THE GHOST STORY (AKA ZEKE THE PLUMBER)

Salute Your Shorts

Season 1 (1991)

I am lucky enough to have grown up in the Golden Age of Nickelodeon, an embarrassment of riches in terms of kid TV shows.  Salute Your Shorts was my favorite among the live-action offerings (Rugrats takes the best animated show award and I will happily debate any of you about these choices).  Since Salute Your Shorts took place entirely at a summer camp the writers were hard-pressed to include holiday episodes, but in lieu of a proper Halloween episode they came up with this spooky alternative (a tried and true TV tradition).  They even found a way to sneak in a jack o’lantern.

Ug, scary story time and some taper candles.

The campers get together for a scary story night during which Budnick tells the tale of former Camp Anawanna janitor-plumber Zeke.  Having lost his nose and sense of smell due to an unfortunate parrot incident Zeke couldn’t detect a gas leak until it was too late, lighting a match and blowing himself to smithereens.  Now he haunts campers’ dreams with his cursed plunger.  Having touched the plunger, Telly and Michael both have nightmares about Zeke.  Oh, Nickelodeon!  Such halcyon days full of childlike wonder and

OHMYGODWHATTHEFUCKISTHISHELPMEGODMAKEITGOAWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, Zeke is fucking terrifying.  He’s like the deranged lovechild of Freddy Krueger and Leatherface with some clown elements thrown in for good measure.  This episode is forever etched into the traumatized brains of those of us who first saw it as kids, so much so that it’s often erroneously titled just “Zeke the Plumber” online. The reason that the Nick shows of the 90s are so timeless and superior to modern kid shows is that they were smart, dark and never played down to their audience.  Zeke makes this episode genuinely scary and it vacillates between goofy comedy and adult horror-movie level frights with ease.

Anyhoo, the campers and Ug band together to scare Budnick.  He agrees to camp out on the spot where Zeke blew up and then thwarts their efforts to spook him (including one hilarious scene in which the girls knock a melon off a Budnick dummy and freak out).  Donkeylips even dons a jack o’lantern mask (because they have those lying around summer camps) and runs around the woods for most of the episode, unable to see.  Ug almost gets the better of Budnick when he shows up dressed like Zeke but the tables are turned once again and he ends swinging upside down from a tree.  But Budnick finally gets his comeuppance when his fear of spiders proves his downfall (a fear that is not-so-subtly broadcast about 20 times throughout the episode).

The gang's all here!

And now, because no one requested it, here is my idea of where all of the characters would be today.  Dina is obviously starring on the Real Housewives: Camp edition.  Telly joined the WNBA and came out (better late than never).  Ug lives in his parents’ basement.  Z.Z. has her own green products company and is best friends with Ed Begley, Jr.  Donkeylips died after chugging too much beer during a frat party.  Michael and Ronnie both got 9 to 5 jobs, married (not each other), had kids and moved to the suburbs (because they’re the boring characters no cares about).  Sponge made big money in video game design and then retired at 25, buying and running Camp Anawanna for fun.  And finally, after stints in juvie and prison, the only job Budnick could find was working as a counselor at the camp, becoming the thing he hates the most: the new Ug.

One more scare, for good measure!

Halloween Quotient: My heart wants me to give this a 5 but since it’s technically not a Halloween episode I am resigned to a 4.

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Luckily this is one a handful of episodes available for sale on Amazon and iTunes; do yourself and the world a favor and go buy all of the episodes available in the hopes that Nickelodeon will notice and give us a proper DVD release.