FILM FOCUS: MOM'S GOT A DATE WITH A VAMPIRE

This past summer the Disney Channel ran a marathon of all of their made-for-TV movies.  Of course I recorded and stockpiled all of the holiday-themed ones, and now that it’s October I’m finally able to start watching them.  I love a good Disney Channel original movie (or rather a so-bad-it’s-good movie), but I actually haven’t seen as many of these as I’d presumed.  Rather I just feel like I’ve seen them all, probably due to absorbing countless commercials for them over the years while watching other shows.  So while I was familiar with Mom’s Got a Date with a Vampire, this was my first time actually watching it.

The big draw here for me aside from the Halloween theme was Caroline Rhea, who I loved in her role as Aunt Hilda in Sabrina the Teenage Witch.  And I just find her generally likeable, and enjoy that she can never hide her Canadian accent no matter the role she may be playing.  The rest of the cast is impressive as well: Mr. Sheffield (Charles Shaughnessy) from The Nanny plays the titular vampire, while the dad (Robert Carradine) from Lizzie McGuire plays a vampire hunter.

I’ll try to keep the plot recap to a minimum: Caroline Rhea is a harried single mom with three kids.  The two older kids answer a personal ad on their mom’s behalf, figuring if she’s out on a date they’ll be free to sneak themselves.  Of course, just by reading the title of the thing you know Mom’s date turns out to be a vampire and so the kids and a semi-helpful vampire hunter must rescue her, all in the course of one night.

At a trim hour and a half (with commercials) this still lagged a bit, as the kids chased Mom and her vampire date around town, from a restaurant to a rockabilly dance club (more on that soon!), a harvest festival and then finally a lakeside mansion.  Of course the ending is a happy one, with Mom using the power of maternal love to break out her trance just in time to save her kids and seal the vampire back in his coffin.  The real fun here is in the Halloween details, which aren’t as omnipresent as I’d hoped.  But there are still lots of little Halloweeny things to appreciate, so let’s delve in.

By far the best scene of the entire movie was when Mom and the kids first met Mr. Vampire (aka Wolfsbane aka Dimitri) in a supermarket.  Sounds tame, I know, but this is THE GREATEST SUPERMARKET EVER.  Inside and out it is decorated to the max, mostly with these beloved Halloween die-cuts that my family also had when I was a kid.  You know the ones I’m talking about:

I had such fun identifying these decorations throughout the supermarket scene, and besides die-cuts galore the place boasted hay bales, jack-o-lanterns and a display of “Frankenstein cereal” (because Franken Berry is trademarked): 

When I was a kid going to the supermarket around Halloween and Christmas was such a treat, seeing all of the decorations and special displays.  I feel like stores don’t go as all out as they once did, and I miss those life-size cardboard cut-outs of Elvira hawking root beer or faux red-brick cardboard fireplaces at Christmastime.  This scene really made the movie for me, especially since outside of the supermarket scene the Halloween decorations were basically null.  There was nary a pumpkin on a porch for the rest of the movie, making me wonder if they decided to throw in the Halloween theme at the last minute, for just this one scene.

Which isn’t to say there wasn’t plenty of spooky stuff, because there was.  One of the kids is obsessed with a band called the Headless Horsemen, and wears a nifty Headless Horseman tee-shirt throughout (at one point it’s revealed his closet is nothing but this same tee-shirt in different shades).

Mom and Mr. Vampire have dinner at Renfield’s, a nice shout-out to the character of the same name in the original Dracula novel.  The Harvest Festival scene, however, despite its promising name, fell far short of the one portrayed on Parks & Recreation.  Aside from reusing some of the same hay bales and jack-o-lanterns seen in the supermarket, it was just a bunch of non-descript carnival rides and mud.  I noticed that the ground was basically one giant puddle, and some quick internet research revealed the movie was filmed in Canada and they mostly couldn’t show the actors’ feet due to the mud and water.

There’s one last thing worth discussing about Mom’s Got a Date with a Vampire, and that’s the aforementioned rockabilly dance club scene.  For the unfamiliar, rockabilly is sort of a countryish 50s rock subgenre.  First off, a rockabilly dance club is a really random thing to have in a Disney Channel movie aimed at preteens.  The scene featured a real-life rockabilly band called The Royal Crowns, and they play several songs.  Part of Mom’s backstory is that she was once a singer in a band, so she ends up stage to sing.  I’ve never known Caroline Rhea to sing in any of her roles, so I was surprised—until she started singing in a totally different woman’s voice.  I mean, they didn’t even try to find someone who sounds remotely like Caroline Rhea.  It’s definitely up there as one of the worst dubbed scenes I’ve seen (and since I watch a lot of made-for-TV and B-movies, I’ve seen some doozies over the years).  But it’s exactly cheesy scenes like these that make this type of movie so much fun.

