THE 10 GREATEST QUEER TV CHARACTERS

I have to admit, I am not the biggest fan of Gay Pride Month.  I like the idea of Gay Pride Month, as an effort to broaden representation of the gay community in the ongoing fight against homophobia.  What bothers me is the gap between what Pride is meant to represent and what it actually is, namely an excuse to drink and hold oftentimes over-sexualized parades and events.  In a lot of ways rather than represent the struggle for gay rights Gay Pride Month ends up showcasing a lot of the things that frustrate me about (primarily male) gay culture: the immature partying and the emphasis on sex and appearance.  

But, as I said, I’m not a total curmudgeon; I think Pride serves its purpose and that purpose is ultimately noble.  And a celebration doesn’t have to come in the form of techno music and booze.  A celebration of gay pride can be as simple as a list of the greatest queer TV characters, which I’ve assembled just for the occasion.

As with all of my lists I’m sure some of my choices, or even more so my omissions, will prove controversial.  Just because a character is well very known doesn’t mean they make the cut.  I make my decisions based on my own wildly subjective criteria—and I often prefer lesser known characters and shows exactly because they don’t get as much credit or attention.  So go ahead and start writing your indignant comments  of “Glee!” and “Modern Family!” now.

Okay, here goes!

10. Nancy Bartlett Thomas

Show: Roseanne

Sandra Bernhard is a comedy goddess and a gay icon, but a lot of people may forget that she played the character of Nancy throughout Roseanne’s long run.  Nancy was always flighty and self-involved, but she wasn’t always a lesbian-- she was married for a while to the obnoxious Arnie.  Luckily Arnie was abducted by aliens (really!) and Nancy came out, eventually even dating another character played by Morgan Fairchild.  Nancy was always true to herself and always fun to watch.

Episode to Watch: “Ladies’ Choice”

Nancy comes out to Roseanne and Jackie, much to their initial disbelief.

9. Bob & Ray

Show: Seinfeld

Bob and Ray were minor recurring characters on Seinfeld, but extremely memorable ones.  As a couple they terrorized the regular cast members in three different episodes with their “street tough” demeanor—the joke being that they were actually just totally normal guys who intimidated everyone with their confrontational ways.  Whether chasing down Kramer for not wearing an AIDS ribbon or stealing furniture, it was always fun seeing two tough gay guys calling the shots!

Episode to Watch: “The Soup Nazi”

Bob and Ray steal Elaine's armoire from a helpless Kramer.

8. Captain Jack Harkness

Show: Doctor Who & Torchwood

Jack Harkness brought an Erroll Flynnish air of the swashbuckling rogue to Doctor Who (and eventually headlining spin-off show Torchwood).  He made for an admirable companion to the good Doctor and remained just rougish enough as to remain entirely lovable.  His ominisexuality and penchant for flirting with men, women, aliens and robots made sense for a man from the far-flung future, where sexuality is a lot more fluid and acceptance more widespread. The heroic Jack defies boundaries and stereotypes, and provided us with a much-needed queer science fiction icon.

Episode to Watch: “Captain Jack Harkness”

Jack travels back in time to the 40s to meet the man who’s identity he stole—but romantic complications and heartbreak are in store for both of them.

7. Leon Carp

Show: Roseanne

Leon served as Roseanne’s boss, nemesis, sparring partner and eventual friend up to the very last episode of the show.  His character evolved but he never lost his edge, always prone to a cutting remark.  His coming out was handled a bit more subtly than some of the show’s other outings, as his character had already been around for a while and he only casually mentioned the fact that he was gay during a poker game with Dan and his friends.  Eventually we met Leon’s partner, saw them get married and plan to adopt a kid.  A smart and always funny character, played brilliantly by Martin Mull.

Episode to Watch: “Why Jackie Becomes a Trucker”

Leon casually comes out during a poker game, taking Dan and the viewing audience by surprise.

6. Jerri Blank

Show: Strangers with Candy

Amy Sedaris can inhabit a character so totally it’s easy to forget that they aren’t one and the same.  Certainly I will forever think of her as Jerri Blank, the monstrously selfish former drug addict and dropout giving high school a second chance at the ripe age of 46.  Jerri was no role model, but the frank portrayal of her bisexuality was refreshing amid the character’s more craven characteristics.  She lusted after men, she lusted after women, she just plain lusted!  

