A RIVER OF CANDY CORN RUNS THROUGH IT

Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Season 2 (2007)

I finally got around to reading Melissa Explains It All, Melissa Joan Hart’s memoir, that we bought when we met Sabrina herself at our local B&N almost a year ago.  The book wasn’t very remarkable, thought Hart was pretty candid about her life. Of course the one chapter on Sabrina, The Teenage Witch was my favorite, though I wish she’d gone into even more detail.  The most interesting tidbits?

*Hart’s mom licensed Sabrina from Archie Comics for only a dollar (and then proceeded to make a lot of money when the show was a big success).

*Hart and co-star Nate Richert, who played Harvey, never dated in real life.  But they did once do mushrooms in the woods together.  And Richert did date actress Lindsey Sloane, who played Sabrina’s friend Valerie.

*Paul Feig, who played science teacher Mr. Poole for one season, went on to create Freaks & Geeks and direct Bridesmaids. Upgrade!

So you’re welcome, as I just saved you the trouble of reading the book.  In her memoir, Hart didn’t go into detail about any of the Sabrina Halloween episodes, which were always a highlight of the show (the Christmas episodes were particularly fun as well).  Season 2’s “A River of Candy Corn Runs Through It” is probably my favorite of the lot, and not just because the title references a semi-obscure 90s Brad Pitt movie.

This is about as Halloweeny as you can get, from the decorations, the magic, the monsters, and lots and lots of candy corn, as promised by the episode's title.  The premise is that Sabrina’s friend Valerie guilts her into hosting a Halloween party as a counterpoint to mean girl Libby’s oh-so-exclusive Halloween bash.  Sabrina is of course reluctant, given the weird happenings that usually go down at her house, but her witchy aunts are all for it.  Right before the party begins things quickly go downhill—the new furniture ordered from the Other Realm starts to talk, magical termites invade the house, monstrous “Halloween carolers” show up, and Hilda’s homemade candy corn won’t stop producing (the overflowing cauldron of candy corn in this episode always reminded me of Strega Nona’s pasta pot).

When some “cool” guys show up all seems lost, but after the promised river of candy corn comes bursting through the dining room doors, all of the guests just think the weirdness was  all party tricks planned by Sabrina. A relieved Sabrina then randomly conjures up the band 10,000 Maniacs to perform just as Libby shows up to receive her comeuppance, her own party having been a bust and ending early.

This episode is just fun, fun, fun from start to finish.  Aunts Zelda and Hilda are at their best here, with Zelda carrying a parade of furniture through the party to feed to the termites and Hilda trying to pawn off all of the excess candy corn.  Melissa Joan Hart is in good comedic form via her frantic efforts to keep things under wraps.  Even better, she wears a orange, yellow and black dress that makes her look like a piece of candy corn herself. 

Recurring Themes: Halloween carolers from the Other Realm show up and mix with Sabrina’s oblivious mortal guests (who think the otherworldly creatures are just wearing costumes) in an example of the trope Real Monsters at the Party.  Also, Valerie is the unfortunate victim of No One Else in Costume, when she shows up dressed as a duck only to discover that all of the other guests are in normal clothes.

Halloween Quotient: The first 5 of the season!

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Own this one so you have it on hand for annual viewings!

RIVAL HAUNTED HOUSES

Trading Spaces

Season 8 (2008)

When I was in high school one of my greatest pleasures was coming home from school and watching Trading Spaces.  And yes, clearly I was very, very popular in high school.  This was during the show’s golden age, when it was at its peak (though I proudly count my fandom all the way back to the Alex McLeod days, before she was replaced with professional perky person Paige Davis).  Back in the day Trading Spaces was truly part of the zeitgeist, spawning books and spin-off shows and starting the whole HGTV interior decorating reality show craze that persists to this day.  Despite it’s one-time popularity, the show is almost impossible to find in syndication.  I managed to TIVO a handful of reruns from some random channel shortly before it stopped airing them altogether.  Much to my delight this included a Halloween-themed episode!

The quality of the episodes always varied greatly on which designers happened to be appearing, and I am sad to report that my personal favorite, Hildi Santo-Tomas, does not appear in “Rival Haunted Houses.”  Besides having a name that’s very fun to say out loud, Hildi was known for having the most daring designs, such as gluing dried moss all over someone’s walls.  She was also known for not really giving a fuck about the homeowner’s personal preferences.  She was/is amazing.  I wish she had been one of the two designers in this episode just so I could continue to write about her.  I may need to start a separate blog just for this purpose. 

Anyhoo, the designers that do appear are Frank, the extremely gay yet inexplicably married to a woman Country Time Santa Claus, and some other guy named Goil I’d never seen before.  Frank and Goil team up with two sets of neighbors who swap houses and decorate a room in each other’s houses.  The couples are both really into Halloween and every year try and outdo one another with their decorations.  Ordinarily this would be a great premise except that this episode was clearly filmed in the summer, so instead of lavish Halloween yard displays and autumnal foliage we get sunshine, green lawns and the neighbors half-heartedly dragging out their Halloween decorations for the sake of the cameras.

Another missed opportunity is that instead of just designing walk-through haunted mazes the designers and couples actually redecorate a real room with only minor Halloween touches.  I think I have established by now that when I watch a holiday episode I want full-on holiday, not some black and white wallpaper with a subtle bat pattern!  Goil does design an unintentionally hideous “monster” made of pillowcases or something for the homeowner’s kids to use as a sort of beanbag chair but that’s about it.

The most Halloweeny thing about the episode is that the designers, carpenters and host Paige Davis all wear costumes throughout.  Paige has some lame get-up as “the Goddess of Time” (since her job is to monitor the time.  Get it?!).  One of the carpenters has a pretty elaborate Satan-serial killer outfit and mask, and I admit that it was a bit fun to watch Satan making shelves out of reclaimed barn wood.  The couples also don costumes for the room reveals, but watching two disco dancers cry over how much they love their new paint color isn’t as enthralling as it may sound.

As you can tell I was disappointed by the lack of Halloween elements, but I suppose they deserve some credit just for trying.  Really I was just happy to be watching Trading Spaces again and remembering the good ole days of homeowners who refused to do their nightly “homework” (usually painting), bickering designers and the Earth-bound goddess that is Hilidi Santo-Tomas.

Halloween Quotient: 2

See It, Skip It, Own It?

Skippable.