So while this could have been a lot heavier on the Halloween theme, there’s a lot of fun to be had, especially if, like me, you’re a fan of 90s sitcom stars, supermarket decorations and rockabilly.

Rock on, Mom!

MADE-FOR-TV CHRISTMAS MOVIES

One of the things I love most about Christmastime TV is the relentless influx of made-for-TV Christmas movies!  ABC Family, the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime are the biggest purveyors of these seasonal treats, and the number of new movies seems to grow with each passing year.

While a big reader I’ve never cottoned to the romance genre, thanks to the predictability and formulaic nature of the stories.  And yet I am such a sucker for these made-for-TV movies, which, let’s be frank, are just romance novels, minus the sex and with a Christmas theme.  Watch enough of these and you quickly learn there are only about 5 basic plots, and even those can be boiled down to one essential storyline, of girl meets boy.

Here are my pitches for next year’s slate of made-for-TV Christmas movies.  Full scripts are available upon request for all of you television moguls out there!  In terms of casting, for the lead female roles, picture any former member of the original cast of 90210.  For the male leads, picture some unknown Canadian actor who once had a walk-on role on Scrubs.

Executive Assistant Under the Mistletoe

As a girl, Polly loved Christmas.  That is until both of her parents were killed by a runaway sleigh.  Now Polly cares only about her career as an assistant to domineering Rebecca Van Du Pool.  Polly spends her nights dreaming of replacing Rebecca as New York’s premiere interior design party perfumer, but spends her days fetching lattes. When handsome billionaire Geoffrey Jones, heir to his family’s mistletoe plantation fortune, hires Rebecca to scent his annual Christmas Eve Charity Drive, Polly finds herself working side by side with Geoff making bundles of mistletoe for the upcoming gala.  But a scheming Rebecca has also set her sights on their client, resulting in a Christmas party with more than one couple ending up under the mistletoe!

Guess Whose Fake Fiancé Isn’t Coming for Dinner?

Erin Chambers’ family never understood her or her decision to leave their cozy log cabin compound for the Big City.  Dreading her annual trip home for the holidays, Erin has hired handsome out-of-work actor Bryce McCallister to play the role of her fiancé and deflect her parents’ pesky questions about why she still isn’t married.  But when Bryce is stuck in an elevator, at the last minute Erin recruits Salvation Army bell-ringer Santos Tomas to fill in for her fake fiancé. Santos soon charms the Chambers Family and Erin finds herself drawn to the sultry South American.  But what will happen when Bryce finally escapes the elevator and shows up to woo his ersatz betrothed?!

Substitute Santa’s Second Cousin

No-nonsense city planner and professional orphan Margo Klausenberg is all work and no play, though she still secretly yearns for a family to spend the holidays with.  When Santa comes down with a bad case of shingles (caused by exposure to actual roof shingles), Margo discovers that she is Kris Kringle's second cousin and needs to fill his boots this Christmas!  Soon Margo’s office has been invaded by overly-helpful elves who are insisting she take up the family business, while her handsome co-worker Nick Frost (secretly the son of Jack Frost) wants to nip her nose.

The Princess’s Royal Christmas Wedding Ball

After unemployed Anya answers an ad in the paper for a job nannying for three precocious children, she soon finds herself swept off to the tiny European kingdom of Translomoravia.  As the castle staff prepares for the annual Christmas Ball, Anya bonds with the widowed king’s unruly children—and finds herself falling in love with their handsome older brother, the prince.  But a scheming duchess also has her sights set on the prince, culminating in a royal Christmas Ball with a matrimonial twist!

A Town Called Candyland

Arrogant reporter Miles has always wanted to be the country’s top reporter, but finds himself relegated to human interest puff pieces.  A blizzard strands him in the small town of Candyland, Ohio, known for its annual life-size gingerbread house contest. Miles finds himself slowly drawn into the townsfolk’s holiday rituals.  Local bakery owner and single mom to sixteen adopted children Sarah Plain also catches his eye.  But Miles’ scheming meteorologist girlfriend isn’t giving him up with a fight, culminating in a gingerbread bake-off that no one will ever forgot!