Episode to Watch: “Feather in the Storm”

Jerri develops an eating disorder in order to join the debate team.  It’s way more hilarious than it sounds…

5. Ben Sutherland

Show: The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Ben appeared in just one episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, but it happens to be one of the show’s best.  Introduced as Phyllis’ visiting brother, Phyllis is horrified when instead of falling for Mary (as she intended), Ben and Rhoda hit it off.  At one of Mary’s infamously bad parties Phyllis goes off the deep end, expecting Ben and Rhoda to announce their engagement—only for Rhoda to reveal that Ben is gay.  It’s a truly remarkable moment given the time period, especially in the offhand and funny way that it's handled.  Even better is Phyllis’ relief at the revelation; she doesn’t care if Ben is gay, only that he doesn’t date Rhoda!  And really, what self-respecting gay man doesn’t love Rhoda?

Episode to Watch: “My Brother’s Keeper”

Ben makes his first and regrettably only appearance in this fantastic and funny episode.

4. Willow Rosenberg & Tara Maclay

Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

You may consider it a cheat to count two characters as one, but Willow and Tara work so well as a couple, and their relationship is so iconic.  Willow of course didn’t start out as gay but was always a great character; however her relationship with Tara made her that much better.  Tara was always an underrated character and one of my particular favorites.  Their relationship was ill-fated but while it lasted it was pure magic (couldn’t resist) and was a groundbreakingly earnest depiction of same-sex love and the development of sexual identity.

Episode to Watch: “Once More, With Feeling”

In this musical episode Tara starts out serenading Willow but ends up leaving her after uncovering her magical betrayal.  

3. Ellen Morgan

Show: Ellen

Are you shocked that Ellen isn’t Number One?  We certainly all owe Ellen Degeneres a huge debt for coming out, both in real life, and in character as Ellen Morgan.  I love both the closeted and out versions of the character, who is neurotic, kind to a fault, and prone to babbling.  Plus she owns an independent bookstore, one of the coolest jobs ever.  True, the quality and humor of Ellen the show suffered a bit post-coming out, but Ellen the character always remained entirely lovable.

Episode to Watch: “Lobster Diary”

Ellen rescues a live lobster from a local seafood restaurant, but then must hide the lobster’s death from the media and guest star Mary Tyler Moore!

2. Thomas Barrow

Show: Downton Abbey

Downton Abbey is highbrow, soapy escapism at its finest.  It may be prone to some over-the-top moments but the show’s characters are nuanced and artfully written, none better than Thomas Barrow.  The villainous, grasping Thomas is ambitious to a fault, but when his sexuality was revealed in the very first episode of the show, Thomas’ bad behavior suddenly made a lot more sense.  Living as a closeted man in 1912 can’t have been easy, and Thomas is as much victim as villain—though whatever his role he always looks positively dashing!

Episode to Watch: “Episode One”

Thomas is first introduced, as is his secret affair with a visiting Duke.

1. Rickie Vasquez

Show: My So-Called Life

My entire family watched My So-Called Life together when its first and only season aired.  We all related to different characters back then, whether it was the beleaguered parents, the rebellious Angela, or in my case the ignored younger sister.  I was only ten when the show first aired so it wouldn’t be for many years that I started identifying with gay teen Rickie more than the twerpy tween sister.  But even at the tender age of 10 Rickie made a powerful impression upon me.  He was different and daring from any other character I’d ever seen on TV: slightly effeminate, stylish, sweet and caring but damaged and sad all at the time.  But the most subversive thing was how he hung out with his female friends in the girls bathroom at school, a small act of defiance that seemed wildly daring—and something I would totally have done myself if I had been braver at that age. The character of Rickie, as well as the actor who portrayed him, Wilson Cruz (who like Rickie eventually also came out), would serve as a role model for a lot of people over the years.  He was a fully realized, realistic, gay teen character who embodied both strength and extreme vulnerability.  He was also a person of color and poor, character traits rarely seen in connection with the affluent, white-washed gay characters regularly still seen on TV. 

Episode to Watch: “So-Called Angels”

In one of the most depressing (yet powerful) Christmas episodes you’ll ever watch, Rickie finds himself homeless for the holidays.

To conclude, I present you with a couple of dishonorable mentions in the form of “Come Out of the Closet, Already!” Awards.  These are for three characters whom I really like but frustratingly were never explicitly outed, despite their wildly queer ways. 

Michele Gerard from Gilmore Girls

Michele was super snarky and SUPER gay but weirdly the character was written as straight—and then later sort of asexual.  He would have been that much better if he’d actually been allowed to come out and have a love life, a big missed opportunity.

Squidward Tentacles from SpongeBob Squarepants

Fox News at one point thought SpongeBob might have been gay but c’mon—with his fussy ways and bachelor lifestyle Squidward is totally the bitchy, elder gay octopus I hope to one day become.

