friends.  Eventually we met Leon’s partner, saw them get married and plan to adopt a kid.  A smart and always funny character, played brilliantly by Martin Mull.

Episode to Watch: “Why Jackie Becomes a Trucker”

Leon casually comes out during a poker game, taking Dan and the viewing audience by surprise.

6. Jerri Blank

Show: Strangers with Candy

Amy Sedaris can inhabit a character so totally it’s easy to forget that they aren’t one and the same.  Certainly I will forever think of her as Jerri Blank, the monstrously selfish former drug addict and dropout giving high school a second chance at the ripe age of 46.  Jerri was no role model, but the frank portrayal of her bisexuality was refreshing amid the character’s more craven characteristics.  She lusted after men, she lusted after women, she just plain lusted!  

Episode to Watch: “Feather in the Storm”

Jerri develops an eating disorder in order to join the debate team.  It’s way more hilarious than it sounds…

5. Ben Sutherland

Show: The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Ben appeared in just one episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, but it happens to be one of the show’s best.  Introduced as Phyllis’ visiting brother, Phyllis is horrified when instead of falling for Mary (as she intended), Ben and Rhoda hit it off.  At one of Mary’s infamously bad parties Phyllis goes off the deep end, expecting Ben and Rhoda to announce their engagement—only for Rhoda to reveal that Ben is gay.  It’s a truly remarkable moment given the time period, especially in the offhand and funny way that it's handled.  Even better is Phyllis’ relief at the revelation; she doesn’t care if Ben is gay, only that he doesn’t date Rhoda!  And really, what self-respecting gay man doesn’t love Rhoda?

Episode to Watch: “My Brother’s Keeper”

Ben makes his first and regrettably only appearance in this fantastic and funny episode.

4. Willow Rosenberg & Tara Maclay

Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

You may consider it a cheat to count two characters as one, but Willow and Tara work so well as a couple, and their relationship is so iconic.  Willow of course didn’t start out as gay but was always a great character; however her relationship with Tara made her that much better.  Tara was always an underrated character and one of my particular favorites.  Their relationship was ill-fated but while it lasted it was pure magic (couldn’t resist) and was a groundbreakingly earnest depiction of same-sex love and the development of sexual identity.

Episode to Watch: “Once More, With Feeling”

In this musical episode Tara starts out serenading Willow but ends up leaving her after uncovering her magical betrayal.  

3. Ellen Morgan

Show: Ellen

Are you shocked that Ellen isn’t Number One?  We certainly all owe Ellen Degeneres a huge debt for coming out, both in real life, and in character as Ellen Morgan.  I love both the closeted and out versions of the character, who is neurotic, kind to a fault, and prone to babbling.  Plus she owns an independent bookstore, one of the coolest jobs ever.  True, the quality and humor of Ellen the show suffered a bit post-coming out, but Ellen the character always remained entirely lovable.

Episode to Watch: “Lobster Diary”

Ellen rescues a live lobster from a local seafood restaurant, but then must hide the lobster’s death from the media and guest star Mary Tyler Moore!

2. Thomas Barrow

Show: Downton Abbey

Downton Abbey is highbrow, soapy escapism at its finest.  It may be prone to some over-the-top moments but the show’s characters are nuanced and artfully written, none better than Thomas Barrow.  The villainous, grasping Thomas is ambitious to a fault, but when his sexuality was revealed in the very first episode of the show, Thomas’ bad behavior suddenly made a lot more sense.  Living as a closeted man in 1912 can’t have been easy, and Thomas is as much victim as villain—though whatever his role he always looks positively dashing!

Episode to Watch: “Episode One”

Thomas is first introduced, as is his secret affair with a visiting Duke.

