BAR WARS III: THE RETURN OF TECUMESH

Cheers
Season 8 (1990)

My viewing of Cheers been scattershot and confined to Diane-centric episodes, as the character of Diane Chambers is, in my not-so-humble opinion, the show’s best asset. I’ve never ventured past Season 5, after which Shelley Long famously departed the show and was replaced by Kirstie Alley. Despite the switch, Cheers successfully went on for several more seasons, but my suspicions were confirmed after watching this Season 6 episode that a Diane-less Cheers is not a place where I want to go (nor does everyone know my name, but that’s a separate issue).

It makes sense that a show set in a bar would have several St. Patrick’s Day episodes.  This is part of a series of “Bar Wars” episodes that played out over the course of several seasons; at least one other one was set on St. Patrick’s Day and another on Halloween.  All of them involve an ongoing prank war with rival bar Gary’s Old Time Tavern.  

Cliff isn't wearing green in this picture!  Somebody pinch him!

The first ten minutes of this episode are quite promising, and brimming with St. Patty’s Day cheer.  Carla is even wearing shamrock earrings!  Rebecca has a very 90s green bow in her hair and pulls out a box of decorations (all of which have the bar’s name misspelled as “Chees”).  There are orders of Irish coffees and Frasier says that St. Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland is a Freudian dream.  Unfortunately after ten very festive minutes the holiday is over and we’re left with a stale “prank war” plot.

After the barflies notice that their cigar store Indian mascot (the titular Tecumesh) has gone missing, they suspect Gary’s Old Time Tavern.  They pull a prank of their own, only for Rebecca to reveal that she sent the Indian out for refinishing.  Fearing retaliation for their unprovoked prank, they decide to prank themselves first (their logic is fuzzy at best).  The episode ends with several of the guys getting Mohawks in the shape of Gary’s name—but then it’s revealed that Gary has been out of town and his bar closed the entire time.

Despite the very fun beginning, the rest of the episode is a reminder of why I avoided Cheers for a long time (before I discovered the delights of Diane): too many dopey male characters acting like dopes.  Middle-aged bros playing pranks is not my idea of a good time, nor does it have anything to do with St. Patrick’s Day.  Save your prank war episodes for April Fool’s Day or even Halloween; I’ll stick to the Irish coffees and the shamrock earrings.

St. Patrick’s Day Quotient: It would be higher if the whole episode lived up to the promising beginning, forcing me to give it a 3.

See It, Skip It, Own It?
See the first ten minutes (streaming now on Netflix) and skip the rest.

Drink Up!