Andrew Wells from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Andrew, a villain turned hero, is still “alive” in the pages of the ongoing Buffy comics.  However he STILL isn’t out, despite constant hints and jokes about his sexuality.  Joss Whedon, a big friend to the queer community, has said he thinks Andrew’s cluelessness is funny but I find it wearisome that he isn’t allowed to evolve and find love and full happiness. Hell, even Tom Lenk, the actor who played Andrew, came out years ago!  

THE 20 GREATEST TV DADS, PART 2

Welcome back to Part 2 of my Greatest TV Dads countdown!  We’re up to the Top 10 and it’s an eclectic mix from TV shows old and new.  Here we go!

10. Howard Borden

Show: The Bob Newhart Show

After he played the goofy neighbor on I Dream of Jeannie Bill Daily went on to play the even goofier next door neighbor on The Bob Newhart Show.  While most might remember Howard as a dim-witted navigator, he was also a stellar single dad.  Despite being a little slow, Howard was always genuinely concerned with his son Howie’s welfare, seeking child-rearing advice from his neighbors and dealing with the sometimes painful repercussions of divorce and co-parenting.  He was  a man ahead of his time, and not nearly as dumb as people thought him.

Episode to Watch: “Sorry, Wrong Mother”

Howard’s new girlfriend tries to win his son Howie’s affection, but Howard himself interferes.

9. Jake Morgendorffer

Show: Daria

Jake Morgendorffer was a man of contradictions: ex-hippie, corporate drone, sensitive and yet full of rage.  Quick to anger and quick to cry, Jake often played up his haplessness by simply drifting off to sleep in mid-argument with his wife and daughters.  And while the women definitely ruled the roost, Jake strived hard to provide his daughters with the kind of receptive, affectionate parenting that he was denied by his strict, emotionless father.  Despite his myriad faults Jake was a good guy and a great dad.

Episode to Watch: “Monster”

Jake falls into a funk when he repeatedly watches a home movie of himself as a child falling off a bicycle and not being ignored by his father.

8. Jack Arnold

Show: The Wonder Years

Jack Arnold was the archetypal dad, or maybe it just seems that way to me because he reminds me so much of my own father.  Hard-working and a bit gruff, Jack isn’t super forthcoming with conversation or his emotions.  He made sacrifices for his family and though he sometimes disapproved of their actions, he always welcomed them back into the fold.  He truly loved his wife and provided for his family, a man of his times and a dad we would all be lucky to have.

Episode to Watch: “The House That Jack Built”

Tempers flare when the family visits daughter Karen at her new house and meet her new boyfriend.

7. Dan Conner

Show: Roseanne

Dan is the fun dad, the kind of dad who will wrestle with you, clown around and order pizza for dinner when Roseanne was out of the house.  He slaved away at menial jobs just to make ends meet but he also remained a big kid and the good cop to Roseanne’s more strict bad cop role.  When he need to, though, Dan could become rather fearsome, such as when he was defending his sister-in-law from an abusive boyfriend. What a lovable lug!

Episode to Watch: “Like A New Job”

With Roseanne busy at her new waitressing job, Dan takes over parenting, with mixed results (it involves clothes being thrown onto the front lawn).

6. Burt Hummel

Show: Glee

I almost resent how the character of Burt Hummel was written, because he’s so engineered for maximum likeability.  He’s the salt of the earth type, a blue collar man’s man and yet a big softy underneath.  His gradual acceptance of his teenage son’s coming out remains some of Glee’s most poignant moments.  And for added fatherhood points, actor Mike O'Malley also played another admirable TV dad on Yes, Dear!

Episode to Watch: “Preggers”

Kurt comes out to his dad and joins the football team—all this plus a performance of “Single Ladies.”

5. Luke Danes

Show: Gilmore Girls

Luke Danes is a father three times over: surrogate dad to Rory, uncle to errant nephew Jess, and eventually a biological dad to his own long-lost daughter.  He fulfilled all three roles admirably, encouraging Rory in everything she did and bemoaning her poor eating habits, exercising tough love with Jess and standing by April even when her own mother tried to keep him out of the picture.  Luke is a stand-up guy—and he can cook, making him the complete package.

Episode to Watch: “A Family Matter”

Luke must deal with both his flaky sister Liz and the reappearance of Jess—and admits to stealing Jess’ car.

