KILL THE ALLIGATOR AND RUN

The Simpsons

Season 11 (2001)

Once upon a time, in my pre-teens and into my teens, I was a Simpsons mega-fan.  I watched the show in reruns A LOT and my Simpsons trivia knowledge was pretty impressive (I’m not bragging because most of that trivia has faded from my brain with old age).  As The Simpsons lumbers on into its 106,000th season, the quality of the show has sharply declined, if not disintegrated entirely in comparison with the early days.  The first ten seasons are golden, but Season 11, from which “Kill the Alligator and Run” comes, is sort of the tipping point.  Season 11 isn’t outright terrible but it’s not great either (and don’t you dare venture past it; the later seasons are just bad).

This episode has a pretty crazy storyline so I’ll try and keep my recap to a minimum.  A magazine quiz that predicts Homer’s early death causes him to go a bit crazy, resulting in a mandatory vacation to Florida with the family. When they arrive Spring Break is in full swing and Homer joins the revelers instead of resting up.  There is drinking, boobs pressed against car windows, and youth-obsessed MTV VJs.  Homer even encounters Kid Rock, which is a reminder that Kid Rock was popular enough at one point in our culture to merit a Simpsons guest appearance.  I lived through those “Kid Rock is a thing” days and even I have trouble believing it.

Neither a kid nor rock.  Discuss amongst yourselves.

Homer eventually kills a local alligator and the entire family is arrested.  This is where the story really goes off the rails.  The family escapes and take jobs in a diner, morphing into hillbillies.  They are then re-captured, work on a chain gang (yeah, Maggie too) and then forced to work as caterers.  The alligator shows up alive and the Simpsons are free once more.  Goofy doesn’t really begin to cover it, but I always did like the one-off character of Velma, the owner of the diner.  She’s like a sharp-tongued character from a 1940s movie who is oddly accepting of everything.

Velma likes your moxie.

Re-watching this episode for the first time in several years, I was struck by how many points of reference I’ve absorbed from The Simpsons.  This episode alone contains many phrases and jokes I utilize on a regular basis, such as referring to Florida as “America’s wang.”  While there are some very funny moments, there’s also a lot of “huh?” and “really?” moments as well.  Some poking around the internet revealed that “Kill the Alligator and Run” is pretty reviled among the show’s fans for its outlandish plot and other elements (*ahem* Kid Rock).

Spring Break Quotient: While you get a lot of Florida ambiance, the Spring Break portion of the episode doesn’t last long, earning it a 2.

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Considering how many truly great, earlier episodes of The Simpsons exist you can probably skip this one in favor of something better.  However if you have some time to kill there are some bits here that are worth a chuckle.

BEACH BLANKET BIZARRO

Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Season 5 (2001)

I can’t believe that it’s taken me this long* to write about Sabrina, the Teenage Witch!  I’ve really come to love this show, first during its run on TGIF and then later via reruns and DVDs.  It’s totally goofy yet endearing and this spring break episode encapsulates that dynamic perfectly. 

Frankie & Zelda & Hilda (no Annette)

We begin with Sabrina, red-haired and enjoying her first year of college life, booking a last-minute spring break trip for her friends and maybe-boyfriend Josh (he only lasted four episodes).  Sabrina’s aunts, remembering their own debauched spring breaks past (which involved centurions and a fountain), cast a spell on the group to inspire “good clean fun.”  The spells comes in the form of guest star Frankie Avalon, teen heartthrob of many a beach movie in his day.  Sabrina had a surprisingly wide and very random array of guests stars, whether it was Barbara Eden as a wicked aunt, Coolio as a talking poster in an alley (it happened,  people!) or Johnny Mathis awkwardly singing Christmas carols.

Love means never having to say you're sorry.  And gazing to the left. 