The 12 Days and 24 Nights of Karen Christmas

Brittle businesswoman Karen Kristofferson long ago chose her career over love.  On Christmas Eve she’s hit on the head by an icicle and when she wakes up she’s in alternate reality where she married her high school sweetheart and must now relive Christmas every day until she finally understands the true meaning of the holiday before the time loop loosens the fabric of reality and destroys time and space as we know it.  She also has to sing a solo at the local alternate reality Christmas pageant.

So there you have it!  Look for all of the above premiering on your TV screens starting early November 2016!

TROPE TRACKER: RAG DOLL, TINA TURNER & CLEOPATRA COSTUMES

One of the things I love about obsessively watching and re-watching holiday-themed TV episodes is that patterns start to emerge. Rather than fault it as a lack of creativity on the part of sitcom writers, I find these tropes oddly reassuring, as if all sitcoms take place in a shared universe and are linked by their similarities. Obviously most Halloween-themed episodes feature characters in costume. Sometimes the episode is merely a showcase for elaborate or clever costumes and sometimes the costumes are a mere afterthought to the storyline. Witches, pirates and vampires abound, but over the years I’ve noticed a few costumes that tend to crop up over and over again.

The first of these, which I've written a bit before in previous posts, is the Rag Doll Costume. We all know Raggedy Ann and Andy, whether from the original dolls or their various animated TV incarnations. They even have their own Halloween special, The Pumpkin Who Wouldn’t Smile. But despite her place in pop culture, Raggedy Ann can hardly be called part of the zeitgeist. She belongs to an earlier generation and yet she makes for a surprisingly popular costume choice in TV sitcoms (whether the costume is meant to be Raggedy Ann specifically or just a generic rag doll is open to debate).

The character of Ann Perkins wears a Rag Doll Costume in the first Halloween-themed Parks and Recreation episode. Ann is hosting a rather lame Halloween party and her choice of costume is obviously intended to echo the dorkiness of the event (plus the whole Ann Perkins = Raggedy Ann thing). Usually the Rag Doll Costume is used in this way, as an example of a lame or embarrassing costume choice.

The grandmother dresses as a rag doll in an episode of Family Matters, but she is the rare exception where the costume doesn’t have a negative connotation. For that we can turn to episodes of both Home Improvement and The Big Bang Theory. In both of these shows the Rag Doll Costume is part of a couple’s costume gone wrong. In Home Improvement Brad’s girlfriend convinces him to dress as Raggedy Andy to her Raggedy Ann, only to show up at the party in a totally different outfit, leaving him trapped in the lame ensemble.

 In a Halloween episode of The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon and his girlfriend argue over their choice of couple costume, resulting in a weird compromise of a Raggedy Andy-C3P0 hybrid:

Another costume that pops up a lot, but specifically on sitcoms with predominantly African-American casts, is that of Tina Turner. The African-American sitcom saw its zenith in the 1990s, which helps explain why Tina Turner was a popular choice (as opposed to now, when her place in pop culture has faded a bit). The Tina Turner costume also gives its wearer the opportunity to do their best Tina Turner impression, which makes for some memorable moments.

Those characters who don the Tina Turner attire include Claire Huxtable on The Cosby Show (and yes, I feel icky even mentioning The Cosby Show these days):

(Side Note: when researching images for this post the first one to pop up was actually from my own blog, which tickled me to no end.)

The character of Gina (center in the photo below) on the show Martin is played by actress Tisha Campbell, who is also an accomplished singer. She makes for an especially good Tina Turner impersonator, seen below in the center:

And finally we’re back to Family Matters once again, with Tina this time filled by the character of Laura, seen here with Urkel as Superman:

But Rag Dolls and Tina Turners pale in comparison to the prevelance of another costume: Cleopatra.  Cleopatra costumes abound in sitcoms from across the decades.  So far I’ve identified 7 different episode/shows that featured a character dressed like Cleopatra for Halloween, including Caroline in the City, Full House, Living Single and Two of a Kind. Denise dresses as Cleopatra in the aforementioned episode of The Cosby Show that also features Claire dressed as Tina Turner: 

The Cleopatra costume has even crossed over to reality TV, as one of the Gosselin girls chooses it as her costume on a Halloween episode of Kate Plus 8.