1. Rickie Vasquez

Show: My So-Called Life

My entire family watched My So-Called Life together when its first and only season aired.  We all related to different characters back then, whether it was the beleaguered parents, the rebellious Angela, or in my case the ignored younger sister.  I was only ten when the show first aired so it wouldn’t be for many years that I started identifying with gay teen Rickie more than the twerpy tween sister.  But even at the tender age of 10 Rickie made a powerful impression upon me.  He was different and daring from any other character I’d ever seen on TV: slightly effeminate, stylish, sweet and caring but damaged and sad all at the time.  But the most subversive thing was how he hung out with his female friends in the girls bathroom at school, a small act of defiance that seemed wildly daring—and something I would totally have done myself if I had been braver at that age. The character of Rickie, as well as the actor who portrayed him, Wilson Cruz (who like Rickie eventually also came out), would serve as a role model for a lot of people over the years.  He was a fully realized, realistic, gay teen character who embodied both strength and extreme vulnerability.  He was also a person of color and poor, character traits rarely seen in connection with the affluent, white-washed gay characters regularly still seen on TV. 

Episode to Watch: “So-Called Angels”

In one of the most depressing (yet powerful) Christmas episodes you’ll ever watch, Rickie finds himself homeless for the holidays.

To conclude, I present you with a couple of dishonorable mentions in the form of “Come Out of the Closet, Already!” Awards.  These are for three characters whom I really like but frustratingly were never explicitly outed, despite their wildly queer ways. 

Michele Gerard from Gilmore Girls

Michele was super snarky and SUPER gay but weirdly the character was written as straight—and then later sort of asexual.  He would have been that much better if he’d actually been allowed to come out and have a love life, a big missed opportunity.

Squidward Tentacles from SpongeBob Squarepants

Fox News at one point thought SpongeBob might have been gay but c’mon—with his fussy ways and bachelor lifestyle Squidward is totally the bitchy, elder gay octopus I hope to one day become.

Andrew Wells from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Andrew, a villain turned hero, is still “alive” in the pages of the ongoing Buffy comics.  However he STILL isn’t out, despite constant hints and jokes about his sexuality.  Joss Whedon, a big friend to the queer community, has said he thinks Andrew’s cluelessness is funny but I find it wearisome that he isn’t allowed to evolve and find love and full happiness. Hell, even Tom Lenk, the actor who played Andrew, came out years ago!  

THE 25 GREATEST TV MOMS: THE FINAL 5

We've reached the grand finale of our countdown of the 25 Greatest TV Moms!  The last five ladies on the list are all near and dear to my heart and have provided hours of entertainment over the years.  Let's see if you agree with my choices--enjoy!

5. Emily Gilmore
Show: Gilmore Girls

Lorelai Gilmore may be the cool mom who you want to be friends with, but Emily Gilmore is the TV mom I most want to watch.  Yes, she has firm ideas about what’s right and wrong, proper and improper.  But it’s the strength of her convictions that make Emily so entertaining, whether she’s bossing around maids or planning one of her famous parties.  Emily was the one who engineered the show’s Friday Night Dinners as a way of reaffirming her relationship with her daughter and granddaughter, and more than once she displayed her softer side in her efforts to connect with free-spirited Lorelai.  She’s the perfect combination of bitchy and tender, a sharp dresser with an even sharper tongue.  That’s my kind of mother!

Episode to Watch: “Emily in Wonderland”
Emily visits her daughter and granddaughter on their home turf of Stars Hollow.

4. Edina Monsoon
Show: Absolutely Fabulous

Edina, trapped in a state of perpetual adolescence, is mothered by her own daughter.  Saffron provides the lectures, cleans up Eddy’s messes, and reminds her to pay the bills.  There isn’t a holiday or birthday that Eddy doesn’t forget, and she’s never shy about insulting Saffy’s appearance, choice of friends, or life path.  Eddy and Saffy’s screwed-up mother-daughter dynamic is one of the best ever shown on screen, hilarious and dysfunctional but not lacking in love.  Eddy’s a mess but she still loves Saffy, and Saffy still loves Eddy despite her years of neglect, and it’s this undercurrent (however faint) of love that redeems them both.

Episode to Watch: “Paris”
Eddy and Saffy head to Paris for a mother-daughter fashion shoot, but their different styles of tourism clash.