The spell is cast on the unknowing teens and they show up to their Florida hotel ready to party. Once the gang hits the beach, however, they are disappointed to discover a group of squeaky-clean Gidgets and Moon Doggies straight from the 60s.  Soon they get into the spirit of things.  What follows are scenes of surfing, purposefully bad lip-synced musical numbers, and dances like The Watusi and The Monkey.  Throughout the episode the aunts spy on the group via their magic TV (yes, it’s kind of creepy).

Santos Dios!

Far creepier though is Miles, an extremely annoying and short-lived character.  He was one of Sabrina’s college roommates and a conspiracy nut who never seemed to have much to do.  In this episode the writers decided to switch Miles from annoying to terrifying by covering him in ghostly sunscreen.  He wanders around like a horror movie creature until he eventually finds love with a fellow sunscreen-clad beachgoer. 

If the far cheesier and less entertaining Boy Meets World can make a 2014 Disney Channel comeback, why not Sabrina, the Teenage Witch? I would love a show about a now married Sabrina and Harvey raising their teen witch children! I know a lot of high-powered TV executives read this blog, so make it happen already!

*Okay, I wrote about a Sabrina book already but this is the first official show post!

Spring Break Quotient: 5

See It, Skip It, Own It?

This episode is escapist fun, just like the entire series!

THE CANISTER

Everybody Loves Raymond
Season 5 (2001)

Easter-themed episodes of sitcoms are a rare and beautiful thing. Who knows exactly why there is such a scarcity of Easter episodes?  Perhaps it’s because Easter is a relatively religious holiday and sitcoms generally avoid religion.  Maybe it’s just because the holiday falls rather late in a typical sitcom season, and shows tend to be wrapping up and can’t devote time to the holiday.  Maybe Easter just isn’t as popular as Christmas, Halloween and Thanksgiving (thought it ranks as my third favorite holiday).  Luckily Everybody Loves Raymond provided us with not only more than one Easter episode, but this truly amazing one.

I can almost smell the vinegar and hear those color tablets fizzing...

The plot is simple yet brilliant: on the day before Easter Debra insists that she returned a canister to Marie, even earning an apology from Marie after she accuses her of losing it.  Moments later Debra discovers that she had the canister all along, and in order to avoid years of Marie rubbing the mistake in their faces the family goes to great and hilarious lengths to prevent the truth from being discovered.  Despite their frantic efforts, on Easter Sunday the canister keeps showing up at the worst possible moments, leading to a last-minute rescue from an unlikely source.

The canister that wouldn't die

“The Canister” is a much beloved episode of the show and deservedly so; it’s one hilarious scene after another.  When the infamous canister comes clunking down the stairs after Ray and Debra thought they’d throw it away, their genuine terror is a sight to behold.  Other great moments include Ray smuggling the canister in to Marie’s house under a puffy jacket and Ray and Robert’s deliciously awkward, extremely long hug (an effort to conceal the canister clutched between them).  The ending of the episode is even surprisingly poignant.  It really is sheer sitcom perfection from start to finish, equal parts comedy, horror movie, caper, and slapstick—all that plus a holiday backdrop!  

Holidays are for hugging

Easter with the Barones reminds me a lot of my many family holidays, including the squabbling.  The opening scene shows Ray dying eggs (with newspaper spread over the kitchen table, naturally) and we also get all sorts of fun Easter shout-outs: chocolate eggs, ham, daffodils, Easter outfits and subtle decorations in the background.  At one point the camera focuses on Debra and I noticed Easter gel clings in the window behind her.  All hail the gentle yet knowing touch of the Everybody Loves Raymond set decorator!  Details like these make the show—and the holiday.

Subtle over the shoulder and to the right Easter decor alert!

Easter Quotient: As much as I adore this episode, it’s prevented from earning a 5 since the story doesn’t actually revolve around Easter—it just takes place on Easter.  Still there’s plenty of holiday trimmings so it rates a 4. 

See It, Skip It, Own It?
Mandatory Easter viewing, year after year!