4. Cliff Huxtable

Show: The Cosby Show

I have to admit that despite growing up watching The Cosby Show I’m not the show’s biggest fan.  However there is no denying that when you think of “TV Dad” Cliff Huxtable immediately springs to mind.  With his wry sense of humor and ability to bond with kids of all ages, Cliff was an accomplished professional (an OBGYN, appropriately enough) but also the ultimate sage at home, dispensing advice in all situations to his many kids.

Episode to Watch: “Father’s Day”

The Cosby kids band together to provide a special Father’s Day for Cliff—six months early.

3. Rupert Giles

Show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Giles is the only non-biological dad on my list (unless you count Professor Utonium, but that’s kind of a gray area).  But Giles proves that biology does not an excellent father make, as he mentored and cared for not only Buffy but the entire Scooby Gang.  Wise, stuffy, and always brave in the defense of his “kids,” Giles cemented the sense of surrogate family that was such a strong theme throughout Buffy’s run.

Episode to Watch: “Band Candy”

Giles reverts to his teenage self, showing Buffy and the Scooby Gang a decidedly different version of their mentor.

2. Louie C.K.

Show: Louie

Louie is one of those characters who always seems to say and do exactly the wrong thing, blundering his way from one awkward situation to the next.  But one of his redeeming qualities is his love for his two young daughters.  He often admits truths that other parents would hesitate to voice out loud, but whether he’s letting his daughter dress up as Frederick Douglas for Halloween or trying desperately to repair a broken doll, fatherhood is one area of his life where he’s able to rise above his own foibles and do something right.

Episode to Watch: “Lily Changes”

Louie goes crazy when he discovers that his daughter Lily is missing, leading him on a mad dash to find her.

1. Michael Bluth

Show: Arrested Development

The whole premise of Arrested Development lies in its wildly self-involved characters, a family who is quick to turn on one another for their own self-interests.  In the midst of this familial insanity Michael, however reluctantly, was the rock that his entire family relied on, including his own father.  Above all Michael strived to be a good dad to his son George Michael, instilling in him the same “family first” values that he practiced.  Once could argue that the most recent season of Arrested Development messed somewhat with Michael’s character (the season does end with George Michael punching his dad in the face, after all) but in my estimation Michael will always be the ultimate dad.

Episode to Watch: “Pilot”

Michael decides to finally turn his back on his family after one betrayal too many, but he finds himself invariably drawn back to the fold.

That’s all folks!  Don’t forget to show your dad (or Watcher or surrogate dad or dad-like loved one) some love this Father’s Day!

THOSE LAZY-HAZY-CRAZY DAYS

Gilmore Girls

Season 3 (2002)

Yes, this is technically an end of summer episode.  Lorelai even makes reference to the fact that it’s (presumably early) September.  Still, when I thought of which episode to watch to kick off the summer season this was the first that sprang to mind.  In re-watching it for the blog I realized it’s not quite as summery as I remembered, but it’s great fun regardless, a slice of Gilmore Girls from its prime.

This is the first episode of the third season, so there’s a sense of fallout and new beginnings throughout.  Lorelai is estranged from Luke after a Season 2 fight (the episode begins with a memorable dream sequence in which they’re married and expecting twins).  Rory is coming home after an internship in Washington alongside Paris.  And Lorelai has to explain to her parents that her would-be relationship with baby-daddy Christopher is, once again, kaput.  

Emily Al Fresco

The dinner scene between Lorelai and her parents is a highlight.  To reinforce the summer feel, they dine on the patio for a change, and Emily is hilariously (and justifiably) offended when Lorelai mocks their gift of scone mix, bought during their trip to Martha’s Vineyard.  Things go south quickly as Lorelai breaks the news about her breakup, and it ends with her slipping away while Richard and Emily argue with one another.

Another cute scene is Lorelai and Rory’s reunion at the airport, where souvenirs once again play a role (a bored Lorelai buys out the airport gift shop, including, weirdly, a baguette).  They then head to the End of Summer Madness Festival, town patriarch Taylor’s latest invention.  Anyone with a soul would want to attend a Star’s Hollow festival, and this one is no exception.  It looks wildly fun and is brimming with small-town charm, including a barbershop group that sings “Lazy Hazy Crazy Days of Summer” on a loop.  

I want to go to there.

I grew up listening to Nat King Cole's rendition of “Lazy Hazy Crazy Days of Summer.”  Many a summer night it would be playing on our record player (yes, record player!) while we barbecued or just sat outside on the porch watching the sunset.  Fond childhood memories aside, the lyrics just SCREAM summer, so it’s the perfect backdrop for this (semi) festive episode.  The festival scenes also remind me of Fourth of Julys spent at our own local outdoor celebrations.  This episode is folksy fun with just the right amount of angst and quirky characters, even if it is a little light on traditional summer trappings (a giant stuffed bear does make an appearance, however).