3. Ida Morgenstern
Show: The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Ida was a strong contender for the number one spot on this list.  Few actresses have ever better epitomized the Jewish mother archetype than Nancy Walker.  Ida was fiercely loving of her daughters (and her daughter’s friend Mary).  She was also overbearing, constantly matchmaking and a master of the guilt trip.  Only Ida could gift and then guilt Mary into wearing two scarves at once to prove she liked both equally, or barge into Lou Grant’s office (and mistake him for Murray).  Her diminutive size didn’t prevent her from bulldozing everyone around her—but she just wants you to be happy, okay?  And she knows a very nice man who would be perfect for you…

Episode to Watch: “Support Your Local Mother”
Rhoda refuses to see her mom when she visits, so Ida stays with Mary instead and quickly drives her crazy by treating her like a surrogate daughter

2. Roseanne Conner
Show: Roseanne

Roseanne may not be refined, or soft, or sweet but what she was was real.  She stressed over having enough money to pay the bills.  She worked a series of crappy jobs (waitress, telemarketer, hair sweeper-upper) to make ends meet.  Her house wasn’t the cleanest or her kids super well behaved.  She wasn’t above playing Halloween pranks on her own family or yelling at them. She was also the kind of mom you could count on to forgive your mistakes and always welcome you back home.  We would all be lucky to have a mom like Roseanne, warts and all.

Episode to Watch: “Home Ec”
Roseanne gives Becky’s home ec class a lesson in real world household management (it involves meatloaf).

1. Marie Barone
Show: Everybody Loves Raymond

I’ve noticed a running theme with all of my top five choices.  All of them manage to be both maddening and entirely lovable at the same time. All of them would be overbearing in real life but make for great TV viewing.  I debated over making Roseanne or Ida my number one choice, but when I remembered Marie Barone there was no hesitation.  Marie is the ultimate mother in all senses of the word.  She doesn’t just love her family—she smothers them in love.  She inserts herself into every aspects of their lives and voices her opinion on everything.  She does all of the above with a certain lack of self-awareness, so it becomes nearly impossible for her family to call her out on her actions.  After all, she’s doing it all in the name of love!  And despite their protestations, countless episodes proved that everyone in the Barone clan was ultimately jockeying for her approval.  She’s the unquestioned matriarch, the sun around which the family revolves and the reason why Everybody Loves Raymond was such a classic.

Episode to Watch: “Marie’s Vision”
When Marie gets glasses she starts to notice little things about her family—and they scramble to try and escape her criticisms.  

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there, real and fictional!

VALENTINE'S DAY

Roseanne
Season 3 (1991)

I was delighted to discover this Valentine’s Day episode of Roseanne; I’m a big fan of the show but somehow had never seen this.  First things first: the terrible hair!  Roseanne went through many looks over the course of the show but she’s sporting a truly awful hairstyle in this episode: cut short and dyed a weird shade of red.  Even Jackie has bad hair in this episode, eschewing her classic short hairdo for bangs and long locks.  I just had to get the hair out of the way.

The Conner men fail at Valentine's Day

We begin on Valentine’s Day morning, and Dan has forgotten the holiday.  Roseanne preys on his guilt, especially when DJ gives her a Valentine.  DJ’s Valentine turns out to be “From Warren,” as he says the one he made was no good and so he fished Warren’s discarded, gravy-stained Valentine out of the trash.  Everything in Roseanne’s life needs to be just a bit beat-up (and better yet gravy-stained), which is why the show is so relatable and true-to-life (and why the final season was so terrible!).

The greatest spin-off that never was

After consulting with Jackie, Dan reluctantly heads to the mall to buy Roseanne’s desired gift: lingerie.  This was by far my favorite part of the episode, as it introduces us to the “BIG and Beautiful” lingerie store in the Lanford Mall.  Dan, as a man surrounded by women and panties, is a nervous wreck.  Upon entering the store he’s assessed by the two sales associates, who try to determine if he’s  a pervert or just a husband.  They come to his aid but he eventually runs off without buying anything.

All kinds of yes!