The most impressive of all of these Cleopatras comes, not surprisingly, from the sitcom Roseanne.  Roseanne is known for its Halloween episodes, and its portrayal of a Cleopatra costume takes the cake.  It’s worn by minor character Vonda Green at a lodge Halloween party in the excellent episode “Trick Me Up, Trick Me Down.”  Besides just being a really great costume with an especially colorful and sparkly headdress, what puts this particular version over the top is the rubber snake dangling from the bodice:

That concludes our look at some of the most popular Halloween costumes in TV Land. As I continue to watch and keep track I’m sure I’ll discover more. Little Bo Beep is fast becoming a contender…

FILM FOCUS: WHEN GOOD GHOULS GO BAD

The Fox Family made-for-TV movie When Good Ghouls Go Bad has long been on my “To Watch” list for many reasons.  It’s based on a book by R.L. Stine, the 90s horror maestro.  It stars Christopher Lloyd, of Back to the Future and Clue fame.  And, judging by the few snippets I was able to view online, it’s brimming with Halloween cheer.  Despite my desire to see it, it’s been a long wait.  It’s available for sale on DVD but I wanted to watch it at least once before adding it to my permanent collection, and it apparently never airs on TV anymore.  Luckily some kind soul put the whole thing up on YouTube and it was my first movie pick of the 2015 Halloween season.

I’m happy to report that it didn’t disappoint!  It never reaches the brilliance of Hocus Pocus (nothing does, but both movies both have “death by school kiln” scenes) or even the campy fun of Halloweentown, but it hit all of the holiday sweet spots.  The plot gets complicated, but I’ll do my best to keep recap it quickly: tween Danny and his dad move back to the small town that’s home to both Danny’s grandfather and the ailing family chocolate factory.  While Danny’s dad ignores him while trying to save the family business, Danny bonds with his fun-loving grandpa (played by Christopher Lloyd), who insists that everyone, even Danny, call him Uncle Fred.

Danny soon learns that Halloween is forbidden in the town due to an incident years earlier involving a Goth kid who was accidentally killed in the school kiln and threatened revenge if the holiday is ever celebrated.  The local football coach and his bully son fanatically enforce the rules, but a series of bizarre events quickly upsets the status quo.  In short order Uncle Fred is killed when a mysterious pile of pumpkins falls on him, then comes back as a friendly zombie to help Danny uncover why Halloween decorations keep appearing all over town.  Danny, his local girl love interest, and zombie Uncle Fred soon run afoul of a host of zombies and angry townspeople and uncover a conspiracy about the real events surrounding the infamous Curtis Danko’s death.

That’s about as concise as I can manage, and I’m leaving out a lot, including weird subplots about German investors, Danny’s dad’s own love interest, magical fireflies, a secret haunted house run by the local kids, an evil statue, and the list goes on and on.  The story isn’t the movie’s greatest strength, but it somehow all makes sense in the end.

Christopher Lloyd can bring gravitas to any situation or dialogue and he anchors the whole thing with a sense of fun.  There are a lot of interesting supporting characters, like Danny’s dad’s kooky secretary, the bully’s mom, and the befuddled mayor and his wife.  At first I was confused by Danny’s love interest, Dayna.  I thought maybe her dialogue was all dubbed, because something was definitely off every time she spoke.  A little internet research revealed that the actress is Australian, and she did a bad job trying to disguise her accent.  The result is a very weird, very distracting cadence.  The movie itself, set in small-town middle America, was shot in Australia but if there were other covert Aussies actors in the cast they did a much better job of keeping their accents at bay.

The Halloween visuals are plentiful.  One of the plot points is that elaborate Halloween decorations keep mysteriously appearing throughout the town, so there lots of shots of lavish holiday décor.  The kids also have the aforementioned secret haunted house, to which they smuggled all of the town’s banned Halloween stuff.  An orange Volkswagen bug even gets done-up as a jack-o-lantern and a very cool cemetery makes repeat appearances. 

What I wasn’t expecting were a few surprisingly profound moments thrown in amid the silliness.  The first such moment occurs when Danny speaks to Dayna after his grandfather’s funeral.  She delivers a beautiful monologue on how the idea of him decomposing in his grave is actually a beautiful thing, a return to the earth, and so on.  (It sounds better when delivered in her weird Aussie-US warble.)  The ending of the movie is also surprisingly moving, with the assembled zombies engaging in a beautiful danse macabre in the graveyard, slowly swirling into dust and clouds. 