Happy Summer!

Summer Quotient: This wasn’t as summery as I remembered, though it earns a 3 off of the strength of the festival scenes alone.

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Worth owning along with the rest of the excellent Season 3—in fact you should own all of Gilmore Girls (yes, even the last season)!

THE 25 GREATEST TV MOMS: THE FINAL 5

We've reached the grand finale of our countdown of the 25 Greatest TV Moms!  The last five ladies on the list are all near and dear to my heart and have provided hours of entertainment over the years.  Let's see if you agree with my choices--enjoy!

5. Emily Gilmore
Show: Gilmore Girls

Lorelai Gilmore may be the cool mom who you want to be friends with, but Emily Gilmore is the TV mom I most want to watch.  Yes, she has firm ideas about what’s right and wrong, proper and improper.  But it’s the strength of her convictions that make Emily so entertaining, whether she’s bossing around maids or planning one of her famous parties.  Emily was the one who engineered the show’s Friday Night Dinners as a way of reaffirming her relationship with her daughter and granddaughter, and more than once she displayed her softer side in her efforts to connect with free-spirited Lorelai.  She’s the perfect combination of bitchy and tender, a sharp dresser with an even sharper tongue.  That’s my kind of mother!

Episode to Watch: “Emily in Wonderland”
Emily visits her daughter and granddaughter on their home turf of Stars Hollow.

4. Edina Monsoon
Show: Absolutely Fabulous

Edina, trapped in a state of perpetual adolescence, is mothered by her own daughter.  Saffron provides the lectures, cleans up Eddy’s messes, and reminds her to pay the bills.  There isn’t a holiday or birthday that Eddy doesn’t forget, and she’s never shy about insulting Saffy’s appearance, choice of friends, or life path.  Eddy and Saffy’s screwed-up mother-daughter dynamic is one of the best ever shown on screen, hilarious and dysfunctional but not lacking in love.  Eddy’s a mess but she still loves Saffy, and Saffy still loves Eddy despite her years of neglect, and it’s this undercurrent (however faint) of love that redeems them both.

Episode to Watch: “Paris”
Eddy and Saffy head to Paris for a mother-daughter fashion shoot, but their different styles of tourism clash.

3. Ida Morgenstern
Show: The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Ida was a strong contender for the number one spot on this list.  Few actresses have ever better epitomized the Jewish mother archetype than Nancy Walker.  Ida was fiercely loving of her daughters (and her daughter’s friend Mary).  She was also overbearing, constantly matchmaking and a master of the guilt trip.  Only Ida could gift and then guilt Mary into wearing two scarves at once to prove she liked both equally, or barge into Lou Grant’s office (and mistake him for Murray).  Her diminutive size didn’t prevent her from bulldozing everyone around her—but she just wants you to be happy, okay?  And she knows a very nice man who would be perfect for you…

Episode to Watch: “Support Your Local Mother”
Rhoda refuses to see her mom when she visits, so Ida stays with Mary instead and quickly drives her crazy by treating her like a surrogate daughter

2. Roseanne Conner
Show: Roseanne

Roseanne may not be refined, or soft, or sweet but what she was was real.  She stressed over having enough money to pay the bills.  She worked a series of crappy jobs (waitress, telemarketer, hair sweeper-upper) to make ends meet.  Her house wasn’t the cleanest or her kids super well behaved.  She wasn’t above playing Halloween pranks on her own family or yelling at them. She was also the kind of mom you could count on to forgive your mistakes and always welcome you back home.  We would all be lucky to have a mom like Roseanne, warts and all.

Episode to Watch: “Home Ec”
Roseanne gives Becky’s home ec class a lesson in real world household management (it involves meatloaf).

1. Marie Barone
Show: Everybody Loves Raymond

I’ve noticed a running theme with all of my top five choices.  All of them manage to be both maddening and entirely lovable at the same time. All of them would be overbearing in real life but make for great TV viewing.  I debated over making Roseanne or Ida my number one choice, but when I remembered Marie Barone there was no hesitation.  Marie is the ultimate mother in all senses of the word.  She doesn’t just love her family—she smothers them in love.  She inserts herself into every aspects of their lives and voices her opinion on everything.  She does all of the above with a certain lack of self-awareness, so it becomes nearly impossible for her family to call her out on her actions.  After all, she’s doing it all in the name of love!  And despite their protestations, countless episodes proved that everyone in the Barone clan was ultimately jockeying for her approval.  She’s the unquestioned matriarch, the sun around which the family revolves and the reason why Everybody Loves Raymond was such a classic.

