DICK PUTS THE ID IN CUPID

3rd Rock from the Sun
Season 5 (2000)

Before 30 Rock there was 3rd Rock from the Sun-- though the two shows actually have absolutely nothing in common save for each having a “3” and “Rock” in their titles.  I discovered 3rd Rock from the Sun in reruns (RIP, UPN) and despite the silly premise of aliens posing as a human family it’s a very enjoyable show, bolstered by excellent performances and quirky supporting characters.  As the equal parts ego-maniacal and utterly naïve Dick Solomon, John Lithgow is pretty genius and the always funny Jane Curtin as Dick’s beleaguered girlfriend Dr. Mary Albright is equally delightful.  

I can't get enough of Valentine's Day-themed wrapping paper pics!

3rd Rock from the Sun delivered quite a few holiday episodes over the course of its run, including Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving and New Year’s shows.  This Season 5 Valentine’s Day offering is a bit uneven, as it features three different story lines  of varying quality, but all related to the holiday.  The first story concerns Dick’s discovery that his girlfriend Mary is in therapy.  He books a session with the same therapist (SNL alum Ana Gaesteyer) and spies on Mary’s files in order to buy her the perfect Valentine’s Day gift.  Mary is thrilled with the sentimental gift but horrified when she learns of Dick’s methods, culminating in a shared emergency Valentine’s Day therapy session.

Beware cops bringing bouquets

The episode’s best storyline concerns Sally and her cop boyfriend Don.  Don leaves Sally flowers and a Valentine from a “secret admirer,” which she misinterprets as being from a crazed stalker who wants her literal heart on Valentine’s Day.  Embarrassed, Don pretends to pursue the fictional stalker until finally having to admit that he’s been the suspected pervert all along.

Note the roses, chocolates, card & mug on the side table.  Valentine's Day done right!

Finally teen Tommy has booked a hotel room for Valentine’s Day, planning on losing his virginity to his girlfriend Alissa (played by Alex Mack, AKA Larisa Oleynik, herself!).  When he learns Alissa isn’t a virgin he ends up having sex with Mary’s visiting niece for practice.  Thinking Alissa will be thrilled, he is surprised when she of course freaks out, leaving him to watch Pay-Per-View porn in the hotel room by himself.

There is a weird emphasis on sandwiches in this episode.  Dick talks about how last Valentine’s Day his gift to Mary was a ham sandwich, and Sally plans on giving Don a ham sandwich as well.  When the niece shows up she asks Tommy to make her a sandwich prior to them having sex, and then he eats a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while she tells him that she’s turned on by “food, clothing and shelter.” In other words, depending on your own level of perviness,  this episode will either make you hungry or turn you on or both.

Pretty much every episode of the show relied on the characters being confused by some Earth custom, whether it’s Valentine’s Day or utensils or love. Even the whole “slutty rebellious visiting teenage niece” is a tried and true sitcom trope. Despite the predictability of the formula, it’s all rather charming thanks to the solid performances.  And who could have guessed that Joseph Gordon-Levitt would graduate from horny alien teenager to genuine movie star?!

Recurring Themes: Dick goes to great lengths during his Perfect Gift Search.

Valentine’s Day Quotient: While all three of the storylines are connected to the holiday in some way, some of the connections are tenuous at best, averaging out to a 3.

See It, Skip It, Own It?
The Sally and Don storyline is by far the best and most holiday-centric, but the rest of the episode is just so-so.  Feel free to skip this one.