Reading up on the movie afterward revealed a real-life tragedy linked to it.  The actor who played Danny went missing in 2006 at the age of 18.  He’s never been found after leaving a poker game with friends.  It definitely casts a pall over the proceedings,  knowing the grim fate of its child star, but as I said the movie actually has a surprisingly deep and nuanced view of death that you wouldn’t expect from a made-for-TV Halloween movie aimed at kids.  Perhaps it's due to the tragic circumstances of its star that When Good Ghouls Go Bad isn’t in heavy rotation every Halloween, but it has a lot going for it and is definitely worth seeking out.

BACK TO SCHOOL BLUES

Full House

Season 3 (1989)

Full House is in the midst of a comeback, similar to the Boy Meets World renaissance that's currently occurring.  I’ve written about my ambivalent feelings for both of these saccharine shows before, but with a recent behind-the-scenes Lifetime TV movie and the new Netflix original series Fuller House, clearly Full House’s fans remain plentiful, just as they were back when the show was first airing.  There aren’t a ton of back-to-school themed sitcom episodes out there, so despite my non-enjoyment-bordering-on-dislike for the show I decided to give this episode a try.

We begin with D.J.’s first day of seventh grade, and Stephanie’s first day of second grade.  Now that she’s in junior high, D.J. will be at a different school than her sister, much to Stephanie’s dismay and D.J.’s delight.  D.J. and her best friend Kimmy are ready to dive in to their new mature existence as junior high schoolers, but things go predictably wrong for them.  The upperclassmen look and act intimidating and call them “shrubs.”  Their former classmate grew boobs over the summer. Kimmy and D.J. are on different schedules, so, in the episode’s saddest moment, D.J. is forced to eat lunch alone in a phone booth, pretending to talk to someone while really just calling for the time.  The coup de grâce is that D.J. is wearing the exact same "tan slacks and vest with white tennis shoes" ensemble as a dorky teacher.

I could relate to most of these scenarios.  My junior high and elementary schools were one and the same, so I didn’t have that culture shock feeling of starting somewhere new until high school.  However I did once wear almost the same necklace as my high school yearbook advisor (yes, I wore a lot of necklaces back in the day).  And there was a kid in my freshman class who seriously looked about 25 years old, while I looked about 12, just like a kid with a mustache who D.J. marvels at in this episode.  But I never did eat lunch in a phone booth. 

Traumatized by their first day of school, D.J. and Kimmy try to make up for their mistakes the next morning by slathering on makeup and dressing like 1980s hookers.  Of course D.J. is stopped on her way out the door by her dad and two dopey surrogate dads.  We are then subjected to one of the many scenes that make Full House so irritating: a heart-to-heart between Danny and his daughter where he babbles on and on against a backdrop of sappy music until D.J. sees the error of her ways.

Naturally there’s a happy ending, as D.J. and Kimmy embrace their inner selves, which I guess involves dressing like neon highlighters.  Kimmy gets her schedule changed so they can eat lunch together, and D.J. kinda sorta tells off the older mean girls (who call her a shrub anyway). 

Obviously the plot is mind-numbingly predictable and every time I watch this show Bob Saget and the bad child acting sends me into a near-rage.  Seriously, you can see the struggle behind the eyes of the various kids as they try to remember their lines.  The Olson Twins, in their shared role of Michelle, luckily have only a very small part in this episode, as Michelle is still in pre-school and therefore exempt from the back-to-school drama.  But Michelle’s few lines, meant to be oh-so-cute, are teeth grindingly painful.  She talks like a hipster caveman:  “Me cool!”  I won’t even go into the subplot about Jesse learning to golf (with a requisite gay panic joke thrown in for good measure).

The nostalgia factor is high, however, if like me you’re a child of the late 80s and/or early 90s.  I had more fun analyzing the décor and toys in D.J.’s bedroom than I did listening to Danny prattle on and on.  For example, there were posters of Janet Jackson, George Michael and Mel Gibson on the walls and at one point, as seen in the photo above, D.J. clutches a Pillow Person called "Window Rattler":

I also liked the teacher, Ms. Agbabian.  The very recognizable character actress who plays her (with the delightful name of Lucy Lee Flippin) does a lot with her few lines and facial expressions.  Too bad she apparently never showed up again on the show.  I wouldn’t mind a Ms. Agbabian spin-off, where she adopts Kimmy and they go on wacky road trip adventures together.

Back to School Quotient: 3.  The scenes actually set at school are pretty light, but enough to evoke that nervous first day back pit of your stomach feeling.  And a lunch in a brown paper sack makes an appearance.

Own It, See It, Skip It?: I find the majority of Fulll House skippable, save for a select few Christmas episodes.  This episode is no exception.