Episode to Watch: “Marie’s Vision”
When Marie gets glasses she starts to notice little things about her family—and they scramble to try and escape her criticisms.  

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there, real and fictional!

THE 25 GREATEST TV MOMS, PART 2

Welcome back to Part 2 of my list of the 25 Greatest TV Moms!  Without further ado, let's get to the list...

15. Phyllis Lindstrom
Show: The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Long before Amy Poehler played the “cool mom” in Mean Girls, there was Phyllis Lindstrom.  Phyllis was an enlightened 70s supermom: she had her daughter Bess call her by her first name, talked openly about their feelings, and even let Bess perform in a middle school production of Hair (they played the nude scenes with their clothes on).  But the real joke was that behind her efforts to play it cool Phyllis was as neurotic and overprotective as any other mother.

Episode to Watch: “The Birds…and…um…Bess”  
Phyllis turns to Mary when it comes time to tell daughter Bess about the facts of life.

14.Thelma Harper
Show: Mama’s Family & The Carol Burnett Show

After posting her picture online in honor of Mother’s Day, I was thrilled to discover how much people still love and remember Mama.  Spinning out the popular Carol Burnett Show skits, Mother Harper (played by the significantly younger and uber-talented Vicki Lawrence) ruled the roost.  She was constantly putting her children, daughter-in-law and nephew in their place but when the chips are down who wouldn’t want Mama on their side?  Her particular brand of crotchety common sense reminds me of another icon of mine: Judge Judy!

Episode to Watch: “Mama Gets Goosed”
Mama plans on killing a live goose for Christmas dinner, much to her family’s dismay.

13. Endora
Show: Bewitched

If I was doing a list of TV’s greatest mother-in-laws Endora would have to be number one.  While she gave her son-in-law hell, Endora was actually a great mother to daughter Samantha.  She always challenged Samantha to aim higher and not to abandon her magical heritage.  Think of what a boring show Bewitched would have been without Endora causing trouble! She was also separated (divorced?) from Sam’s father Maurice, making her something of a feminist TV pioneer: a powerful, liberated, single mother.

Episode to Watch: “Trick or Treat”
On Halloween Endora transforms herself into a trick-or-treater (played by a young Maureen McCormick!) and curses what’s-his-name.

12. Aunt Bee
Show: The Andy Griffith Show

Aunt Bee is the second “mom” on the list who isn’t biologically a mother, but anyone who watched The Andy Griffith Show knows just how wonderful a surrogate mother she was to Andy, Opie and even Barney.  Slightly ditzy but full of heart, Bee was the beating heart of Mayberry.  I for one would kill to be invited to one of her Sunday suppers… minus the pickles, of course.

Episode to Watch: “The Pickle Story”
Aunt Bee’s loved ones can’t bring themselves to tell her that her homemade pickles taste atrocious and go to great lengths to protect her feelings.

11. Lorelai Gilmore
Show: Gilmore Girls

Lorelai Gilmore is the cool mom that Phyllis Lindstrom longed to be.  Of all the moms on this list Lorelai is probably closest to her kid; their relationship was more like that of sisters than mother and daughter.  At times Lorelai’s expectations and attempts to keep others out of their lives bordered on the pathological, but at the end of the day she’s a model single mother who got her daughter to the Ivy League and simultaneously became a successful businesswoman, and she did it (mostly) on her own terms.  

Episode to Watch: “Road Trip to Harvard”
After ditching her fiancé Lorelai takes daughter Rory on an inspirational trip to Harvard.

10. Lucille Bluth
Show: Arrested Development

Don’t get me wrong: Lucille Bluth is a terrible mother.  She’s monstrously selfish, hard-drinking, and highly critical.  Her adult children are a mess of neuroses, insecurities, and resentment as a result of her “style” of parenting.  Still, Lucille makes for some damn good TV, as she’ll stop at nothing to get her way and her children are her favorite pawns.  The most recent season of Arrested Development hinted at some growth for Lucille, but I personally hope she keeps up her evil ways in the future.

Episode to Watch: “My Mother the Car”
In which Lucille exploits her own son’s head injury to guilt him into getting closer to her and turn him against his siblings.

9. Charlotte Pickles
Show: Rugrats

Rugrats showed us several different modes of motherhood, as displayed by child-psychology addict Didi and feminist bruiser Betty.  However workaholic Charlotte will always be my favorite.  Charlotte always had her cell phone glued to her ear, barking orders at beleaguered assistant Jonathan and doing her mothering in short, concentrated bursts.  She left the majority of the parenting to her husband, which I always thought was rather neat.  Plus she wore a really killer blazer-skirt combo that Ally McBeal herself would lust after.