The two store employees, neither of whom is plus-sized and who are named Amy and Jennifer, sport some amazing 90s looks and have a very fun dynamic.  Amy is wearing a floral Laura Ashley-type dress and has weird curlicues gelled to the sides of her face.  I was utterly amazed when I looked it up and discovered that she was played by a very young Judy Gold, a favorite comedian of mine (and if you know anything about Judy Gold and her laid-back persona, it makes sense why she looks so uncomfortable in a giant floral dress).  We as a society were robbed of our “BIG and Beautiful” spinoff show!  I would have loved to watch a show set in the store and witnessed the further adventures of Amy and Jennifer!

The main plot of the episode concerns Becky trying to help Darlene get a date for the Valentine’s Day dance, but Darlene’s crush ends up asking Becky instead, inadvertently egged on by Roseanne.  The sisters eventually work things out, and Dan ends up giving Roseanne a homemade Valentine, not the lingerie she asked for.  He writes a cute little poem and signs it “From Warren” so Roseanne forgives him and goes to the bedroom to “try it on.”

This episode also features two notable side characters.  We are first introduced to Martin Mull as Leon, Roseanne’s manager at the restaurant (and later business partner).  Leon was eventually revealed to be gay and remained a very positive gay presence on TV when such a thing was still rare (and sadly still kind of is).  The other is a cameo appearance by Baby Tobey Maguire as Jeff, one of Darlene’s crush’s friends.  So much 90s goodness packed into one great holiday episode!

I love how Roseanne is looming in the background.  Look out, Tobey!

Recurring Themes: Dan does some Last Minute Shopping.

Valentine’s Day Quotient: 3

See It, Skip It, Own It?
Worth a watch, especially is you are a fan of Roseanne and/or of 90s fashions!

WE GATHER TOGETHER

Roseanne

Season 2 (1989)

Before

Everybody Loves Raymond wins Thanksgiving but Roseanne is constantly waiting in the wings just waiting to snatch the crown.  No other show did Halloween as well as the Conner clan but over the course of its many seasons the show also offered up some amazing Thanksgiving episodes as well.  “We Gather Together” is the first and arguably best of the best. 

In its early seasons both the show and Roseanne Barr herself had an extremely naturalistic style and tone; the dialogue doesn’t feel like written dialogue but improvised conversation; the characters feel real and relatable and everything from the sets to the costumes to the food looks like it could be at your next-door neighbor’s (especially if you live in a trailer park-- or at least next to one).

This naturalism is at its zenith in this Thanksgiving episode.  It doesn’t even really have a central story, just a lot of little wonderful moments between the various characters as they, you guessed it, gather together to celebrate Thanksgiving.  Both Roseanne and Dan’s parents arrive, along with their emotional baggage. 

It's not a holiday if someone doesn't break out in tears.  Solution: more wine!

Dan’s divorced mom brings a date and the Conners’ friend Crystal seems to be entering into a flirtation with Dan’s father, which grosses everyone out a bit (including me—they eventually get married but it always remains a bit icky).  And Jackie is as neurotic and flighty and over-emotional as ever.  In the role of Jackie, Laurie Metcalf absolutely steals every single scene she’s in.

This episode really is Thanksgiving perfection; you can practically smell the turkey cooking in the oven as the characters interact onscreen.  I love Roseanne’s opening inner monologue, in which she “talks” to the turkey she’s stuffing (and gives it a little slap).  The dinner scene is memorable, during which Jackie breaks down crying and Roseanne, in her frustration, throws the turkey carcass down on the table.  There’s a sweet scene later between Dan and his mom on the porch as they simply talk.  Even the closing credits play out over John Goodman’s Dan as he stoically eats his meal while watching the craziness play out around him at the table.

Yum!  Carcass!

When Roseanne was good it was very, very good.  It’s tainted by its truly terrible final season as well as Roseanne Barr’s erratic behavior in real life. As her celebrity soared her appearance changed (with the aid of plastic surgery) and her acting style morphed into a screechy and unrealistic parody of these excellent early seasons.  But “We Gather Together” is as comfortable (and at times uncomfortable) as spending time as the guest of a real family, with all of the warmth and occasional awkwardness that implies.

And After

The Menu: Turkey, Canned Cranberry Sauce, White Wine & Beer

Thanksgiving Quotient: 5

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Buy it, watch it, rinse and repeat.