Episode to Watch: “Mommy’s Little Assets”
Charlotte brings Angelica and the babies to work with her, with both disastrous and surprising results.

8. Kate Gosselin
Shows: Jon & Kate Plus 8 & Kate Plus 8

Okay, I know Kate Gosselin is probably going to my most controversial choice, especially at #8.  I’m not endorsing her televised exploitation of her children or her bitchy behavior, but I also just can’t get enough of watching of her.  I’ve written before that Kate’s brand of suburb bitchery is right up my alley and no one can deny that when it comes to motherhood or her marriage, Kate makes for some memorable not-so-guilty pleasure TV.  I can't wait to see her on Celebrity Apprentice (I'll feel actually guilty about watching that one, but I can't stay away!).

Episode to Watch: “Shopping for Ten”
Kate memorably emasculates then-husband Jon while Christmas shopping at Toys’r’Us.

7. Sophia Petrillo
Show: Golden Girls

If Kate Gosselin’s inclusion on this list proves controversial, Sophia Petrillo not making the Top 5 may also rub some people the wrong way.  Despite her tiny frame Sophia dominated her daughter Dorothy; she was the ultimate truth teller, and her little old lady appearance let her get away with saying and doing a lot of otherwise shocking things.  Despite being described as a “vindictive little sea monkey” by her own daughter, you never once doubted the fierce maternal love that lay beneath Sophia’s acid disposition.  

Episode to Watch: “The Housekeeper”
Sophia is actually absent for most of this episode, which shows that things can go quickly go off the rails without her around.  When she does arrive back home she quickly cuts through the bullshit.

6. Helen Morgendorffer
Show: Daria

Like Charlotte Pickles, Helen Morgendorffer does not have a good work-life balance.  Also like Charlotte, Helen is usually seen on the phone or on her way out the door, heading to her job as a lawyer (maybe she worked at one point with Clair Huxtable?!). Unlike Charlotte, however, Helen makes more of an effort to connect to her two teen daughters, whether it’s mandated family dinners (with frozen lasagnas or husband Jake doing the cooking) or concentrated interrogations.  At the end of the day, however, Helen really was a great mom who genuinely cared for her family and managed to be there for them when it counted, despite her heavy workload. 

Episode to Watch: “Psycho Therapy”
Up for partner at her firm, Helen drags her family for a weekend of psychoanalysis, where she must own up to some of her failings as a mother.

Check back tomorrow when I reveal the Top 5!

TWENTY-ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER

Gilmore Girls
Season 6 (2005)

Not many WB shows can boast former Secretary of State Madeline Albright as a guest star, but Gilmore Girls was a classy kind of show (Christiane Amanpour and Norman Mailer also logged guest appearances during the show's run)   Early on in this Season 6 episode Rory has a dream in which Madeline shows up to wish her a happy birthday, just one of many reasons to love this birthday bonanza.  

This episode of Gilmore Girls ranks in my Top 25 list for many reasons.  It takes place during one of my favorite seasons, during which Lorelai and Rory were estranged, Lorelai and Luke were engaged, and Rory was living with her grandparents (aka “The Pool House Era”). This episode marks the beginning of their reconciliation, showcases Emily Gilmore at her absolute bitchy best and a trademark lavish Gilmore party.  It’s also the show’s one true Halloween episode, though the Halloween-related scenes are minor (and I’ll keep them in reserve for an October post).  A dollhouse is even featured in the opening scene—all of my favorite things in one episode!

Rory’s 21st birthday is fast approaching, and both mother and daughter are feeling blue.  For years they planned to be in Atlantic City, playing blackjack at midnight and then buying 21 souvenirs and kissing 21 men.  Now, however, they’re not even speaking.  Emily offers to throw Rory a party, and we’re treated to scenes of invitation selection, cake-tasting and Emily ordering around the hired help (always a treat).

Amidst the elaborate party preparations Emily and Richard suspect that Rory is sleeping with her boyfriend Logan. They invite their pastor over to awkwardly interrogate Rory over dinner, a memorable and hilarious scene in which she reveals that the ship has long since sailed in terms of her virginity. 

The party itself takes up the final third of the episode, and it’s a real treat.  Everyone shows up, including “Rory’s Asian friend” (as Emily insists on calling Lane), Paris, Logan, Lorelai and Luke.  Lorelai feels awkward at her own daughter’s party, interacting with Rory’s new middle-aged DAR friends and drinking the signature cocktail, a pink concoction named “the Rory” that Luke describes as tasting like a liquefied My Little Pony.  While Richard sulks in his study and fights with Emily over Rory’s lack of direction, Lorelai and Luke end up leaving early.

Proudly Presenting the Rory!

All parties can be judged by the guests, the food, and the general ambiance, and Rory’s 21st birthday bash delivers on all three counts.  There’s lots of familial drama and awkward interactions between guests.  There is also a lot of emphasis on and discussion about the party’s “chocolate boxes” (which are apparently exactly what they sound like—a sort of dessert/favor for all of the guests), the Rory cocktail and the catered sushi.  Finally, for ambiance there’s the gorgeous Gilmore mansion and Emily’s sparkling silver blouse.  

And for the record, I would LOVE to sip a Rory while attending an Emily Gilmore soiree.  The pinker the drink the better!

Birthday Quotient: 4

See It, Skip It, Own It?
All of Gilmore Girls is worth watching and owning—but feel free to skip Season 7.

A DEEP-FRIED KOREAN THANKSGIVING

Gilmore Girls
Season 3 (2002)

I have to give credit where credit is due: my mom and sister discovered and loved Gilmore Girls long before I did.  I didn’t get their obsessive love of the show, which involved lots of heated discussions about characters and at least one Gilmore Girls-themed party.  I very slowly warmed up to it, however, watching it piecemeal until Nick and I took the plunge and watched the entire show in order.  I’m a full convert now and spend my days wishing I could escape to Stars Hollow.  And the character of Emily Gilmore has been canonized in my personal house of worship and is also currently my desktop image on my work computer.

This Thanksgiving episode embodies what makes the show so fun, namely a lot of quirky characters, sharp dialogue and an idyllic setting.  In typical Gilmore Girls fashion Lorelai and Rory have committed to three Thanksgiving dinners.  When Emily literally sneaks up on Lorelai (a very funny scene in which Lorelai, not realizing her mother is standing directly behind her, compares her to Stalin) they add a fourth meal to their roster.  

A decapitated chocolate turkey & Mrs. Kim

First up is the religious Kim household, where the menu is vegetarian and Mrs. Kim is her awesomely curt self.  Then it’s off to Luke’s diner for a home-cooked meal with Luke and Rory’s surly boyfriend Jess (I'm Team Logan all the way). After that they head to friend Sookie’s front yard, where Sookie is dismayed at her husband and his rowdy family's plan to deep-fry a turkey.  She eventually gets drunk to cope as they deep-fry whatever they can get their hands on, including but not limited to cake and a napkin.  Never forget that Melissa McCarthy, who plays Sookie, was doing a kick-ass job on Gilmore Girls before her major modern-day fame!

Man vs. Turkey

The final meal is with the senior Gilmores, Emily and Richard, and some of their typically pompous friends (one of whom only speaks French).   It includes a ceremonial turkey carving, during which Richard slices off just one piece of meat before the turkey is ushered back in to the kitchen by a team of maids.  Ugh, Richard!  During the course of that ill-fated dinner it’s revealed that Rory applied to schools other than Harvard, causing Lorelai to flip out and blame her parents for manipulating her daughter away from her lifelong dream.  Lorelai’s over-the-top reaction is irrational and irritating.  Who doesn’t apply to multiple colleges?  Besides, I automatically side with Emily on everything.  Emily knows best!

Emily rings my bell

It’s a very enjoyable episode; while screen capping images for this post I pretty much wanted to screen cap the whole thing.  I love the contrast between the different meals (how many Seventh Day Adventist Thanksgiving dinners do we get to see portrayed on TV?).  The subplots, such as Paris being annoyed at not being able to secure a soup kitchen volunteer spot and Kirk being terrorized by his cat (also named Kirk) add a lot of humor as well.  Plus, despite her emotional faux pas, at least Lorelai knows enough to know that chocolate turkeys make the best Thanksgiving hostess gifts.

The aftermath: deep-fried turkey carcass and drunk Sookie

Recurring Themes: Another case of Multiple Meals.

The Menu: Chocolate Turkeys, Tofurkey, Deep-Fried Turkey, Regular Turkey, Canned Cranberry Sauce, Stuffing, All the Trimmings, Margaritas & Lots of Rolls

Thanksgiving Quotient: It would be a 5 on the basis of just the episode itself but as  Thanksgiving is a bit overshadowed by several running storylines it earns a 4.

See It, Skip It, Own It?
Own it and enjoy it every year!